Party of 5

2010-03-15T10:32:00.007-04:00

Our blog is now located at:

2010-03-14T21:24:00.006-04:00

As of Sunday, March 14, 2010 this Party of 5 blog will no longer be continued. We have a new blog located at http://johnson-mccormick.com -- This blog, called Five Free Spirits, is a "private" blog requiring logging in with a password. We brought over 400 of our "Party of 5" readers with us to our new blog... and we are happy to continue to give most people access to it if they'd like. If you are interested in being a reader of Five Free Spirits, head on over and register (click the link at the bottom below the login form). Please be sure to tell us a bit about yourself when you do!

Top 10: Reasons For Going Private

2010-03-05T19:33:00.001-05:00

Top 10: Reasons For Going Private

We are so very sick and tired of the hurtful, nasty comments. In truth, we get about 100 positive comments for every negative one. But the negativity stings. Trying to stay honest, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, while people (most of whom find ways to stay anonymous) slap us in the face... it has been very challenging. We've tried to keep our chins up. But we can't do it anymore. It came down to this: quit blogging altogether, or go private. We've decided to try going private.
Comments, like this one, from a couple of months ago: "I read your blog and enjoy your discussions. However your grammar makes me wince. It detracts from the great content. I believe that all writing should use appropriate grammar and syntax. You really need to take a writing course." Nice. Honestly, I am an academic, a published author (of "real" publications). I know how to write with formal prose and proper grammar. I choose not to on this blog. For a bunch of reasons. And I don't want to have to defend that.
But the comments that really cut deep are the ones about more substantive aspects of our lives. Comments, like this one, from a couple of weeks ago: "Why is it that adoptive White parents feel the need to mess with Black childrens' hair! Your kids are NOT Jamaican, why the forced dreadlocks??!! It looks ridiculous! You aren't raising Bob Marley's!"
Or, comments, like this one, from a few days ago: "If it is so hard for you to leave your baby then why do you do it? Mothers who really care about their children prioritize their children over their own selfish desire to WORK. If a woman isn't willing to dedicate herself fully to raising her children then she shouldn't have children in the first place, let alone adopt them!!! Nothing is more important than your children. If you truly cared you would not leave them with a NANNY!!!!!!!!"
Or, comments, like this one, from yesterday (comment made to a post I later removed which included photos of our baby Meera, not always fully clothed): "You people are sickos! Seriously! You're sick! You should be arrested and jailed for these photos of your daughter. This is classified as child porn. You are sick!!!!!!!"
If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Right? Right. Well, we've tried to stick it out, and maybe we're wimps, or weak, or too sensitive... I don't know. However you look at it, we're ready to get out of the kitchen. Or, alternatively, (as I like to think of it), we're kicking the haters out of our kitchen. Because in our kitchen we have rules. The same rules that apply to every room of our home. And right at the top of the 'House Rules List' is this one: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. At least with a private blog we can lay down the law-- if readers don't play by the rules they're not invited to our Party [of Five].
There are lots of other benefits to going private too. Benefits we've been contemplating for a long time now. First and foremost is that we will feel more free to write about some of our more real issues, our more sensitive subjects, our more touchy topics. We want to write more, for example, about our trials, tribulations, and triumphs in regards to issues related to working women/dual-career-households/egalitarian relationships/gender-bending/etc. We have felt very constrained in this arena because we've been so fretful of the dreaded negative comments to anything we post on this subject. We look forward to being able to be less "careful" where these subjects are concerned.
We'll feel more liberated to write without worrying about who might be reading. This has been especially problematic where our own professional lives are concerned. I have always worried about students of mine, colleagues of mine, or potential professional connections of whatever sort reading this blog. In many respects, this blog has kept me grounded and real and honest. It allows that gray fuzzy area between the public and the private to be more transparent. But in other ways I look forward to not worrying so much about the 'who might be reading?' question.
Photos. With a private blog we'll be more comfortable continuing to post photos of our children on the internet. We are always cognizant of the fact that nothing on the web is truly "secure." But a private blog will help us feel a little less vulnerable.
K & O are turning six in May. Meera is turning two in May. They are getting older. How will they feel about this old blog when they're teenagers and older? Going private will feel a little less 'exposed,' and, for their sakes especially, I think that is more and more important as they get older.

So, we're moving on. We're taking our party 'underground.' The good news is that it is still going to be a big ruckus party! (Based on all the emails I've been receiving since yesterday's announcement, it looks like we'll be taking a few hundred readers with us). It is really sad to end this blog as we've known it. The saddest part of all, for me, is knowing that we won't be out there -- loud and proud -- to support, in whatever tiny ways our blog has, those folks out there in the blogosphere looking for companionship on these crazy journeys so many of us are on.* I am humbled beyond comprehension by the hundreds (thousands, actually) of people who have read our blog and told me of the very real and meaningful ways that it has made them think, or has helped them to feel less alone. Just in the past day I have read hundreds of notes from people all over the world telling me that they've been reading daily for 2 or 3 years. That is just mind-boggling to me. The things you all have said to me in these emails are beyond touching. They are moving, and inspiring, and so gratifying. Thank you so much for reading and following along with our story. We're telling it mainly for us and for our kids (hopefully they will look at the blog some day?), but it is amazing to know that it has meant so much to so many more out there.

*For this reason, we will be keeping this blog located here for at least a good long while. People will thus still be able to find us, and, if so inclined, can always request access to our new 'private' blog.

So, adios --for now-- amigos! And hello to a whole new era of our blogging!

Blog Going Private

2010-03-04T07:24:00.001-05:00

On Sunday, March 14 this blog will be going private. If you are interested in continuing reading, please email me at hbj2 (at) lehigh (dot) edu
Thanks for reading all this time y'all!

February Funk

2010-02-28T20:42:00.000-05:00

Dear February 2010,
Good Riddance.
Sincerely, The J-Ms

FEBRUARY 2010

Freakish amounts of snow and Snow Days

Everyone doing their best to hold it together (some times more successful than others -- photo below taken on a good day... making cookies!). Oh, and 'E' also stands for Earthquake. We're still trembling, even though we're time and space away from the January 12 Haiti earthquake.

Basketball (and 2 boys' love-affairs with Lehigh b-ball games) replaced football, and baseball, at least for the time being. Basketball, basketball, basketball. Oh, and Black History Month, of course.

Really and truly, this month felt like an uphill battle every single day ALL MONTH LONG.

Under, unfortunately, sad circumstances we had what actually turned out to be a great (definitely the highlight of our month) impromptu trip to Massachusetts. Grandma Lorraine's was K & O's first family Memorial Service (profoundly sadly, it was Meera's third). But -- always the optimists -- as we left the church chapel Kyle proclaimed (totally genuinely) to the pastor, "That was the best funeral I've ever been to!!!!" (later she came and talked with me for awhile about our little Religious One). We really did wind up having a great trip-- including a fun 2-night stay in a nice hotel (with --jackpot!-- an indoor swimming pool) in Worcester with MorMor and MorFar, Auntie Stina, Mark, and Sadie. [Photo below = H with boys in hotel room during Meera's nap, before boys heading out with Braydon for a morning swim] Please please please do not leave nasty anonymous comments about how ashy their skin is. I know. Chlorine and February do that. Duh. We're aware of it. Please do not harass me about it because right about now I seriously cannot take the negative commentary. Trust me, I've got it covered.

Antibiotics. Need I say more? Sickness sucks. At one point, three of the five of us were on antibiotics. Several bottles of various prescription and over-the-counter meds were consumed by the J-M family. I don't think there has been one day during February that we've all been 100% healthy. That just totally, totally sucks. Miraculously, Owen has been the only one in the family who did not get sick (at all!) during February. Of course, he had a broken collar bone. But that's a whole other story. (and -- a positive note: we found out in February that his collar bone is 100% healed... so, that's good... and he's now --for better or for worse-- back to his full range of activities... including stuff like dish-washing... but also including driving all of us crazy with his crazy antics)

Reliving the Lion King over and over and over and over and over. (Oh, and there was that Ridiculous holiday, Valentines Day, in there somewhere too-- but, honestly, that kinda got lost in the snow day shuffle... plus, Braydon had been throwing up the night before, so that kinda put a damper on it too. ugh.)

Year two is quickly closing in on us. As of today, our baby girl is 21 months old. Which, truthfully, just feels so depressing. How, oh how, can that be? Can't Meera Grace just stay a baby forever???

P.S. Lucky for us our trusty coffee maker went on the fritz during February. At first this seemed like yet another thing to hate about this month. But, no! It was a blessing in disguise! We finally had a semi-decent excuse to buy that Keurig coffee maker we've been coveting. And oh how that Keurig made our last few days of February sooooooooooo much better than they would have been without it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gospel Music at River Valley

2010-02-28T20:22:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I had the good fortune of brining K & O to what is, thankfully, starting to be a tradition - The Brockington Ensemble's concert at River Valley Waldorf School.

Although it's a bit strange for me, as a white man with two black sons to be at an almost all white school listening to an all black choir who are raising the roof and praising, with a lot of eyes on us and how we three handle the entire thing.... despite that hyper awareness and sense of vulnerability, we had a great time and the boys loved the music.

During the intermission, they ran up to the drummer and chatted it up and tried out the cymbals. During the final song when everyone got up to "get up" we got up and were a witness along with the rising euphoria of the ensemble. Pretty awesome.

Sleeping Together For At Least One Year

2010-02-26T21:45:00.000-05:00

February 26, 2009 I posted this post: click here. Apparently at that point K & O had been sleeping together for 2-3 weeks. (I would never, ever have remembered that if it weren't for this blog.) They've been sleeping together every night since then. So, it has been at least a year, solid, of sleeping together. They still sleep with Owen's Lovey Lion and Lovey Lion's twin brother and with Kyle's Honey Bunny and Honey Bunny's twin brother. "Turtle" or "Tortoise" (as they sometimes call him) --a light-up turtle that I gave to Owen-- also has been sleeping with them for the past few months. They still always have "sleep music" blaring all night long. And numerous night-lights. They almost always choose to sleep in Owen's room. And they almost always do well at bedtime. This (doing well at bedtime) is a huge improvement over the years prior, when bedtime was a serious challenge. Now, more often than not, bedtime is pleasant for all involved. I think it is so sweet that our boys want to sleep together at night. When we check on them before we go to bed they are almost always entwined under the covers. I love that they have this.

Notes From the Trenches of (Yet Another) Snow Day

2010-02-26T20:48:00.000-05:00

We're dreaming of vacation. That is always the dead give-away that we're in the depths of the doldrums of the winter-time-blues. Pre-kids, Braydon and I would always start dreaming of vacation right about late February/early March. It happened every year. We'd start planning a May trip then, and the hopes-dreams-plans for that spring vacation would keep us going through the end of the school year. {We never entered the "real world" and have always, still to this day, operated on an academic-year-type-calendar.} Well, now that we have kids, nothing has changed in the right-around-late-Feb-early-March hoping-dreaming-planning for vacation department. Except that now our kids participate in it with us. Sometimes it feels like that May vacation, and that alone, is what keeps us going. How pathetic is that? (I posted about the less-pathetic aspects of this phenomenon here.) Pretty pathetic. I'm not sure exactly what to make of it that K & O are just like their parents when it comes to travel. I suppose it shouldn't be such a surprise, but still-- it was surprising today that during Meera's nap, while K, O, and I were sitting at the table drawing (with a near-BLIZZARD outside our windows and nearly 2 FEET of new snow piled up), I found my boys drawing pictures of "our next big trip." Kyle drew what is, for him, a very detailed and painstaking drawing of a "Hotel Map" (note the yellow 'beach' and the blue 'ocean'). Owen drew an airplane and next to it wrote out a long sequence of numbers, which were "our airline ticket numbers" and "our hotel room number." They asked me to draw "a boat going to an island with starfish and coral under the water." Nice. So, that pretty much sums it up. At least in some existential kind of way that sort of says it all, I think. Just a couple other notes from this, the MILLIONTH SNOW DAY OF THE WINTER OF 2010:

Seriously, the biggest, most grueling task of being home with the boys all day long (i.e., with them having no school, no outings, no nothing allllll daaaaaaaaaaaaaaay loooooooooooooong) is the FOOD PRODUCTION. I cannot even explain how intense it is. Seriously. They eat sooooo muuuuuuuuch.And they are onlyyyyyyyyyyy fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive years old. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: What on earth will it be like when they are fifteen?????????? They eat so much. They are hungry almost all day long. They are bottomless pits. Lately Kyle, especially, is just ALWAYS hungry. He finishes a huge meal and within an hour he's asking for more food. He must be going through a growth spurt. But seriously, you have to see it to believe it. Photo above taken at 9:30 this morning. After many and multiple breakfast food items between the hours of 7:00-9:00 a.m., they were ready for "a real snack" (i.e., what most of us would consider a MEAL) at 9:30 a.m. While I drank coffee Owen had leftover pizza and Kyle had leftover ravioli with pesto and parmesan. That satisfied them for about a 1/2 hour. Over the course of the day Kyle ate 3 bananas, the two of them combined ate 5 clementines, Owen ate so many oatmeal-cranberry-white-chocolate cookies that I lost track, and they (along with their sister) consumed 1/2 gallon of whole milk. That is just in addition to their real meals and many other various snacks. For dinner they ate -- amongst other things -- an entire "Family Size" package of chicken nuggets. Keeping up with their food consumption is truly exhausting. It, alone, keeps me 100% busy all day long on a day like today. By the end of the day I want nothing-- absolutely nothing-- to do with food prep, ever again.

In a moment of brilliance we dragged an old toy from the boys' toddler-hood out of the basement. It kept them all occupied for quite some time. And it brought back a lot of memories of when K & O were M's age. It was a lot of fun, and probably (pathetic as this is...) the highlight of our day. It was not one of our greatest days. Nobody under the age of six had any major meltdowns (miraculously), Meera continued to pee (and poop today!!!!!) in the potty, and no parent lost their temper (huge accomplishment)... but Mommy cried (hard) twice, and the parental unit was not so unified (including one major blow-out). We are so sick and tired of snow, and the novelty of Snow Days has definitely worn off. But, thank God, today is all done, and tomorrow is a new day.

PeePee on the Potty!!! And Other Firsts!

2010-02-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, late afternoon, while the boys were at Kung Fu (and Braydon chaperoning them there), Meera did her first pee pee on the potty!!!!!!!!!!!!! Huge, huge, very big deal!!! It was deliberate and purposeful; it was the real deal. Then again, this morning, she did a repeat performance for the whole family! We all did the happy dance and she got a little chunk of good Swedish chocolate as a reward. What a proud little 20-month-old she is! In the past couple of weeks Meera's had a few big 'Firsts'...

First time at the climbing wall!

First french braid!

First day of "school"!!! Meera and I are doing Garden Gate together at our Waldorf School on Monday mornings this semester. We've had two sessions so far, and we are both loving it. Braydon took the photo above just as Meera and I were pulling out of the garage to head off to our first day.

Another Snow Day

2010-02-25T20:15:00.001-05:00

Daffodils are yellow  

Some crocuses are blue

We've had way too many snow days this winter

Oh Spring!-- how we can't wait to see you 

3 Drummers Drumming

2010-02-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

An Owen Quote

2010-02-24T20:56:00.000-05:00

Owen is in constant motion. He is capable of sitting still for long periods of time if need be. But more often than not you'll find him moving. Moving moving moving. We've had a couple of different evaluations done over time, and his teachers (including his daycare and preschool teachers when he was younger) have always been in unanimous agreement too -- he does not seem to have ADD/ADHD. It seems --everyone so far conclusively agrees-- that Owen is just an incredibly active kid. Kyle is too. But Owen is even slightly more. Off-the-charts-active. Like, totally, totally energetic beyond anything most people have ever seen. The kid has more energy than any of us know what to do with. It is an endless bottomless boundless pit of ACTIVE. And he's just so enthralled and engrossed and engaged in every detail of every day of life. It is an amazing (and intense) way to live! (and makes for a seriously fun --- but seriously challenging --- kid to parent). Anyway, this past Sunday evening Owen and I were talking while he was in the bath. The boys had just come home from a birthday party and were clearly exhausted. I said, "Birthday parties are exhausting, aren't they?" Owen said, (as he crazily splashed, poured, whirled and twirled in the bathtub) "They aren't exhausting for me!" I said, "Owen, everyone gets exhausted from birthday parties-- even you." He said, "Why? Why do people get exhausted from birthday parties?" I said something like, "Well, because kids all go crazy at birthday parties -- with all their friends together in one place, and all the special fun stuff to do, and the excitement of the birthday, the cake, the presents, and everything -- it is just exhausting for everyone!" He said, "I feel like I'm at a birthday party everyday!"

A Meera 'Quote'

2010-02-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

We've done just a little bit of sign language with all three of our kids during their baby/toddler-hood. We've done the same four words with Meera as we did with Kyle and Owen: 'please,' 'thank you,' 'more,' and 'all done.' Only four words, but K & O, and now M's ability to use these four signed words has allowed them very effective communication as little ones. It is amazing how much you can communicate with just four little words. Meera is starting to be more and more verbal lately, and she's saying quite a few words these days. But she still exclusively signs "thank you." Our sign for thank you is an upturned hand slid out toward the person to whom the 'thank you' is being communicated (photo above). The thing that is so very cute is that she 'says' [signs] "thank you" completely unprompted for every single thing imaginable for which you might say 'thank you.' You give her a little cup of water, she signs 'thank you'; you give her a snack, she signs 'thank you'; you put her shoes on, she signs 'thank you'; you put her in the bathtub, she signs 'thank you'; you change her diaper, she signs 'thank you'; and it goes on and on and on all day. She will stay totally still, with her outstretched hand, signing 'thank you' until you notice it and respond, "you're welcome." She does this with everyone she spends time with and everything that they do for her everyday. It is really sweet and I know it will eventually end as she starts replacing the sign more and more by verbally saying the words "thank you." I want to never forget how cute it was when we were in this time with our baby Meera.

A Kyle Quote

2010-02-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

Kyle is a serious sweetie pie charmer. He always has been. From the time he was a toddler women have been telling me, "He's going to make a great husband for some lucky woman some day!" And it is true-- he is seriously sweet, especially with the ladies. The top of his 'Ladies List' is --- lucky for me! --- his Mama. There are others right up there at the top (MorMor, his teacher Miss Amanda, his good friend from school Alyssa, etc.), but I am, without a doubt, his Numero Uno (and I plan to do my darnedest to keep it that way for a long, long time). Not a day goes by that this boy doesn't do or say something outrageously sweet and lovey to me. He kisses me, spontaneously, at random times throughout the day. He loves to cuddle anytime he has the chance. Rarely does a dinner come and go without him getting up from his seat when he's done eating, walking over to me at the table, hugging me, and then saying, "Thank you for dinner!" And he regularly says things that just absolutely melt my heart (and he always seems to be genuinely sincere in saying them). It is a gift he has, I tell ya! At one point this past weekend we were eating dinner out at Chipotle. We were talking about food, and different types of food -- Chipotle is "Mexican food," and we also love "Thai food" and "Haitian food" and "Indian food" and "Swedish food" and "Italian food" etc. I said, "I love Mexican food -- I think Mexican food is my favorite." And then I said, "Kyle, what is your favorite kind of food?" And he said, barely skipping a beat, "Mommy food."

The Three

2010-02-21T19:15:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while they'll call for me --from wherever they are in the house, to wherever I am in the house-- they'll shout out to me to "come quick! and bring the camera!" Sometimes it is a crazy scene they want to capture (usually involving something "naughty" that Meera has done... i.e., took off her diaper, spilled water all over the couch, tried to 'clean the kitty litter,' etc.), and sometimes it is something amazingly cute -- something I never could have captured with the camera if I had tried to pose them. This moment, captured above, was one of the latter.

Celebration of African Cultures 2010

2010-02-21T14:08:00.001-05:00

Kyle flaunts his moves in the center of the Hip-Hop circle!

Yesterday we went into Philadelphia for the Celebration of African Cultures at the Penn Museum. This was our third year going. It has become such a great annual tradition for our family. Kyle and Owen are starting to understand some basics of their ancestry. They understand that they are Haitian-American, first and foremost, and they are starting to understand the bigger picture of what it means to be African-American and part of the Haitian and African diaspora. This was the first year since we started going to the Celebration of African Cultures that the boys began asking what the word "culture" really means. We had some big discussions about that. Recently I can feel us moving into new realms with their curiosity, inquisitiveness, and questioning regarding more complex questions of race, ethnicity, heritage, lineage, and the larger social world. I anticipate lots and lots of big conversations in the years to come. Going to the Celebration of African Cultures each year -- even at these young ages -- is one of the (so many) ways we are conscientiously trying our darnedest to lay down a strong foundation for our boys. We feel a heavy burden, as white parents raising black sons. We are grateful for every opportunity that we can grasp on this journey. Yesterday was a great day for us. Highlights~~ Kyle and Owen participated in two workshops-- first an African Dance Workshop and then a Hip-Hop Dance Workshop (both were awesome!); the boys made fast friends with some cool kids (always so amazing how quickly kids can become tight!); and the "Stilt Man" (K & O's name for him) -- a big hit with the boys -- returned again this year in the Grand Finale Show. Meera was not thrilled about the whole event, but she tolerated it well with very little fussing (albeit not much enthusiasm either), and the boys' enthusiasm more than made up for her lack-thereof.

Meera's Necklaces

2010-02-19T21:23:00.000-05:00

Lately Meera has taken her love affair with necklaces to a whole new level. She is fully in the throws of another phase of lovin'-the-necklaces (and needing to wear them often). Not that Meera's necklace phase ever really ended, but it does seem to kind of ebb and flow -- and right now, the necklaces are really flowing. But in the past few days she's started something new-- she's taken to also putting necklaces on Baby and Kitty. She gets them all necklaced-up and then takes them for a stroll. Meera Grace has really come into her own in the past couple of months; her personality is shining through loud and clear these days; and we're beginning to think that our girl is almost as crazy as her brothers... how did that happen????????????

Love these fabrics!

2010-02-19T19:42:00.000-05:00

I rarely do stuff like this (endorse material items on our blog), but every once in a while I can't help myself. I just love these fabrics-- check them out! I've already hooked in my mom to these fabrics and she's already made a dress for Meera with some and is working on bed-quilts for the boys' with more. Very hard for families like ours to find stuff like this out there in the world!--- have a look and you'll see what I mean!

http://designermama-manaallamano.blogspot.com/2010/02/new-american-family.html

[Note: even though I've been asked a bunch of times by various people/places to blog about products here, with only one exception {something I'm going to blog about sometime soon}, I have always said no and have never done product endorsements on this blog. I did not receive anything in return for writing this post, and the fabric-designer/blogger was not even aware that I was going to post this]

Snow and Stuff

2010-02-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

Well, we are officially in the deep down depths of winter. Since moving to Pennsylvania in 2003 we have never seen so much snow here. This winter we've had a series of snowstorms that have left a bunch of snow on the ground without having a chance to melt before the next storm comes. It isn't anything like the winters I had growing up in New Hampshire, but it is the closest that I've seen since moving to this part of the country. The J-Ms seem to have a love-hate relationship with snow. We do love it. And we do hate it. What it really boils down to is that basically we love a lot of snow when we're visiting New Hampshire. Otherwise, at home, we could be very happy without it. And yet, here we are. We're trying to make the best of it, but really-- we just want spring to come, and it is only mid-February. Ugh. And we have a lot on our minds, too. Haiti is still right up at the surface for us. It is a constant, daily conversation. As it should be. But still, it isn't easy. I cannot even imagine how hard it is for families who experienced being there for the earthquake... let alone the reality of life for everyone still on the ground in Haiti right now. It is all constantly on our minds. And we're dealing with our own earthquake-aftermath stuff which runs pretty deep (and which I'm not going to write about in any detail here). So, again, here we are. It is what it is. And there is no way over it, under it, or around it -- we just gotta go through it. But I'm not gonna lie about it -- it is tough right now. On top of it all is work. Both Braydon and I are absolutely swamped. And it is just hard when we're both swamped because it means we're just totally overextended and spread far too thin on every front. And so it goes. The hardest part of each day, however, (at least for me), is leaving Meera to go to work in the morning. We've got the best nanny in the whole world. Margie is a God send and I thank my lucky stars (and I thank her profusely) each and every day. But still, it is tough. The boys go skipping off onto the bus to school each morning, so it isn't totally gut-wrenching to leave them (at least not most days)... but Meera is another story. She's happy as can be, and I am grateful for that, but it still kills me to leave her each day. She'll kiss me and cheerily say, "Bye bye!" when she sees me pick up the bag I carry to work. And now, just in the past couple of days, she has started to say "I love you!" (sounds like "la lu!") as I walk out the door. Seriously, it melts --and breaks-- my heart each and every morning. I cannot imagine not working. But I also would be dishonest if I didn't admit to the fact that it pains me to walk out the door each day. So, it is a lot of mixed emotions. Emotions that working moms don't really get enough of a chance to talk about or process or sort through. These are the same sorts of mixed jumbled up emotions I feel as I watch Margie with the kids sometimes. Every once in a while I work from home (I try to avoid it because it is really hard on everyone to have me present, but not really present)... and I can truthfully say that having my kids so well cared for by Margie is one of the most amazing feelings I've ever felt. I cannot even explain the depths of peace and comfort that it brings to me. On the other hand, as I watch them for brief moments here and there, it just breaks my heart to see them doing things together that I wish I could be doing with them. Like playing in the snow. Truth is, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to go sledding with them... and yet... there is nothing in the world I'd rather do than go sledding with my kids. It is impossible to explain. But it is what it is. And so, again, here we are. Hopefully spring will come, and with it the blossoming of new energy and new new emotions. But right now... we're just kind of dealing with snow and stuff. (photos below - Margie and the bambinos sledding)

Water Baby

2010-02-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

We're in a new routine this semester -- on Thursdays Braydon brings K & O to their Kung Fu class. The class is from 5:00-5:30, but (between getting out the door, the drive to/from, getting coats/boots/hats/mittens on/off, getting settled in and getting back out, etc. etc.) they are actually gone from about 4:30-6:00. This is an hour and a half each week that I get to spend alone with Meera. This time of day has always been her hardest (as I think it is for almost all babies/toddlers/kids/grown-ups), but still... it is such a nice treat to get to spend a good chunk of time with her each Thursday afternoon/evening. Kyle and Owen used to love playing in the sink when they were Meera's age. This water play has become a great activity for Meera and I while the boys are all out at Kung Fu.

Potty Training Meera

2010-02-16T21:36:00.000-05:00

LionKingMania

2010-02-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

The boys have been obsessed with the Lion King ever since we went to see it for our Adoption Day (click). We bought the Broadway show soundtrack (click) for them, and they listen to it obsessively every single day. Oftentimes they not only listen to it, but act out their favorite parts to the music. They have a few of the songs memorized. And they are Simba for large portions of each day. Owen got it in his head that he really, really wanted me to "paint" him to look like the "Young Simba" from the play. He obsessed over this until finally I found, and bought, body paint so that I could do it. We've done the body-paint-Young-Simba thing a couple times now. The boys love it. Meera wants a little something painted on her, too, of course. And then they all dance around dramatically to the Lion King music-- Kyle and Owen acting out key parts of the story, and Meera just trying her best to keep up with them. It is all very action packed. You can just imagine. Anyway... the funniest part is that we go through this whole dramatic LionKingMania, and then, just as if nothing ever happened, next thing you know, we're all eating dinner... body paint and all. On the particular night of the photos below it was all very dramatic and action-packed, and then... sure enough... we found ourselves eating chili. Never, ever a dull moment around these parts.

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T13:10:00.000-05:00

1 Snow Day in 12 Snapshots

2010-02-10T22:37:00.001-05:00

We woke up to this. We were expecting it, but still... it was 'Wow!' We don't get this kind of snow around here very often (actually, never, since we've lived here). No school. No Margie. A "Mommy Day!!!" (Papi working from home). As overwhelming as this is to a working mother, one thing I've learned is to try to just take a few deep breaths, try to let go of all the missed deadlines and need-to-reschedule-meetings and over-flowing-email-inbox and just embrace it. With a lot of hard work over the past five years, I have become pretty dang good at embracing it. Today, it turns out, was just what we all needed. It is the depths of winter, I've been burning the candle at both ends, Braydon has been fully immersed in his work, and three out of the five of us (H, M, K) are currently on antibiotics for nasty sick stuff. Today we had a deep down good day. Probably a Top 20 Day of the past year. Thanks to the piled high and piling higher snow forcing us (well, let's face it, me) to just be home.

Breakfast (yogurt, granola, berries) and dominoes.

Meera took a 3-hour-long morning nap (yes, she still does the marathon napping thing often). The boys and I spent that entire time cooking together in the kitchen. They have become such great helpers in the kitchen. For real. They peeled carrots, boiled and peeled hard-boiled eggs, fried up bacon, grated cheese. And then they chopped up huge mound of carrots, celery, onion, and potatoes... for...

A big batch of lamb stew... which they seriously made almost entirely on their own (with only minimal coaching by me). It sat on the stove simmering for the rest of the day just waiting for dinner-time.

Lunch was spinach salad and cantaloupe on the floor by the fireplace.

We spent much of the afternoon birdwatching. There was a bird bonanza at our bird-feeder all day long.

And finally!... after weeks of patiently waiting!... birds appeared today at the window birdfeeders at the boys' bedrooms. These window feeders were their Christmas presents this year from Mama and Papi. They've been carefully waiting for the moment the birds would come. And today was the day! K & O were so excited that they wanted to put slices of bread in the feeders. I let them. They watched, at their bedroom windows, so silently and still, on-and-off for hours all afternoon. Their baby sister created quite a problem by repeatedly running in being her silly-toddler-self and "scaring the birds away!!!" So I had to distract her for much of the time...

...with one of her new favorite activities: coloring. (Ah!!! finally I get a crafty one!!!!!!!!!)

We did venture out in the snow.

And I finally cheered "Video Time!!!" (much to the boys' delight) at about 4:00. Curious George, of course.

Dinner was the lamb stew. And a loaf of Braydon's bread. By candlelight as we watched the snow piling higher and higher on our deck.

Like I said, probably a Top 20 Day of the year.

And the snow is still coming down.

4 Weeks

2010-02-09T20:43:00.023-05:00

The earthquake was four weeks ago today. To say that we've been profoundly effected by this is an understatement. We feel that the earth shifted under our feet -- figuratively speaking, that is, of course -- because we are incessantly conscientiously aware that the part of the earth on which we live did not, in fact, shake under us... which makes it just feel so very, very wrong to even mention the grief and despair and world-turned-upside-down-feelings that we are feeling here in the J-M household in these days since January 12. I really just don't know what to say about it. All I know is that I can't seem to find a way to bring myself back to acting like all is "normal" and o.k. when, really, it isn't. There is a lot going on with this, much of which I cannot write about on the blog. For now, we're just trying to live through this, since we know that there is no good or right way to try to live around it, over it, or under it. It is what it is. It is our life. And so we keep on with it.

Today I bought three copies of this special edition that Time Magazine recently put out. I bought them -- 1 for each of our children -- to put away with the special items that I'm collecting for them. Some day, when the time is right (like when they are 16 or 18 or 20), I'll give each of them a box of special meaningful items that I've been collecting for them over the years of their lives. For Kyle and Owen, over the past six years, amongst other things I've been storing away some special Haiti-related things. Never in a million years could I ever have imagined I'd be putting something like this into their boxes.

Anderson Cooper returns to Haiti

2010-02-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

We're not ones to repost other blog posts, but I think this really deserves mention. Previously we were not CNN followers and didn't know of Anderson Cooper other than in passing. But with their coverage of Haiti lately, we've become fans. And with the latest blog post Anderson wrote we're now a lot more than fans.

He captures the sentiment a lot of people who are not in Haiti, but who have been there and have a connection to Haiti, feel right now. We've always said that once you go, it gets under your skin. It's a rather trite saying, particularly right now, but maybe it has meaning.

For anyone who has been to Haiti at any time, his comments will resonate. For everyone who cares about the world not forgetting; we appreciate what Anderson Cooper and CNN are doing.

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/02/08/why-im-back-in-haiti/comment-page-1/#comment-992142

Grandma Lorraine

2010-02-08T21:26:00.001-05:00

Early this morning my Grandma Lorraine died. Above is my favorite photo of her from recent years. This woman was full of faith, pride, and dignity. She taught me a lot as I watched her over the years. The biggest thing I learned from watching her was acceptance. She had to accept so many things over the course of her life-- changes that she never could have anticipated and changes that she did not necessarily agree with. But, to me, it seemed that the key for her was this: when she searched deep in her faith, then she found it in herself to accept. This was not easy for her. This is not easy for any of us. But she did it. And she did it with dignity. I learned from watching her with that. One example out of many is, of course, her acceptance of her brown-skinned great-grandsons. Imagine how far from her reality it would have been to consider the possibility that she'd be great-grandmother to two black boys born in Haiti. Well, she lived it. She accepted with faith and love. And she came to love those boys and find great joy and beauty in all that they are. She told me many times of how much she marveled at, and appreciated, what Braydon and I had done in adopting Kyle and Owen. And for that, for so many reasons, I will always be grateful. And really, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Grandma Lorraine lived a long, full, and rich life. The thing that stands out to me most of all was her life-long love-affair with my Grandpa Les. Another lesson learned from watching over the years: that it is possible to live out a life-long marriage of commitment and devotion. Again, from what I could see, they did it by rooting it in their faith. They were believers. And they never gave up. Through thick and thin, through sickness and through health, in richer and in poorer, they stuck it out. The most beautiful part of all (at least to those of us watching from the outside looking in) was that these two truly were in love with each other as soul-mates and best friends. I hope that Braydon and I can follow in their footsteps. I feel grateful to have been able to witness first-hand my grandparents' version of a steadfast marriage. In the past two weeks, as Grandma Lorraine began to slip away, my heart breaks for my grandfather. For as long as their lives have been, and as much as they anticipated that the end was near, it still makes me cry just to think of how he must be hurting in seeing her go. I hope, for his heart's sake, that he will be able to be with her relatively soon. I'm sure each day until then will feel like an eternity to him. On the other hand, everything is relative. This morning when I told Kyle that Grandma Lorraine had died, the very first thing he said was, "We will die and be with her again soon." At first I was taken aback because I worried that he was implying that "we" (or he?) would be dying soon... but then he immediately continued, "Don't worry Mommy, we're going to live a long, long life and then we'll be in Heaven with your grandmother." What a deep believer my boy is. I like to think he got that at least partly from his grandparents and great-grandparents. I come from a long line of deep, faithful, life-long believers. And at times like these, I am ever-so-glad for that.

Super Bowl Sunday

2010-02-07T10:46:00.002-05:00

Outside & Inside: Brother-Sister-Love

2010-02-04T20:56:00.001-05:00

K & M Swing

O & M Tub

Griffin's Haiti Fundraiser!

2010-02-04T15:49:00.001-05:00

http://www.haitineedschange.org/

Griffin goes to school with K & O. The three of them have been good friends for the past three years. What a cool idea he and his family have come up with!?!!

We are so grateful for our friends throwing Haiti Fundraisers. This kind of stuff means more to us than I could possibly express.

2010-02-04T13:25:00.002-05:00

1st day of Kung Fu!

2010-02-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

There's more going on here than just a fun time, but man oh man did Kyle and Owen have a blast at their first day of Kung Fu. A ton of running around, learning some basics for kicks, punches and blocks, and a quick lesson in discipline (not listening results in 5 push-ups - and not keeping your hands up results in a gentle tap on the head - since you missed keeping the teacher's hand away from your head). For these new Little Dragons, it was a great start.

Of course, I could get into the frighteningly deep levels of philosophy for why I've been wanting them to do this, but I won't. Today it was just good fun, the boys like doing it as well as like it that they are doing something that Papi does and besides - they get to wear a sash!

And yes, those are butterfly sticker tattoos on their foreheads. Not Kung Fu related in any way, just cute little butterfly tattoos for cute little butterfly loving boys, who also now do Kung Fu.

Photos of the Day: Milk Bubbles

2010-02-02T19:21:00.000-05:00

Philly Rocks for Haiti

2010-02-02T10:18:00.002-05:00

Do you live in the Philadelphia area? This benefit concert is being organized by Margie's daughter (Margie = our nanny/pillar-of-our-family). Great show, great cause -- spread the word!!!

Adoption Day 2010

2010-02-01T22:42:00.004-05:00

Last year we spent our Adoption Day in NYC; the Statue of Liberty was the main event (click here and here). That was so great. It was hard to think of something great enough to hold up to that. But we did. We planned our perfect 2010 Adoption Day and it turned out even better than perfect.

ADOPTION DAY 2010

First stop Chinatown...

...for lunch, of course...

...those soup dumplings at Joe's Shanghai have got to be some of the best edibles on the entire planet... we go crazy for these things!!!...

...dessert on the street = tea and tapioca ball drinks and shakes... as has always been our Chinatown tradition...

...this trip was K & O's first time riding the NYC subway... it did not disappoint!... subway = major high of the trip...

...including listening to/watching the subway street musicians...

...but the big event of the day... was... K & O's first Broadway show!!!...

...The Lion King... absolutely astoundingly amazingly amazing beyond belief!!!... the boys were mesmerized for every minute of the entire three hours. What an incredible gift to ourselves those four tickets were!...

...after the show... hot dogs for K & O from street vendors in Times Square...3 separate vendors that is... (photo above = the first of three hot dogs each for K & O)... those crazy-eating boys!

Our Adoption Day is so special to us. It was a great big huge great day.
~~~
Once again, this year, a huge THANK YOU to MorMor -- and this year MorFar too -- for spending the day at home with Meera so that we could be footloose and fancy free in the big city!

HAPPY ADOPTION DAY K & O!!!!!

2010-01-31T13:28:00.002-05:00

January 31, 2005-January 31, 2010 = 5 Years Together!

Hotel Montana

Port au Prince Airport, about to leave for Miami

Kyle, after a few weeks home

Owen, after a few weeks home

Stacey Plans a Haiti Fundraiser!

2010-01-26T15:07:00.002-05:00

Our great friend Stacey has organized a Haiti Earthquake Relief Fundraiser. All proceeds to benefit Heartline. This is such a great idea and could be replicated in every city and town!--- Just imagine!!!

Read about it here (and go if you're from the area!!!):

http://www.recordernewspapers.com/articles/2010/01/26/echoes-sentinel/news/doc4b5df902ad9f0228287911.txt

P.S. What a joy a good friend is. Thanks Stacey. I love you Stacey.

Haitian Through and Through

2010-01-25T21:14:00.004-05:00

Kyle, first week together, in our room at the Hotel Montana, Port au Prince, Haiti

We began our adoption process in January 2004. All we knew was that we were ready to start a family and we had a lot to give. We were open to anything and knew from the beginning that race, gender, or place-of-origin did not matter to us. We did some research, but very quickly decided on Haiti. We felt, all along, that Haiti chose us (not the other way around). The primary reason we went with Haiti was because, simply, in our opinion, Haiti had the most need. It was straight-forward for us and felt like an obvious choice. At the same time as we began the adoption process we also began the process of learning all that we could about Haiti. During our year-long wait (now 1 year seems impossibly short for Haitian adoption, but at the time it felt like an eternity), we spent a lot of our time learning about Haiti. We read a ton, talked to everyone who knew anything, and scoured the internet. At the time, most of the people we encountered in our day-to-day lives didn't even know where in the world Haiti was located. It was not on the radar for the vast majority of people, nor would it have been for us if we hadn't been adopting from there.

We knew that it was going to be up to us to instill in our children a sense of connection to their place of birth. We knew that it was entirely our responsibility to raise them with an intrinsic understanding of their Haitian roots. We knew that it was on us, and us alone, to foster their pride in, and compassion for, Haiti. We took this on with little hesitation, and made it our own. By the time they came home, we, as Kyle and Owen's parents, were pretty well-read, aware, and able to hit the ground running. Our boys were eight months old but we talked to them, daily, about Haiti. I don't think one day has gone by since then that we haven't talked about Haiti.

We've fostered in Kyle and Owen a deep and true love for Haiti. That is something of which we are extremely proud (I think it is right up there as one of top few things of which we are most proud in our parenting so far). But it is complicated. Very, very complicated. In so many, many ways. Haiti is a place they don't consciously remember, an island they left at a young age, a world far removed from their day-to-day lives that they can't possibly fully understand -- but it is their place, it is their land, it is their roots -- and they know it, and they feel it. I guess I did not completely comprehend the extent to which this was true until these past few days. Haiti is in their minds, in their hearts, and in their souls. In the most profound, inexplicable ways. I have heard things from my boys in the past few days that I would not have anticipated or predicted. Phrases, and ways of saying things, that have stopped me and given me chills. Ways of talking about their homeland (I write that word consciously) that make me want to cry-- in more ways than one. Yes, they were adopted to white American parents. But Kyle and Owen are Haitian through and through ~~ in ways that I wasn't fully aware of two weeks ago.

On Saturday we were eating lunch in a restaurant that had televisions all over the place broadcasting sports. In the middle of lunch Owen, Braydon, and Meera headed to the bathroom and during those few minutes that they were gone from the table an advertisement came onto the television fund-raising for Haiti earthquake relief. A few images were shown on the ad. It was unavoidable, and Kyle saw it. In between bites of macaroni and cheese he said to me, very mournfully, "Mommy, that is our land." I said, "Yes, it is. It is all of our land" (motioning around the table, to say, 'it is all of our family's land -- we are all in this family connected to Haiti' -- trying to help him feel that he's not alone in this). He corrected me, "No, that's my land. I was born there. It is my land. It is me and Owen's land." "Yes, you're right. It is your land," I said, trying to let it be what it was. A minute or two of silence and then I said, "How does it make you feel when you see pictures like that?" He said, "Sad. It makes me sad. Because it is my people. I wish it happened here instead. I wish we had an earthquake instead of them."

Things I've heard my boys say in the past few days, that I never saw coming:

"Our houses fell down."

"Our people are hurt."

"Our land got shaked."

Earthquakes are at the forefront of their minds. It comes out in their play. Climbing high in a tree, they shake the branches on purpose, as hard as they can, and I listen as they play it through together: "We're in a huge earthquake! It is shaking! Everything is falling!" In the house they pretend that they are rescuing people from the rubble: "Quick! Someone is stuck in here and we have to get them out before they die!! Hurry! Get them some water!" In the sandbox today they were mixing buckets of rainwater with sand saying out loud to each other, "We're going to make the houses with floors and strong, no dirt-floor-houses, no houses that could fall in earthquakes."

All this time we've been so conscious of their Haitian roots. All this time we've been working to build a foundation of pride in our Haitian-American sons. But never, never, could we have imagined the way life would all play out. And so, everything has changed, and yet nothing has changed. And they are Haitian through and through.

Wear It Loud and Proud!

2010-01-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

HELP HAITI T-SHIRTS!!!

http://www.aaronivey.portmerch.com/stores/product.php?productid=17149&cat=0&page=1&featured

Helping the Livesay Family // Helping Haiti

2010-01-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

HELPING THE LIVESAY FAMILY:

Please keep this family in your heart -- so that they can be lifted up -- during these immensely difficult days.

first television report on the kids:

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/family-separated-between-haiti%2C-texas

If you feel in you a desire to tangibly help this family, there are three ways you can do it:

make a tax deductible donation for the Livesay children via World Wide Village. Make sure you state that it is for "The Livesay Children" in the 'notes' section.
give them a gift card to Target -- these gift cards can be given online -- use this email address to send to oldest sister Britt: dudeiminhaiti@yahoo.com.
use PayPal to send money directly -- send it to this PayPal account: christinemoers@hotmail.com, and make sure that you clearly state that the money is for the Livesay children.

~~~~~~~~

HELPING HAITI:

If you haven't yet given, please give. If you've given, please give more.

http://haiti-relief.org

ACT NOW.

photo: Owen and Kyle, home, age 10 months

The Thick of It

2010-01-20T08:41:00.001-05:00

a 6.1 "aftershock" this morning in Haiti. we, from a distance, cannot, should not, and will not, lose sight of this.

2010-01-19T14:14:00.002-05:00

In the Wake of the Earthquake

2010-01-18T22:22:00.003-05:00

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary."

~~Martin Luther King, Jr.

When the boys crawled into bed with us early on Wednesday morning we told them about the earthquake. Braydon and I had been up practically the whole night, watching the television in disbelief. "There was a big earthquake in Haiti last night," I said. And then, gently, snuggled together, all four of us twisted up tight under the covers, "and lots of people died." Owen's first response came quick: "Is my birthmother o.k.?" It should go without saying how profound it is that this is what he first said. Generally speaking, in the raising of our children, we go by a rule of thumb passed on to me by my own mother: we answer their questions as honestly as possible, and we answer only what is specifically being asked (as hard as that is to do sometimes). "We don't know," I said, in answer to his question. And then, all cozied up in our big bed, he looked at me with his dark brown eyes and asked what I knew he wanted to know: "Did my birthmother die?" "I don't know," I said. "Do you have her phone number? Can you call her?" asked Owen. "No, baby, I can't call her, I don't have her phone number, and I really don't even know if she has a phone." "Why?" he asked, "Why doesn't she have a phone?" "I don't know for sure if she has a phone or not, but last we knew she didn't have a phone." He's five years old. He doesn't fully understand what it means that he was born in Cite Soleil to a beautiful woman in dire, desperate, destitute poverty. Nor should he understand. I wish he never had to understand. Lying in bed it all seemed surreal. We moved on to a whole series of questions and answers about earthquakes and what happens when buildings collapse. We turned on the t.v. for a few minutes, there in our bedroom, so that the boys could see the early footage of Port au Prince. And then Kyle and Owen were off to their typical kindergarten day. Margie arrived to take care of Meera. And Braydon and I were off to work. Later, after school and work and everything else, 24 hours after the initial earthquake hit, we watched a few minutes more of CNN. As we put the boys to bed that night we prayed for the people of Haiti, as we do every night. And we added extra prayers. Kyle prayed that the people could find food and water. Owen prayed that his birthmother was o.k. Braydon and I tucked them in and then ran downstairs as fast as we could to turn CNN back on. We watched for a bit before I announced to Braydon that we could no longer let our boys see any more of it. The news reports were starting to get more serious, the footage more raw, dead bodies everywhere, destruction of places so dear to us, mass graves, the whole city in shambles. They can't see this. Definitely not. Not now, not at age five.

Every night since 5:00 pm Tuesday, Braydon and I run to watch CNN as soon as we get the three kids in bed. We check Facebook and Twitter incessantly. We give money and try to send support in loving emails and notes and we pray and send out wishes and hopes. We see people we know being interviewed in news reports and featured in articles. We see famous news reporters filmed at Bresma in Port au Prince, the orphanage where Kyle and Owen were first brought as newborns, before they were moved to the orphanage where they'd spend their first eight months of life. We see images of places where we've been that look nothing like they did when we were there. We try to answer the boys' questions while at the same time buffering them from the magnitude of it. We're living a strange fuzzy warped existence right now. Constantly distracted by a deep anxiety seemingly coming from nowhere identifiable. The feelings of our waiting (the year that we waited, during the adoption, for Kyle and Owen) --feelings that we thought we had left way behind-- have bubbled right back up to the surface in a big way. The anxiety, frustration, sense of alienation, isolation -- the feeling that nobody really 'gets it' -- the sense of horrific injustice to the Nth degree -- the scope of it all -- the compulsion to act up against an overwhelmingly complicated structure of inequity -- life hanging in the balance -- innocent lives in shambles -- babies without formula -- children without food -- people without water -- thousands upon thousands without proper shelter from blaring sun and raging hurricanes -- how can this be happening? -- how can the whole world go on as if this doesn't exist?-------- It is all right there, at the surface again, reminding us that we never actually worked through it in the first place... because it is not something one can actually work through.

Friday was a long-planned dentist appointment for the boys. A regular check-up and cleaning. I picked the boys up from school early and they were in great spirits as we drove there. They love the dentist. Suddenly, out of the blue, in a totally normal matter-of-fact tone, Kyle, from the back seat, says, to no one in particular: "We're from Haiti, so that means we're poor." I practically drove off the road, stunned. 'Stay calm, don't over-react, steer straight,' I think to myself. "Why do you say that Kyle?" I ask, as even-keeled and up-beat as possible in my intonation. "Where did you hear that? Who said that?" "Nobody," he said. "Who said that at school?" I ask, pointedly, sure that it must have come from somewhere. "Nobody," he said, "I just thought that in my own mind." I pressed a bit more until I came to believe him-- he had come up with this on his own, piecing things together, inevitably, despite our best efforts. I pulled off and put the car in 'park' on the side of the road. I turned around to face him and his brother. The two of them so precious, so gorgeous, so beaming with life, there in the backseat. "You were born in Haiti, but we are NOT poor," I say firmly, "we are the opposite of poor." "Who is poor Mommy?" Kyle asks, genuinely wanting to know, his huge eyes peering straight into mine. "There are lots of poor people," I say, trying to think fast. "There are poor people here in the United States, and there are poor people in Haiti. Some people are poor. And some people are not." We talked about it a bit before I pulled back onto the road. Driving to the dentist we talked about a homeless man we met while we were in Washington D.C. for Thanksgiving, and about how we had given him money to buy breakfast one morning. The boys talked about wanting to bring food to Haiti -- to "give them food, like we gave Anthony [the homeless man] food." "Mommy, imagine if I was a pilot and I could just fly right to Haiti on a big airplane filled with food!" "What if I could take a huge boat and bring it full of water for everyone in Haiti?!!" "What if I was so strong I could hold up all the houses and even in an earthquake it wouldn't shake?!!!" Yes, what if. Just imagine.

We arrive at the dentist office. We enter the gorgeous, hyper-clean, modern waiting area. A huge flat-screen t.v. on the wall is set to CNN. Horrific images flood the screen-- crumbled buildings, bodies in the street, children's faces peering out of rubble. Dust and smoke and devastation. Immediately I ask at the front desk, as calmly as possible, for them to change the channel. They know Kyle and Owen, are aware that they are Haitian, understood the unspoken, and changed the channel quickly. Nickelodeon. Some crazy neon smiley bouncy "kids show" unlike anything the boys had ever witnessed (they don't see much t.v.). They were enthralled in the gloss of it. I was just glad it wasn't CNN. We watched until we were called in for the check-ups. Perfect teeth. No cavities. And big news, loose teeth for both boys! "Wiggle those baby teeth everyday!" the dentist orders the boys, "So that your big teeth can grow in!" They wiggled diligently all the way home. I let them watch 'Curious George,' and I made them their favorite dinner that night. Creamy pesto pasta. Trying to feed them love. Trying to make myself feel good. It always feels so good to watch them eat so much so eagerly. "Thank you Mama!!!" they squeal, as they devour their dinner.

Soon after I'm tucking them into bed. I turn off the lights and go to kiss them. Owen looks up at me with tears in his eyes. "I'm sad Mama," he says, "I'm really sad because someone I know died." I'm taken aback. We have purposely kept the earthquake on the sidelines this day, trying to protect them from it as the news becomes more intense. "Really?" I ask, skeptical, thinking that he's just trying to delay bedtime. But the watery eyes tell my gut that there is something to this. "Yes," he says, "someone I know died in the earthquake in Haiti, and I'm so sad about it." "Sweetie," I say to him, "all of the people that we know in Haiti are alive." "No," he says, "this is someone you don't know. This is someone I knew when I was a baby in Haiti. You don't know her because you weren't there." "Oh?," I say, "who is it?" "It is Jonie--" he says, pronouncing this name, a name unfamiliar to me, not the name of anyone we've ever known, with a slight accent -- I must admit, a slight French/Creole accent. He continues, "--her name is Jonie." I get slight chills and sit down on the side of his bed. In the glow of the nightlight I watch his face closely. He is completely serious. "I don't know anyone named Jonie in Haiti," I say, "we didn't meet anyone named Jonie when we were in Haiti." "Did you see someone wearing flip flops?" he asks. "Yes," I say. "Brown flip flops?" he asks. "Probably," I say. "Well Jonie wears brown flip flops and I knew her when I was a baby and she died in the earthquake and I'm so sad about it." I have no explanation or understanding or way to know exactly what is going on here. But I hug him and tell him how sorry I am that he is sad. I try to comfort him as best I can. "I hate earthquakes," he says. "Me too," I say.

They ask about buildings falling. Did it hurt when they died? How can we be sure that our house won't crumble in an earthquake? How can we be sure that hotels in which we might stay in the future won't fall down? Why can't we bring food to the people? Why can't we stop them from starving? Is our birthmother o.k.?

Kyle and Owen know that a lot of people died in Cite Soleil, where they were born. They know that a lot of people died in Port au Prince, where their orphanage was. They know that the Hotel Montana, where we stayed for our first week together as a family, was completely demolished. They know that Rock and Patrick, the orphanage directors who saved their lives when they were infants and made it possible for us to be a family, both survived. They know that the children at their orphanage all survived. They know that the Livesays survived. Kyle and Owen know that the need in Haiti is great, and that it has been great their whole lives long and longer.

I know that Haiti was in crisis before this. So, how can we wrap our minds around the state of things now? I'm mourning the loss of a dream--- a dream I had of bringing the boys back to the Hotel Montana sometime soon. We had thought, 'Maybe even this spring, if the boys seem ready enough for it.' The idea was that we'd go there for our first trip back to Haiti. It is (was) a beautiful hotel - an oasis in Port au Prince. We wanted to bring them back there, just for a couple of nights, when they were still very young, so that later in life -- as they learned more about Haiti -- their first actively memorable yet slightly subconscious association with their birthplace would be as positive as possible. I wanted that foundation to build upon. I know we can still find beauty in Haiti. I know we will find beauty. But I am so mournful that we will not be able to revisit the place where we first became a family. Where we gave our babies their first baths. Where we read them their first books. Where we soothed their deep diaper rashes until they weren't bloody, and fed their distended bellies good formula until they couldn't drink anymore, and held them all night long becoming their Mommy and Papi. That place is gone now. It will never be back for us to visit. When will we be able to bring Kyle and Owen to Haiti again? How will this ever be made right?

I rocked Meera to sleep tonight. She's just finished a 10-day round of antibiotics for double ear infections. The prescription cost $95; it is the most powerful antibiotic available. We were happy to pay it. Our insurance covered most of it. She's better-- I can tell-- not tugging at her ears, sleeping well at night, and back to her healthy appetite. I can't help but think it, silently in Meera's bedroom: 'Oh my God, what if I couldn't get her what she needed? What if I had no access to antibiotics? What if I couldn't keep her from dying a senseless death? What if I couldn't mother her the way I need to mother her?' What if? Just imagine. As I held her bundled up in my arms, the humidifier in her room buzzing, my mind wandered. I remember holding Kyle that way when he was 19 months old just like Meera is now. I remember holding Owen that way too. Their hair felt so different than Meera's does, rubbing up against my chin. Their skin felt so different too, pressed against my neck. But they smelled just like her, as I rocked them to sleep. Clean diapers. Warm milk. The fabric softener we use in our laundry. The feelings flood me. I remember so much. It all comes back too quickly and it overtakes me. Bringing them home, helping them get healthy, teaching them to love-- that was all daunting, and the most challenging thing I've ever done with my life. But that was the easy part. The hard part is still before us. Their birth country was, and is now more than ever, in desperate crisis. Unwarranted death. Incomprehensible suffering. Injustice like I've never seen nor heard of. Their homeland, their roots, their people, our people. It is mind-numbing. I can't finish my soup at lunch. I feel sick to my stomach after eating dinner. It is hard to sleep. We put them to bed and kiss them goodnight and thank God they are here with us and plead with anyone who will listen to do something to help Haiti. We put on CNN and we see Port au Prince. How come we never saw Port au Prince on CNN before the earthquake? How come aid wasn't pouring in before the earthquake? How come relief wasn't "on the way" last Monday?

Braydon and I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work today. We can buy milk and eggs and yogurt and organic all-natural cookies. We are so grateful for that. In the checkout line there is a small poster asking for money for Haitian Earthquake Relief. On the poster is a photo of a Haitian girl, wearing only tattered rags for clothes, her hair a mess, her huge brown eyes staring into the photographer's camera. Now she's staring at us. Her eyes look just like Owen's always have. Her hair looks just like Kyle's did when he first came home. She looks Haitian. Just like my sons. Gorgeous at the core, beautiful at the root, resilient in the soul. You can see it all over her face. The photo draws me in. I am distracted for a minute. That is my boy. No, it is a girl on a poster. And then I remember we have to bag the groceries. And get home to our kids.

MLK Day

2010-01-18T13:11:00.001-05:00

"I have a dream that one day... the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

Help Haiti T-Shirts

2010-01-15T09:32:00.000-05:00

A friend of a friend is selling these t-shirts to raise money for Haiti Earthquake Relief. You'll see photos here of the bambinos wearing these as soon as we receive them in the mail! Please buy some today!

CLICK HERE

Desperate Need to Expedite Haitian Adoptions

2010-01-15T09:26:00.000-05:00

URGENT NEED ---- PLEASE DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO HELP EXPEDITE HAITIAN ADOPTIONS. There are many families in the U.S. who had already begun the adoption process of Haitian orphans. The situation was desperate to begin with, and now, after the earthquake, more than ever.

Here is something you can do, in less than five minutes, to help:

Please email your state senator to allow adoptive families who had already begun the process and been matched with a child/children to bring their Haitian children home immediately. Go to this site (click here or copy and paste the full link below), scroll to your state. You'll see links to your Senator. Go to their web page to urge them to help expedite Haitian adoptions.

link = http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

Haiti Earthquake - Please Give & Spread the Word

2010-01-13T21:08:00.018-05:00

PLEASE GIVE

Over the past 24 hours we have received many emails, phone calls, blog and Facebook comments, etc. from people all over the world who have thought of our family as they hear the devastating news about the earthquake in Haiti. We feel humbled that we have come to mind for so many. We are trying to wrap our minds around the situation in Haiti. We are trying to talk about it with Kyle and Owen. We are trying to understand what this all means for the people of Haiti, for the people we know working so selflessly there, and for those of us around the world with connections to a beloved -- and yet impossibly complicated -- place. There are no words for all that Haiti is and isn't. It is mind-numbing. And tonight, it is more mind-numbing than ever to try to grasp how this earthquake will impact such an already --in so many ways-- truly devastated place. Please~~ please~~ please~~ if the thought has entered your mind at all, please don't hesitate, please don't wait, please ACT NOW by giving, financially, whatever you can, to help Haiti. Many have asked us where to give. Over the course of the day today Braydon and I have thought about this, and talked about this, and done a bit of our own research on this, and we ask that you please consider giving whatever you can to an organization we trust, and to which we have chosen to donate for earthquake relief, Heartline. We know for sure that your money will go fully and wholly straight where it is needed. So, please, do two things:

1) Please CLICK HERE NOW and give, whatever you can.

2) Please link to this post, email this, Facebook this, blog this, Twitter this, and tell everyone you know about this to SPREAD THE WORD.

Major Earthquake Hits Haiti

2010-01-12T20:05:00.000-05:00

Please pray; if you don't pray, please send out positive vibes for a suffering country and its people.

And, if you can, please act, however you can.

Big Plans

2010-01-11T20:03:00.001-05:00

It is no secret that for a few years now I've had grand plans for my sons to be married to two particularly adorable girls in Alaska. Kyle and Owen know nothing about my marriage plans for them, but they have heard me talking about how cute I think these girls are, how great I think their family is, and how much I wish I lived closer to their mother (because I think I'd be really good friends with her if we could be 'real friends' beyond the blogosphere). I blogged about my grand plans for my boys' marriages once -- you can see it here. Well, it seems that already my boys have other plans of their own. Kyle and Owen have recently been talking about who they are going to marry. Owen has his heart set on a girl in his class. They appear to be madly in love with each other (I should be clear: in the cutest, most innocent way). They've had a couple of playdates with each other. Today, Owen was at her house for a playdate after school -- they made popovers for a snack and drank milk together while eating them fresh from the oven. According to Owen, the playdate was just swell. Kyle has his heart set on a girl from his own class. Today, while Owen was at his own house, Kyle's friend came over to our house for a playdate. They were so incredibly cute together. They told me that they plan to get married; that they will live in New York City; and that I can visit them anytime I want. They also told me that they plan to travel to China frequently and eat dumplings "all the time." They asked me to take a picture of them "since they're going to have a wedding," and the photo above was the result. They then proceeded to play about 10 games in a row of highly competitive Candy Land (I never would have imagined that two five year old kids could be soooo competitive about Candy Land). Anyway, I was having flash forwards to 10 or 20 years from now... and all I could think was, "If he chooses someone then that I like as much as I like his choice now we'll be all set." For some reason, with K & O, I can't help but always be wondering about what will come of their lives in the future. It is hard for me to not let my mind wander there when it comes to K & O. I'm just so curious about how it will all play out. I'm not rushing it, believe me!, I'm just simply curious. For now, we're happy with playdates and popovers and Candy Land and hopes and dreams.

Health Report

2010-01-10T12:12:00.002-05:00

On Monday, while going to pick up Kyle and Owen from school, Meera fell and smashed her face badly. We were standing in the school parking lot, just about to get into the car to go home. I was chatting with another mom and the boys were playing chase with one of their friends. Meera was trying to join in the chase game too -- sort of toddling around after the big boys like she tends to do. The boys' friend brushed by her, by accident, which caused Meera to lose her balance and she slammed down, face first. She was right near me but I couldn't block her fall in time. She screamed hard for a few minutes, and then was fine. The boys got in big trouble for playing chase in the parking lot and for not looking out better for their little sister. They felt terrible. I felt terrible. The whole thing was a mess. We got home and Owen made Meera a bottle right away. Kyle got the hydrogen peroxide and I cleaned out all the cuts. It was a big drama. A drama which seemed to traumatize all of us except Meera. The photo above was taken right after we got home. She woke up the next morning with the left side of her face very swollen, and a black-and-blue left eye. She takes it all in stride. It is healing nicely and doesn't seem to bother her. But it sure does bother the rest of us. On top of it, our poor baby is on another round of antibiotics-- her third in the past month-- for bilateral ear infections that just won't seem to quit (and causing all sort of other problems like hard-time-sleeping/up too much in the night and hard-time-eating/she's lost over 2 pounds in the past 4 weeks... that's almost 10% of her body weight). We'll go back to our pediatrician in a few days to see if this antibiotic is working. If not, we will have to see the ENT specialist. Which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world--- the ENT doctor/surgeon we have is amazing, and did really well by us when Kyle was Meera's age and had to have ear tubes put in and his adenoids taken out. I'd hate to have to see Meera go into surgery, but if she does have to, then it is this ENT who I want doing it. So, if it will be, it will be. In the meantime we're not worrying too much about it. And Meera is about as easy as it gets for a sick baby. Her worst days are probably like most babies' best days. We're not complaining.

In other news, Owen had his appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday. The doctor says that his collar bone is healing well and seems to be fusing nicely, etc. It looks like we're in the clear with no need for surgery, re-setting, etc. We will go back in three weeks for a follow-up to check on it. For now, he's favoring it a lot still, and we're trying to keep him from doing anything crazy. He's very good about knowing his limits. But his limits are way above and beyond what anyone would imagine of a kid with a broken collar bone. Trying to keep Owen from being active is like trying to keep a fish from swimming.

Lastly, Mama has a bad cold. And Kyle and Braydon are healthy as can be. So, we've got two standing out of five. Not all that bad. ;)

after-school-snack Friday. as you can see, they are all just fine!

And that closes the door...

2010-01-08T20:11:00.000-05:00

...on the holidays of 2009.

And now regular blogging can resume.

What We Did Over Winter Break

2010-01-08T20:09:00.002-05:00

The boys had two weeks off from school for Winter Break. I took those two weeks off too, and Braydon took all but two days of it off. This was the first time, ever, that we've taken so much time off-- and we LOVED IT!!!!!!! We were away (in NH and CT) for all but four of those days. But those four days were spent entirely at home, just the five of us, making the most of our down-time. In a few photos I can document pretty much all that we did. Because we did the same few things over and over and over. Here goes~~

1. We enjoyed our Christmas presents (photo above, the boys with a book that Margie gave them).

2. We watched football. We watched it being played on tv, and we watched it being played in our house. Braydon and I have absolutely zero interest in football. But K & O are obsessed with it. Obsessed. Kyle especially. And MorMor and MorFar's Christmas presents to them (the full football gear) has taken the obsession to a whole new level. Due to Owen's broken collar bone, they haven't been wearing the shoulder pads, etc. (the shoulder pads put pressure on Owen's shoulder and it hurts)... but they spent a great deal of time over Winter Break with the helmets and gloves on. Yes, it is surely crazy to let them throw the football around in the house. But, whatever. We do what we do.

3. Kyle is currently also obsessed with knights and armor. He gets obsessed with things. Like, totally locked-in, fixated on things. And he pulls Owen into it and then they are both sort of locked-in. Kyle asked and asked and asked repeatedly constantly incessantly for me to help them make swords, shields, and armor. Our first day at home over the break, we made it all (out of cardboard and tin foil). They couldn't have been happier. They then played for hours and hours and hours with the stuff over the days we were at home.

3. Candy Land. Another Christmas present from Margie. (she gave them a ridiculous amount of very nice presents!!!!!!!!) I think that over the four days we were home over the break we played Candy Land at least 700 times. No joke.

4. Meera discovered the beauty of having her brothers (Owen, in particular, is her brother of choice for this) push her around in the toy doll stroller. This stroller was used for this exact same thing four years ago when K & O would spend hours upon hours pushing each other around in it. Crazily pushing each other around in it (like, one running like a madman, pushing the other in the stroller, and slamming him into the wall/counter/door/cabinet/whatever). Now Meera has discovered that they'll do the same for her. And this is now all that she wants Owen to do. 24x7. She pulls the doll stroller to him, and says, "Peees! pees! pees!" looking up at him. She does this until he gives in to her (which doesn't take long-- Owen is a sucker for Meera), and then Owen pushes her around, maniacally, in it for hours. With Kyle running around along with them. With Meera screaming happy squeals and the three of them causing quite a ruckus. This goes on multiple times a day, for long stretches of time. I am totally completely shocked that this pathetic little Toys-R-Us cheapo doll stroller is still holding up.

5. The Leapsters. The "video games." The boys have been loving the Leapsters since they earned them a few weeks ago. But this Winter Break was really the first time they had a chance to just hang out, playing with them whenever they felt like it. Kyle is practically fully reading and spelling now, and Owen is doing pretty complex addition and subtraction -- all the direct result of the Leapsters. Seriously, I am very impressed with the educational quality of these things. And it takes a lot to impress me that way.

6. Meera has been power-napping every day. 3-4 hours daily. She's making up for lost sleep (all those nights she was up all night long while we were traveling), and she's also still battling the double-ear-infections (whole other subject, but I think we might be on the way toward ear tubes for our girl). Anyway, over the Winter Break, when she wasn't sleeping or sitting in the doll stroller, she was eating... with bunny and monkey. She is so stinkin' cute we can hardly stand it. All four of us are gaga over her. It is pathetic. Can you imagine the poor soul who is brought home for her first date???? Heaven help them. For now, the loves in her life are --thankfully-- just bunny and monkey. Here she is, having lunch with them one day:

7. Speaking of eating... The boys have been eating up a storm. I guess another growing spurt or something (who am I kidding? they seem to be in a constant state of growing-spurtness). Some stats from recent days-- 1 large loaf of banana bread that I made one afternoon was gone --all but one slice-- the next morning; one day Owen ate 5 pieces of cinnamon-raisin wheat toast with butter in one sitting; Kyle ate 3 large bananas in a row (in less than 10 minutes) one day; 1 gallon of OJ, gone, in less than 48 hours; 1 package of Cracker Barrel sharp cheddar cheese in 1 episode of Curious George; they now eat the "family size" package of ravioli between the two of them, I now have to make 3 (not just 2) boxes of Annie's mac-n-cheese for them, and we go through a ridiculous amount of fresh fruit each day. You should see the grocery bill. Like I've said many, many times... I cannot imagine what it is going to be like when they are 16. Seriously. Here they are having an afternoon "snack" (one of probably 2-3 "snacks" they had over the course of that particular afternoon) of bagels with cream cheese (note, these are very dense "fully loaded" whole wheat bagels from our local bagel shop-- they are loaded with seeds of all sorts, cranberries, raisins, nuts, etc. and I am full when I eat one for breakfast in the morning), apple juice, and grapes. These boys can eat.

And that's what we did for our Winter Break.

The 18-Month-Old Christmas

2010-01-06T21:34:00.002-05:00

Meera, age 18 months, having a bottle while we pack up at the hotel before heading out to the Portland Symphony Orchestra, December 20, 2009

Since Kyle, Owen, and Meera were all born in May it is hard to not always be thinking of the contrasts and similarities between the experiences of things during the cycles of life. Braydon and I think and talk about this all the time. From the time Meera was born we've been doing the compares and contrasts, and we're completely fascinated by the similarities and differences. There are obvious differences -- like the mega-humongous-difference between raising twins vs. raising a singleton; raising boys vs. raising a girl; raising off-the-charts-spirited children vs. raising off-the-charts-angel child; adopted children vs. biological children; ETC. The similarities are not so obvious, but they are most definitely there -- like the fact that all three of our children are extrovert social butterflies who love being out-and-about; that all three of our children seem unusually (strangely?!) happy pretty much all the time; that all three of them are physically big and tall for their age; etc. The fact that they were all born in May means that they were all just turning one in the springtime; were swimming like little maniacs in our pool the summer they were one; were the exact same age for their first time trick-or-treating; were all 18-months-old for their first non-infant Christmas. The fact that they were all born in May also means that Meera's been able to wear the boys' hand-me-downs throughout her babyhood -- which just makes the compare and contrast come to mind more often because we see her wearing things this winter and they are the things the boys wore "the winter they were her age" (etc.). I think because of the same age cycle between them, the memories seem to come more easily to the surfaces of our minds. This Christmas we thought about it a lot. Getting Meera in and out of all her snow gear was a major job (like it is with any toddler), and we couldn't help but think, "Remember when we were getting TWO in and out of all that snow gear?!?!!" (now THAT was a job!). Dealing with one baby while traveling is a task, but we remember the craziness of traveling with twin toddlers and we sigh with relief that we got a singleton this time around! Meera's delight in Christmas this year reminded us of the boys' delight in the Christmas when they were her age. The year the boys were Meera's age they loved the bouncy Santa dangling from MorMor and MorFar's ceiling over the dining table. And Meera loved that too this year. They used to love to take ornaments off the tree and toddle all around the house with them. Meera did that this year too. The boys were off-the-walls, crazily-active, bouncing-baby-boys when they were Meera's age. Meera is calm and laid back and happy to just quietly toodle around doing her own thing. The boys were so hard to contain. Meera is so easy. The boys took forever to get to sleep at night, but then would be out 'till morning. Meera goes right down, but is up all night when we're not at home. Each Christmas is special, of course. But there is something really magical and momentous about that 18-month-old Christmas --- the first Christmas that they are really consciously aware; the first Christmas that they have an inkling that something really special is happening; the first Christmas that you can really see them taking it all in. That 18-month-old-Christmas is a once-in-a-lifetime for a parent to enjoy. We don't take it for granted. And we feel so lucky to have been able to get three of them.

Braydon, Kyle, Owen, Heather on a sleigh ride through the woods, Christmas 2005.

On the way home - Christmas with G'amma

2010-01-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

Last year after Christmas, we headed down to Philly, where my sister was living to visit with her and my mom for the day and had a very nice time. Now that my sister is in DC, we decided it was best to stop by my mom's great new place in MA on the way home.

We got there in the morning after having missed a big winter storm the day before and had a chance to go for a nice walk down past the pond to the playground and get out of the car for while. My sister was up from DC and our Aunt Diana swung by for the visit and had a chance to meet and experience the entire family.

After some crazy, yummy gourmet pizzas from a place nearby and some homemade cookies, we got down the business of opening Christmas gifts. The boys enjoyed bringing out the Connectagons and books, while Sabrina told Kyle stories. Meera toodled around looking at the pictures and Sabrina's sculptures while getting picked up and cuddled by my mom. Everyone got some good affection.

The visit was just a couple hours, but we fit in a lot of good chatting, playing and enjoying each other.

Hand-Me-Downs: Christmas Sweaters

2010-01-05T21:26:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year!

2010-01-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

It was a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATION for the J-Ms this year! We made the quick 2.5 hour road trip to Connecticut to spend New Year's Eve with the Slavins (see post from August by clicking here). Something about having been college roommates seems to make time spent as families now that much sweeter. I don't know why, exactly, but it is just really really really special. And fun!!!!!!!!!!!!! I especially love to see our kids play together! Imogen and K & O get along together (and fight too!) like 3-little-wild-peas-in-a-pod. And Audrey and Meera are really just too cute (even when they fight!) as "the babies" twosome. I love it that our kids fight and play together-- more like healthy cousins or siblings than as friends who hardly ever see each other. To me, that is really great and I take it to mean that we're in it with these kids for the long haul. I have high hopes that our kids will know each other well their whole lives. There is no family on the planet that we'd rather spend New Year's with. We plan on making it a tradition. Highlights included seeing, and spending time in, the Slavin's new house (they relocated to CT from CA this summer); sledding on their perfect front-yard sledding hill (what K & O wouldn't give to have this hill in their own front yard!!!); hot chocolate and marshmallows; the Keurig coffee (ahhhhhh!!!!); indoctrinating the children to New Year's Eve party trinkets and noisemakers; lots-o-margs (of course!!!); an amazing sweet-potato-black-bean-burrito dinner; the kids curled up on the couch with their loveys watching Tinkerbell; champagne and bbq chips; chocolate fondue at midnight; super-duper french toast and Canadian bacon on New Year's Morning; and... the biggest highlight of all... The New Year's Day SHOW (this was a show, in five acts, put on by the five kiddos ~~ and what a show it was!... they are already planning for the 2011 New Year's Day SHOW); many laughs and lots of good time. Meera was fast asleep within 5 minutes of pulling out of the Slavin's driveway, and K & O were in bed asleep by 6:30 p.m. that night. Four days later, we're all still recovering. But it was OH-SO-WORTH-EVERY-SECOND-OF-IT!!!!!!!! :)

I - Christmas in New Hampshire 2009

2010-01-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness. Christmas 2009 was the best ever -- at least of my adult life and our life of Christmas-with-kids (as opposed to Christmas-as-kids --- in our family, according to my mother, the Matriarch, you get a stocking until you have kids yourself-- and thus, you experience Christmas-as-a-kid until you begin to experience, first-hand, Christmas-with-kids). I gotta say, both are magical in their own right. But I, for one, am definitely a huge fan of Christmas-with-kids. I can honestly say that this was a magical, wonder-filled, as-good-as-it-gets-Christmas. So much so, in fact, that I am self-conscious to post about it for fear of what people will think ("oh, she's gotta be delusional" or "she's making this stuff up" or "screw her and her Norman-Rockwell blog" or worse). I've decided to write these Christmas posts as if 1,000 people aren't reading this everyday (sidenote: I still am stunned every time I look at our blog meter and see that 1,000 people are reading this). I'm going to write as if this is just a journal for my three children and Braydon and me. I'm going to write this to reflect the Christmas that it was -- despite my trepidation of 'audience.' For the past few days I've been thinking about something that a friend of ours, another adoptive mom of Haitian sensations, wrote on her blog recently. She wrote: "So if it seems like I write with rose-colored glasses, it's because I am blessed to be living a rose-colored life." I too, am living a "rose-colored life." At least that is how I see it. We can, I believe, to some extent, choose how we view the world. We can choose the lens through which we see our lives. And I choose to, and naturally do, see the best in things and people. Having said that, still, I must admit, even I am often breathless for a moment in thinking what a charmed life we are living. And times like the past two weeks are big reminders of all that we have to be grateful for. I live a great and grateful life. Without further ado... here is... a glimpse of Christmas 2009... in snippets and snapshots.

The boys' last day of school was Friday the 18th. We had quite a whirlwind few weeks leading up to that, and I was out-straight and burning the candle at both ends to make everything happen. But on Saturday morning the 19th, we set sail for our holiday. We hit the road, just ahead of a big storm, and we made it in record time. It took us only 8.5 hours to get to Portland, Maine. Where we checked into a lovely hotel and immediately headed to the indoor swimming pool. We spent a great family night in Portland before kicking off our Christmas on Sunday with the beloved Johnson tradition of the Portland Symphony Orchestra's Magic of Christmas concert. We joined up with my parents, our dear family friend Alice, and my sister's family at a stupendous Portland chowder house before heading to Symphony Hall. This concert has been running every Christmas for 30 years. And we have been to 29 of the 30! I started going when I was seven years old! Braydon started going when he was 22! Kyle and Owen have gone for all but their first Christmas (when they were infants, in Haiti still). Meera's already gone twice now. It is tradition. And tradition, at the root of it, is what our Christmas is all about. So far, for Meera only, it is tradition to fall asleep during the Magic of Christmas in Portland. This year MorMor was the lucky one to have the precious sleeping babe in her arms for most of the concert.

Here we are (below) in Portland after the concert. Three generations valuing the tradition that it is. Meera was, I must admit, beyond adorable in her Christmas attire. How much do I love dressing my baby girl??? What a gift this girl is to me and her grandmother. And what a gift this girl's grandmother is to me.

We left Portland and headed for New Hampshire. Within just an hour of our arrival in Freedom, at MorMor and MorFar's house, MorMor unveiled the 2009 Christmas Cookies. Tin after tin after tin. She spent an entire 8-hour-day making over 9 different kinds of cookies (multiple batches of each) this year. Her kids and her grand-kids all have their favorites, of course. But these are all traditional cookies which have varied very little over the years of my life.

Many of the cookies are Swedish, of course, and it is tradition -- at least for MorFar -- to break out the whipped cream to eat with the pepperkaker. Pepperkaker is good. But with whipped cream, some say, it is great. Here are K & O, following tradition.

Lots of traditions, big and small. A specific concert every year for 30 years and a specific type of dried toast to dunk in your coffee every Christmas of your entire life (and your parents' and their parents' lives). What is the difference? It is something I've been thinking about a lot in the past days. Traditions are traditions. Big and small. Huge and tiny. They are the glue that holds it all together. It is precious and it is important. And it is profound when you think of passing them all along. Here is our Little Miss Meera eating her first (of many, for sure) cinnamon-sugar-rusk.

Oh, how I love those rusks at Christmastime. Dunked in hot black coffee. Is it the rusks and coffee, or is it the specific bakery where my parents always buy them (hours away from their home), or is it that it is Christmas, or is it that I'm standing there, in the kitchen, doing the exact same thing as my dad - almost in unison - as we have for so many mornings during Christmas week? Rusks-- a major, tiny, Christmas tradition.

There is a theme here. Traditional foods. Traditional Swedish foods. Traditional Swedish Christmas foods. And drink. Like Glug. This is Glug with a twist -- served by MorFar, outside, on a picnic table in the snow, on Christmas Eve Day.

But the biggest Swedish Christmas food tradition of all? --The Christmas Eve Smorgasbord. My mother is a force to be reckoned with. She is the one who makes it all happen. And the smorgasbord symbolizes it all. Foods that she ate, and we ate, and now our kids eat, every Christmas Eve every year, with no exception, ever.

Important notes re: smorgasbord 2009 -- Braydon finally loves gravlax! And Owen loves fish pudding, just like his mother!!!

And then there are the butterhorns on Christmas morning. Fresh from the oven, with the sugar glaze still dripping. Dough that was been rising by the woodstove overnight. I love this photo below. Amidst opening presents, Kyle (prompted by MorMor) suddenly appears bearing the first tray of butterhorns, and Owen bolts upright to run to the tray! (I love it too because Meera is playing with her favorite gift: a gift from Owen that she's played with for long chunks of time every day since).

But Owen's treasured edible tradition of choice this year turned out to be that box of fine Swedish chocolates he discovered the first day. And by the last day, it was entirely gone. And the rest of us had eaten only a handful, total, from that two-layered box.

Kyle says his favorite treasured edible tradition of choice this year was the hot dogs that he roasted over the fire on Christmas Eve Day. This is a new tradition, only a couple of years old. But it is set for the long haul, of that I am sure. Because Kyle will never let us not do it. Hot dogs, roasted on sticks, out in the snow, on Christmas Eve Day. That's one of the most amazing parts of all of this whole Christmas thing for us-- some of the traditions have been passed down for 3, 4, 5, or even more generations. And others are just getting started now. It is a joyful, evolving thing. Not a stagnant, bland thing.

Interestingly, speaking of new traditions, I'm pretty sure that Meera's favorite treasured edible tradition of choice this year was the wood-fired pizza at Flatbreads in North Conway. She's a modern girl, what can we say?!

Traditions... old and new... they are the glue.

II - Christmas in New Hampshire 2009

2010-01-04T22:54:00.001-05:00

Christmas Eve Day

The traditions -- old and new -- go far beyond food. Skiing on the days leading up to Christmas is a new tradition. For the four of us J-M's who ski (Meera will learn when she's three, but until then is off the slopes), it is a highlight. For K & O, it is the highlight. Our boys look forward to this all year. And even now, two weeks later, they are still standing firm that the "high" of the entire holiday was "skiing!!!" I think it might be their favorite thing to do in all the world. Seriously. They love it. And they are pretty dang good (especially for five year olds who only ski once a year). This was their third year skiing. They got right up, and bombed it down the hill on their first run. We were skiing -- like, full-on all-out the-four-of-us-skiing -- together and loving it. Braydon and I are so proud that we have taught our boys to ski. The first day we skied just the four of us (thanks to MorMor and MorFar for keeping Meera at home all day). The second day everyone joined us and it was 9 of us skiing together (us four, MorMor, MorFar, Sadie, Stina, Mark). It was a dream come true for my mom. And the truth is: it was dreamy. Even Meera loved it (she spent the afternoon toodling around the lodge with various chaperons who took turns hanging out with her and drinking hot chocolate).

Not so dreamy was the reality that on our first day skiing, Owen broke his collar bone. Yes, you read that right. He broke his collar bone skiing. Here he is (below) in the Ski Patrol Clinic at the lodge. Not a tradition we plan on keeping. More about our baby's broken bone in a post below.

Back to traditions that we like and want to keep... tubing at King Pine. Love it! The boys, especially love it! Here's Owen, loving every second of it. (even with a broken collar bone.)

And this year -- a magical gift was received by us -- solid frozen lakes clear of snow. We skated every day that we didn't ski. It was magical, and memorable, to say the least.

Candle-light Christmas Eve Service. A tradition passed down through the ages. A tradition we keep. We are blessed to have this as the place where we go on Christmas Eve:

Like I said, I am self-conscious of the loveliness of it. But, as Braydon reminds me (because he still reels from the wonderousness of it all, each and every year), "it is real." It is very, very real.

This year was a year to remember in regards to The Pageant. Of course, the J-Ms are sort of famous (infamous?) in Freedom for our "performances" in the Christmas Eve Pageant (most memorable of which, was, for sure, the year K & O were 2 years old). People tell us outright that they come on Christmas Eve in Freedom "to see what our kids will do this year" (???!!!?). Not sure how to feel about that... but... it is what it is. And, in keeping with tradition, this year the J-M children did not disappoint in making a huge show of it. It was "The Debut of the Littlest Angel" (i.e., Meera). MorMor saw it fit that Meera, at age 18 months, should be in the pageant this year. I personally would never have in a million years thought to put her in an angel costume and send her up there. But, alas, she loved every second of it, and so did her large audience. She stole the show (along with her brothers, whose precociousness never fails, and whose protectiveness for their baby sister is unyielding). She (and "bunny," her lovey) had to be pulled off the stage more than once for simply being too cute (seriously) and not letting the minister get on with the Christmas Eve regalia. I can't do it justice in words. I will have to look for it on YouTube one of these days, since a couple of different people in church that night told us that they had captured it with the camcorders. Anyway, it was, for lack of a better word, adorable. If you click on this photo to enlarge it you can see Meera Angel standing next to Kyle Angel on the left. Owen and Sadie are the two sheep to the right.

Another way that this year was a year to remember: The Christmas that Stina and Mark were engaged! Auntie Stina is getting married!!! Cheers!

And cousin Sadie is getting a great guy in her life. I have to say, in all honesty, we love Mark. He seems to fit perfectly with our family. And there is no denying that this threesome (skating on Christmas Eve afternoon) is very, very cute!

Moving onward with traditions... Santa's arrival on Christmas Eve afternoon. And yes, again, this year, he dropped off exactly, precisely what each kid had asked for. The look on Kyle's face = priceless and precious. "Yes! He came!!! And he brought a snowboard!!!! A red snowboard!!!!!"

And the snowboards were immediately put to good use. And they were "PERFECT!!!!!!" And Meera got the "underwater baby" / "baby doll that can go in the bath" that her brothers asked Santa for on her behalf.

Another tradition: trying to get that perfect photo of the cousins in front of the tree on Christmas Eve. We tried. Here is the best we could do:

Santa brings that one special gift on Christmas Eve afternoon. And then, while we are sleeping, he fills the stockings. And then, up the chimney he goes! The presents under the tree are our presents to and from one another. One gift per person from each person. It is simple and pretty minimal (by choice), but still, it adds up to be a very magical sight to behold!

And the gifts are substantial!!! K & O wanted only one thing this year (in addition to the snowboards from Santa)... "football outfits"... and their MorMor and MorFar pulled through big time!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about making dreams come true. Can you imagine the delight of having a MorMor and MorFar who, literally, make your wildest dreams come true? These boys have it.

Do these boys know how lucky they are? Yes, actually, they do. They know. And they are truly grateful. And they do let it be known in their own ways. Like, when Kyle, on Christmas morning, asked MorMor to go with him back upstairs (where he had already been for a time) so that she could "see him in the mirror!" He is a football star!

And another tradition: getting special gifts -- gifts that we didn't even know we wanted -- from the people we love. Here's Meera with her new favorite thing on earth: her "kitchen" from MorMor and MorFar. With dishes from Auntie Stina.

And here are the three older cousins, the day after Christmas. All knitting with treasures found in their stockings. A rare, beautiful, sunlight sweet moment of calm and quiet.

Christmas 2009 was filled with active adventure, snow, ice, love, giving, receiving, and the wondrous magic that can only happen when everyone puts their heart and soul into it. What a blessing!

III - Skiing and Skating and Tubing Oh My!

2010-01-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

(for a larger view of this collage, click here)

IV - Owen's Broken Collar Bone

2010-01-04T22:52:00.002-05:00

(Written by Braydon)

We've always known and have often said that both our boys have an absurdly high tolerance for pain. On more than one occasion we've found a blood trail in the house leading to one of our kids who had cut their toe or shin or something, only to find them playing happily as though nothing had ever happened. Or we've seen many a crash on a bike or scooter or toy that would toppled pretty much anyone, but they bounce up with a laugh and keep going. They are not immune to pain by any stretch of the imagination, and are also acutely sensitive to touch and feeling, but they can tolerate a lot of pain. Don't know why.

So, we've discovered we're a family that loves to ski together. We took the boys when they were 3.5 and 4.5 and now at 5.5. This year, like last, we went skiing before Christmas when the lines are short and the mountain has 2 for 1 deals going on - and it's wonderful.

We started on the bunny slope and way beyond what we expected, the boys picked up where they left off last year. Both K & O grabbed the tow rope and up they went. No poles of course, but right on up. And then right down, with a little snow plow and a little turning. A few of these little practice runs and we were off to the rest of the mountain.

We were not planning it this way, but I skied with Kyle and Heather skied with Owen. We got to the top of the lift and dumped out onto our favorite run from last year - a nice easy green trail. I followed Kyle, who, turns out, is a total speed demon, adrenaline junkie. He took off, blasting down the mountain. Now, I am a pretty aggressive skier, but he was bombing fast even for me. We went past a little tree'd area that I liked to ski through last year and flew to the bottom. Totally crazy.

Kyle and I got to the lift and waited for H and Owen. And waited, and waited and waited. Until I started to get very worried, and despite my best efforts to both hide it from him and also assure him, so did Kyle. So we took the lift back up. I imagined that Heather had a terrible accident. It did not occur to me it might be Owen.

When we got to the run, we saw Heather sitting on the snow holding Owen. A ski patrol passed me and Kyle and asked if that was them. I didn't know what he meant, but seeing it was not normal, sent him right there. When we got there, Heather had our boy cradled in her arms, he was not moving. I was freaking out. But when Kyle and I clicked out and got close, we could see Owen was awake and ok - just very still and in a lot of pain. Thank goodness he had his helmet on. He rode the ski patrol sled down like a champ, with me and Kyle flying down behind and Heather going down too. We headed to the ski patrol room where they carried him in for an exam. Later Owen told me that he wanted to ski down between the trees like Papi had done last year. Cutie pie. Unfortunately, it was all crusty ice this year and he slammed down very very hard.

In the ski patrol room, they wanted to cut his new turtle neck shirt off, but Heather managed to get him out of it. They articulated his left arm to gauge his reaction to it and determine how hurt it was. He was able to move it forward and back and all around and they declared that no matter how high his pain tolerance, that if it was broken he would have screamed bloody murder. Which he did not. It was hurting, but not broken.

After a little recovery and an attempt at some hot chocolate, we went back out skiing again to make sure he was not too afraid and we had a great rest of the day. Owen was a bit more tentative, but had a lot of fun. Then we did it again the next day and also had a great time. Owen was again more caution, but that's not really all that unusual for him. Kyle bombed down the mountain. People commented that if he lived in NH they would have him on the junior ski team.

Over the next few days O favored his hurt shoulder and we gave him motrin regularly for it. But generally he was himself and just seemed ok to play and move around. We went ice skating and at one point we did a long chain of 6 or so of us with Owen in the middle all holding hands and swinging around.

When we got home, his shoulder was still hurting him. We were going to make an appointment with our family doctor, but they said we should just go up to urgent care. Since that was like the emergency room, but with a 3 hour wait, we made an appointment with our local Chiropractor for the next day. But that night Owen woke up with a lot of pain.

Heather and I examined him and noticed a bump along his collar bone that we had not seen before. He was still really hurting so we decided I should take him to the emergency room - which I did. It was 11 PM.

The ER doc examined him, articulated his arm, up down, back front, pushing pulling and trying to see if it hurt. Owen said it did, this and that hurt, and mostly when the doc pushed on the bone with his thumb, but nothing dramatic. So the doc decided that he should get an x-ray to find out what was up.

Broken collar bone. Clear as day on the x-ray. Bent now, not curved. Starting to knit together, but with a little bump. Broken. Our 5.5 year old had a broken collar bone. For 8 days.

We're taking him to the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow for a review. The ER doc both assured us that he was going to be fine and that he would have full range of motion with no limitations. But that we should have the orthopedic group look at him. So we are.

Unbelievable in so many ways on so many levels. But I guess maybe that is just our boy.

Note: the photo above was taken in MorMor and MorFar's back yard on Christmas Eve Day. Yes, his collar bone was broken at that time.

V - Flicka Stuga at Christmas

2010-01-04T22:51:00.000-05:00

Over the rivers (the Delaware, the Hudson, and several others)

And through the woods --and cities (of New York, Hartford, Boston, etc.)

To ~~grandmother's house~~ Flicka Stuga we go

[note: MorMor & MorFar's house was named, by them, when they built it, "Flicka Stuga," the Swedish for "Girl's House"... and it is aptly named]

Papi knows the way to drive the five

Through the white and drifted snow, oh!

Over the river and through the wood

Oh how much work it takes --

To prep, and plan, and shop, and scam to create the Ho Ho Ho!

But, over the river and through the wood

Is the least that we can do --

{and this is where the emotions kick in and the whole lyric/rhyming thing starts to break down...}

For what we do is absolutely menial in comparison to what MorMor and MorFar do...

My parents. They love Christmas. They bring magic to the word magic. And they share it. But, the thing is, it isn't actually magic. It takes thought, time, energy, money, and most of all -- hearts of gold -- to make it all happen. My parents. They are, truly, an inspiration. I am learning from them. All that I can hope is that I will be able to carry it on for my children as my parents have done for me. The details are endless. Everywhere you look, every moment of each day spent, you see and feel what they have done to make Christmas Christmas. It is all meaningful. And for five people with the last name "Johnson-McCormick," it is all deeply appreciated.

Over the river and through the wood

to Flicka Stuga we go

Who knows what each day or year may bring?

So we savor these memories so.

Thank you Mom and Dad!

(and really, let's be honest-- MorFar is truly awesome, but MorMor is the Mastermind --- so, Mom, thanks especially to you at Christmastime. You are, for real, the best of the best.)

Christmas Card Photo 2009

2010-01-04T22:50:00.001-05:00

Holiday Break

2009-12-30T22:55:00.000-05:00

Will post soon about our many adventures of the past days ~

but, for now, we are thoroughly enjoying the holiday break;

trying to savor it in the moment;

without interruption for blog or otherwise;

knowing that it is a sweet fleeting time for indulging in the here and now.

For those of you checking in on us---

A Very Happy New Year!

Our Christmas Season the Year You Were 5 & 1

2009-12-19T06:19:00.002-05:00

My Dearest Ones,
Starting December 1 our Christmas Season begins. We woke up that morning and all ran downstairs in our pajamas to listen to Amy Grant's 'Tennessee Christmas' in the dull light of early morning. This is our tradition and it jump-starts many others. That song is about the beauty of being right where you want to be for Christmas. With you three is right where I want to be. You fill the season with magic. I can't imagine a better Christmas Season than the year you three were five and one; I know I say it every year, but it is absolutely true every year; I really cannot imagine it getting any better. Kyle and Owen-- you believe; you two are true believers in every sense. And this year was so special as you lead the way in teaching your baby sister all that there is to know about this season. Since she has always had some kind of problem with men with facial hair (?!), we were anticipating the worst for her first encounter with Santa. We were all surprised when she wasn't afraid and instead walked right up to the jolly man in red and proceeded to smile and give him kisses. Of course, in retrospect it shouldn't have been surprising-- she was toddling along, following, just two steps behind her big brothers, who were high-fiving and launching in to a full-blown Q & A session with Mr. Claus. "How do you get down the chimney? How do you make your reindeer fly? How do you know if kids have been good?" They were extremely relieved to be assured that they didn't need to have been 'perfect' this year ("nobody's perfect!"), but rather that they just need to have been 'good most of the time.' Owen, in particular, reminded us of that on numerous occasions ("It is ok if we're not perfect! Nobody's perfect!"). Yes, we assured you both, it is true-- nobody's perfect, and you were good most of the time. The truth is that you are good the vast majority of the time (although I'm the first to admit you drove my crazy the other minority of the time). One thing that didn't drive me crazy this year -- for the first time in five years -- was putting up the Christmas Tree! We were smart and proactive this year (why weren't we all those other years?). We put Meera to bed early and Kyle and Owen got to 'stay up late' to decorate the tree. But this year we started a new tradition of having the tree up and ready the night before (Papi did it while you were sleeping), so that everything was set to just decorate -- and thus, allow us to just enjoy the fun part (minus the wrestling the tree up and the bickering-over-positioning-of-limbs-and-lights parts). We drank eggnog (you love it this year!!!) and truly relished in every ornament of that tree-decorating-night. You have your favorites, of course, but each of those ornaments holds meaning for us. And our tree is thus, of course, the most beautiful in the whole wide world. Meera has enjoyed pulling certain ornaments off of it repeatedly (ornaments that we placed way down low specifically for her). And we've all enjoyed pulling candy canes off from time to time. Jesus is, again, a huge theme this year -- particularly for Kyle (our resident Theologian). Kyle doesn't let us forget -- not for a minute -- that this whole Christmas 'thing' is actually to celebrate when Jesus was born. While Owen has a million questions about Santa, Kyle has a million about The Christmas Story. And stories we have. You love reading Christmas books at bedtime during the month of December. And oh, how nice it has been for Papi and I to have a break from The Berenstein Bears!!! You savor those Christmas books and just pour over them as you minds dance and your imaginations fly. Our house is warm. Our spirits are bright. There is a lot that is special. It is all as it should be for precious young children during this season. And that, my Dearest Ones, is the true gift that we strive to give you each year. What we get in return is the greatest gift of all.
Love, Your Mama

Wrapping Gifts and Making Cookies with K & O

2009-12-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Margie made Christmas cookies with the boys. This, let me tell you, is a major undertaking. A challenge of utmost proportions. To be honest, I was shocked she'd even attempt it. The flour, the colored icing, the boys... the whole thing is just a formula for crazy-making. Check out Margie's crazy smile in the photo-- that says it all (that and the fact that her comment to me as she was leaving the house was, "Tonight I'll need an extra glass of wine!"). But they did it, and they loved it. And the end result was something they were all very proud of!

Today I helped the boys wrap their Christmas presents. This is a major event each year. Perhaps one of my most challenging events of the entire year. (I blogged about it two years ago here; I guess I tried to block out last year's event and didn't mention it on the blog, but I do remember it). Have you ever tried wrapping presents with young twin boys? Young twin boys as rambunctious as my two? With not a crafty bone in their combined bodies? You should try it someday. It is a true test of your patience. I will put it this way: In the past 48 hours I've finished grading final exams for both of my classes and submitted the course grades for the fall semester, I wrote and submitted a scholarly review of a book proposal to NYU Press, I finished off and submitted for final publication production a major project that I've been working hard on for the past 3 years, and I've planned/prepped/packed for a major trip for a family of five... and seriously... sincerely... in all honesty... the gift wrapping event this afternoon was the most challenging thing I've done in the past two days. Next year I've got to remember to divide the boys up and do wrapping with each one individually after Meera is in bed. Although, I can hope that it will be less challenging when they are six???

Anyway... for what it is worth... the presents all got wrapped, beautifully (they absolutely insist on a "twirly ribbon" on each one), and, as with Margie's cookies... the end result was something we were all very proud of -- and, as with Margie... I'll definitely be having an extra glass of wine tonight!

Photo of the Day

2009-12-17T21:22:00.003-05:00

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

2009-12-17T12:58:00.011-05:00

Any other Professor Moms out there in the midst of juggling the grading of final exams, the finishing of scholarly-projects-with-end-of-year-deadlines, and the planning-shopping-wrapping-and-giving-of-Christmas-presents??? If you're out there, say it with me my friends, "BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE." Much, much easier said than done. On top of the regular craze of the juggling of career - mothering - and management-of-all-that-is-family/home-life, the Christmas Season just slaps on a whole other layer. It always feels like it is teetering right on the brink of complete and utter chaos. But, add the end-of-the-semester and the making-Christmas-happen to the mix, and it makes for one seriously overextended Mama. Grade and wrap, grade and wrap, grade and wrap. Red pens for grading, red markers for wrapping. Crunch time for finishing off major projects, publishers with time-lines, editors with demands. A swamp of an email inbox. Term papers from graduate students who expect lengthy feedback. Undergraduate exams hand-written in blue books -- blue books that still make me quiver with anxiety (just now, for different reasons than when I was an undergrad myself). Parties and festivities and school assemblies to go to-- for work and for home. Late, late nights. Early, early mornings. Wrapping paper~ check. Tape~ check. Ribbon~ check. Lists upon lists upon lists of To Do Lists. Snowpants; wool socks; hostess gifts for every party; presents for the boys' teachers; the stamps for that slew of Christmas cards waiting to be sent; Christmas bonuses for the mailman and for the garbage truck guys and the lawn guys (and boy oh boy do those guys deserve a bundle after putting up with K & O's adoration all year long); gifts for the department secretary and teenager who takes care of the cat when we're gone and the neighbors who are always there for us; extra-special-super-duper-over-the-top-present for our beloved Margie (how on earth to say 'thank you for this year?' to her?????); hats that fit and mittens without holes; snow boots for all five; Santa Santa Santa; planning and packing for Christmas 2009. Long, lengthy and involved To Do Lists with bullets and arrows and important notes written into the margins. And then there is that other To Do List--- breathe deeply; pace yourself; remember that somehow someway it will all get done; don't freak out like your own mother did; remember the reason for the season; try to see it through their eyes; remain calm; don't go overboard; keep it simple; be fully present; be fully present; be fully present because they are only little once and you don't want this all to pass in a blur of hazy sleepless stress. This is important. Be with them, be within yourself, be free to truly experience it. Much easier said than done. But I am working on it.

Ready! Set! Go!

2009-12-16T23:32:00.002-05:00

Dear Santa

2009-12-15T19:47:00.003-05:00

Tonight we mailed two letters to Santa!

(click to enlarge)

Classic Meera

2009-12-14T20:58:00.000-05:00

Recent Quotes from the Dynamic Duo

2009-12-14T20:49:00.003-05:00

Some from Kyle:

One early morning, cuddling in bed~~ "Papi, I'm a little white just like you. And I'm a lot brown. I'm like you on my hands and I'm brown for the whole rest of me. "
Explaining to us one day why he has brown skin (note: Jaren Walker was the boys' summer sports camp coach and is Kyle's favorite Lehigh football player, who we watched play in many games this fall)~~ "God made me this way because I love football and I'm going to be a football player. Just like Jaren Walker. He's brown. That's why I'm brown."
One evening, requesting a specific type of cracker to be included in his lunch the next day, referring to his Kindergarten classmates~~ "Mommy, you have to put these crackers in my lunch because my people love these crackers! And you have to put my bulldozer spoon for my soup because my people love it when I have that spoon!"
Kyle is fascinated with languages right now. He's particularly interested in the idea that different people speak different languages and that it is often rooted in geographical location and/or race. He has a classmate who is Russian. Kyle often overhears her speaking Russian with her Mom. One day, totally out of the blue~~ "People from France speak French. People from Mexico speak Spanish. People from Russia speak Russian. I wish I moved to Georgia. So I could speak Georgian."
(Note: Kyle does not, by any stretch of the imagination [other than his own imagination] speak "Haitian"/Creole/Haitian-French, but he knows that Creole was the only language he heard in the orphanage while he was a baby in Haiti.) One day, quite matter of factly~~ "Mommy, did you know I speak English and Haitian? My whole family understands me when I speak English. But only my brother understands me when I speak Haitian. Because my brother and me both speak Haitian because my brother and me both are Haitian. Did you know that Mommy? Me and Owen really do speak Haitian. So we speak Haitian when we don't want you to understand what we are saying. Because we are Haitian! And you aren't!"
We have close family friends whose daughter, Joy Lin, was adopted from China by white American parents. The boys have known her forever and they share the inter-racial-adoption bond. Joy Lin does not go to the same school as Kyle and Owen. At school, Kyle has a classmate who is Chinese (not adopted), and whose parents are both Chinese. He often overhears his classmate and her mom speaking Chinese together. He's trying to figure out any connection he can make between race and language. One day, after school~~ "Joy Lin and Alyssa are both from China. But Joy Lin was born in China. Alyssa was born in the United States of America. But Joy Lin doesn't speak Chinese, only English. Alyssa speaks Chinese and English. But they are both from China. And they definitely don't speak Spanish!"
Another day, again on the subject of Joy Lin and Alyssa~~ "Joy Lin and Alyssa are both from China. You can call that Chinese. But Joy Lin was adopted and Alyssa wasn't adopted. I like China people. I like adopted people and Belly Mom people." {this was the first I've ever heard 'Belly Mom people'... I thought it was such an interesting way that Kyle came up with to identify non-adopted people!}

Some from Owen:

One morning, making french toast, out of the blue~~ "Sugar is my favorite vegetable!!!"
One day right after the boys had been eating popcorn for a snack, Kyle announced that he had to go brush his teeth because he had some popcorn stuck in his teeth. Owen, too busy for teeth brushing, quickly replied~~ "Me too Kyle! Something's stuck on my teeth too! But I'm gonna leave it there!"
One day, in the car... we had reached our destination and were about to get out of the car. Meera had taken her shoe off, and I asked Owen to please put her shoe on for me. His reply, completely genuinely sincere~~ "Sorry Mom, I can't right now because I'm too busy sucking my thumb."
One day, talking about favorite colors (a recent favorite subject)~~ "Mommy, what is your favorite color? But remember, if you don't like brown you don't like us."
Another day~~ "I love Mommy, Papi, Kyle, Meera, myself, and Cooper. My whole family. But I do have one thing. Don't feel bad about this, okay Mama? I love my whole family but I love one person the most and that's my brother. I do love him a tiny bit the most. Is that okay Mama???"
One night, the three bambinos all together in the bath before bed~~ "Mommy, I wish I was white like you." me: "Oh, really? Why do you wish that?" O: "Because I want to all be the same. I wish we were all the same on our skin." H: "Oh, I can understand that. But I'm really glad you're not white." O: "Why?" H: "Because then you wouldn't be you! And I love you with your brown skin!" Long pause. O: "Wait. Actually, actually, I really wish you and Papi were brown like us. I wish you were brown and then we'd all be the same." H: "I can understand that you feel that way." Long pause (as I notice him concentrating on looking at Meera playing next to him in the tub). O: "Wait. Actually, here is what I really wish-- I wish you and Papi were brown so that you'd be the same as me and Kyle. But I don't want Meera to be brown because then she wouldn't be her! So, it would be you, me, Kyle, and Papi brown, and Meera white. Yeah, that's what I wish!"

And, lastly:

This isn't a quote exactly, but I wrote it down on a scrap of paper to remember it~~ Driving home from Washington, D.C. after Thanksgiving... we had to take a driving break so we stopped at a McDonalds that had an indoor playground so that the kids could burn some energy. A cute energetic little boy was the only other kid playing in the playground space. We soon found out he was 5 years old too, just like K & O. His mom was sitting there keeping an eye on him. Him and his mom were both black. K, O, and the boy were instant friends and within seconds they were playing together like they'd known each other their whole lives. Braydon and I stood there chatting with the other mom, and watching Meera, while the three boys played. After a while the mom went to go check on her teenage son (who was eating in the regular eating part), and Braydon took Meera to the bathroom for a diaper change. So I was alone supervising the three boys. The three of them were way high up, inside the plastic tunnel area above my head, looking down at me through a clear plastic window, waving at me like little maniacs, and I was enthusiastically waving back. Since they were so high up, and inside the plastic tunnel thing, they seemed to have the impression that I could not hear them. They were being silly with each other, saying things that only 5-year-old boys think are funny, and laughing hysterically. Suddenly the new-friend-boy became very quiet and serious. There was silence for a second or two, and then, I overhear him say, pointedly, to K & O: "So, where are your parents?" K & O: "Right there!" boy: "Where?" (they are still all three looking down at me, I'm the only other person in the entire play area, and K & O are pointing at me). K & O: "Right there! Down there! You're looking right at her!" boy: "No, I mean, where are your parents?" K & O (I don't remember which one said what): "Right there!" boy: "No, I mean, your real parents!?" K & O: "Right there! That's our mom!" boy (completely perplexed): "The white one?!" K & O: "Yes! The white one!" boy (completely stunned): "Oh." A second or two passed and then the three of them were off and running again.

Today

2009-12-13T21:25:00.000-05:00

Today was an amazing day for the J-Ms. In anticipation of an incredibly full and rich day planned for yesterday (with Winter Fair and the Haiti Christmas Party), we had purposefully planned for nothing for today. I knew we'd need a day of respite to recover and regroup, but staying put and laying low (and not being action-packed) is always a challenge for our family (being still is not one of our strong points). Lucky for us, Mother Nature was looking out for us today. We woke up to freezing rain and it proceeded to pour, leaving sheets of ice covering everything, all day long. The roads where too slick to drive anywhere. The icy rain was too raw to venture outside with a still-recovering-from-ear-infections-Meera. And, so, we were forced to stay home and just be. Even our cat Cooper didn't go out at all today. It was the best possible scenario for all five of us right now. In the midst of a crazy (crazy!) holiday season, this was a day of calm and peace that is hard to come by with three under six and two overly-energetic adults. The five of us never got out of our pajamas the entire day. We watched videos, made paper airplanes, listened to Christmas music, watched the birds at our bird feeder, and snacked (leftovers from the Haiti Party) all day long. We talked. We cuddled. A lot. This afternoon we made a fire in the fireplace and roasted marshmallows and drank hot chocolate. I took the time to make a beef stew and Braydon took the time to make bread-- all of which we ate for dinner. Amazingly, we had no blow-out tantrums from kids or screaming fits of frustration from parents. Amazingly, we just were at home, the five of us. It was like a tiny little one-day 'pause' on all the hectic-haze that is this Season... but with the added benefit of it actually being at the height of this Season. It was just what we all needed.

3rd Annual 'Haiti Christmas Party'

2009-12-13T20:50:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was our 3rd Annual Christmas Party for our group of Pennsylvania-area family friends who have adopted from Haiti (click here for last year). There is just nothing like our twice-yearly get togethers with our fellow Haitian-American family friends. This gathering has become a major part of our Christmas Season and it has become a tradition that is, for us, absolutely invaluable. This is truly a top highlight of the year for K & O. They had been anticipating this day since our summer reunion, and had been counting down the days for the past couple of weeks. They were in heaven, absolute heaven!, with this party in full swing yesterday. And when I say 'full swing,' I mean FULL SWING. When these kids all get together, these kids can party! The full house was rocking and rolling (almost literally) with spirits through the roof. 60 people (38 of which were kids) gathered; 80 hot dogs consumed; 75 Capri Suns drank; 2 lamps broken; countless mini candy canes devoured; dozens of ornaments created (thanks Miller family!!!); unknown quantities of rice & beans, mac & cheese, chips & dip, Christmas cookies, and all sorts of other goodies enjoyed (thanks everyone!). It is good. Really good. The fellowship we share is incredibly special. We are so grateful for this group of friends and the bonds that bind us.

Winter Fair

2009-12-13T20:43:00.000-05:00

Saturday was Winter Fair at the boys' school. This was our third year going (our third year at the school), and I swear, it gets better and better -- and more and more magical -- with each year we attend it. I can't even begin to try to describe it; the entire school is literally transformed into a magical fairy-tale-esque winter wonderland. It is a lot of work for the school community, with every family chipping in, but the end result is an incredible Christmas Season tradition that I know Kyle, Owen, and now Meera too, will cherish forever. It is really magnificent to be a part of something so special. I snapped the picture above as we were heading out to get home in time for all of our Haiti Party guests to arrive!

The Latest with The Three

2009-12-11T20:07:00.005-05:00

While Owen has been reading-ready and actually reading (almost entirely self-taught) for a long time now (like the entire past year+), Kyle has shown almost zero interest in learning to read. We haven't pushed it or had concern about it (we're in a Waldorf School for goodness sake!!!). But it has always sort of been a curiosity to me because Kyle has forever been obsessed with books (much more so than Owen). He'd sit forever having books read to him if he could-- and has been like that literally since the first day we met him and brought a couple of board books with us to Haiti (the first books he had ever seen-- and he fell in love with them instantly). But this week there has been a huge U-turn with Kyle. He earned his "video game" (see post below) and immediately some kind of switch was switched in him. He is suddenly obsessed with spelling, reading, and phonics. I mean, obsessed. Like 24x7 locked-in obsessed. Virtually every word he says he enunciates out loud and tries to spell it out phonetically. He is particularly obsessed with which words start with a 'c' versus which words start with a 'k.' Our child who had no interest whatsoever in learning to read is now Reading Ready (capital RR) and spelling stuff like a maniac. Who knew???! {photo above of Kyle's first day with his beloved Leapster}

Owen has mastered tying a bow this week!!! Again, something we had not pushed at all. But I had bought this great 'Learn to Tie' book thing a while back, and it had been just sort of hanging around the house, and then, suddenly, this week Owen became totally interested in it and working on it for long chunks of time each day. He's been working so hard on this and he finally has it down! He's so proud of himself! {photo above of Owen's first really solidly successful bow}

Meera woke up at 6:00 this morning and started saying "NO" almost immediately. Like, with perfect clarity and pronunciation. She had been communicating 'no' for a while, but now, as of today, she's fully 100% verbally saying it so that absolutely anyone who would hear it would know exactly what she's saying. Braydon got up with her this morning and heard it repeatedly. Kyle was up next and came running to tell me he heard her say "NO!" Soon enough I heard it myself. And we all proceeded to hear it -- over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over -- allllllll daaaaaaaaaaay loooooooooooooooong. "NO!" "no." "No!!!" I'll admit, she sounds very cute saying it... but I'll also admit that it got old awfully quick. And by the end of the day when she refused every single thing that was offered her for dinner ("No!" "No!" "No!" "No!") we were all to the point of laughing (as a conscientiously better option than crying). "No" is definitely Meera's new favorite word.

Leaping Into "Video Games"

2009-12-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

Kyle and Owen have been working very hard for the past five weeks to earn their first ever "video games" (these Leapster2 Kindergarten systems, to be precise). Every once in a while we do an 'earning chart' but we've never done something as big as this. They needed to accumulate 100 checks each to "earn it!" And we really wanted them to earn it before Christmas (i.e., not a Christmas present) so that they'd have them for the long road trips we're going to be setting out on in the coming days! They had 3 chances each day to get a check-- making their beds and tidying up their rooms in the morning (without complaint), feeding Cooper and setting the table for dinner each evening (without complaint), and doing "good bedtime behavior" at night. 100 checks is a lot when you're five years old. But, we wanted this to be big because it is a big deal for us to dive into the whole 'screen-time'/video/media world with our kids. At age 5.5 K & O have never had any exposure to this stuff. They have seen only two movies in the theater, ever. And they've never watched television with advertising (only PBS, with the exception of a handful of baseball and football games only in the past six months). The videos they have exposure to are very limited (the majority of their video collection is comprised of Curious George). We've held off for lots and lots of reasons, about which we feel very strongly. But we felt it was time now, and the boys really wanted these Leapster things, and the more we researched them, and talked to other parents about them, the more we thought that it was the right thing to do. Anyway, this week they both earned it! They couldn't be more thrilled with themselves. And seriously, they on fire with spelling and reading right now-- both of them-- and this is in large part thanks to those hard-earned Leapsters.

Same Couch... but now there are five instead of three

2009-12-09T21:34:00.001-05:00

I've posted before about our dear friends the Uhrigs. One of the things that make these friends so extra special to us is that we became fast friends in 2002 (when Braydon and I had recently relocated to New Jersey from Boston), and then -- by total sheer coincidence (or, as we ponder it, perhaps by no coincidence at all?) -- we both began adoptions at the exact same time (January 2004). Ben, Kyle and Owen are six months apart and came home within six months of each other in 2005. Just a couple of weeks ago we were on the edge of our seats as Stacey traveled to South Korea to bring home Ben's new baby brother, Tae. We are privileged to have made some close adoptive-family-friends along our journey, and I've just got to say that every child that comes home feels profound for us each and every time. It brings to the surface so many thoughts and emotions -- many of which are still raw, and all of which run deep. These pictures were taken on the Uhrigs' couch; the top one is from a few days ago, the bottom one is from New Year's Eve 2006 (the boys were all 2 year olds). Welcome home Tae!

Meera On The Mend

2009-12-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

24 hours later and the antibiotics have kicked in! After six days of missing our Meera Moo, she returns to her usual happy self! We are so grateful for good health care. And we are so hoping to get a good night sleep tonight!!!!!!

Double Ear Infection for Little Miss

2009-12-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

Poor baby. She's been a clingy, fussy, drooly, nose-runny, unhappy mess for the past five days and six nights. Won't eat. Won't sleep. Six nights of waking up crying every few hours-- inconsolable unless snuggled tight in the rocking chair by Mama for hours on end. Irritable, agitated, on-edge. Fever on-and-off. Just not herself. At all. Finally we brought her to our beloved Dr. Aleks first thing this morning... diagnosis: double ear infection... prescription: antibiotics and a strict regimen of motrin and tylenol. Within a few hours (and after a much needed 2.5 hour nap... finally! [after 3 days straight of not napping]) she was already on track to returning to her normal-cheery-Meera-self. We're on the road to recovery. "We" intentional. One sick brings us all down. For the J-M's it is all for one and one for all... and we all feel it when one is out of commission. Tonight it was rigatoni and meatballs, caesar salad, and garlic bread for dinner (a fav for all three bambinos, who each, including Meera, ate a ton)... and the day was ending feeling like maybe -- just maybe -- we're going to get back on track after a few days of derailment.

Random Snippets from Today

2009-12-04T20:42:00.001-05:00

TGIF. Just completed the last week of the fall semester. I have loved Fridays this semester. I've been home. Meera takes such a consistent nap each morning that I can safely count on 2-3 solid hours of work from my home office. Then she wakes up, and I'm done working for the day, and we go pick up the boys from school. It has been bliss and I've looked forward to -- and truly enjoyed -- every single Friday this fall. Including today (despite the fact that Meera is either sick or seriously teething; she ran a fever today and was fussy and clingy and refused to nap; i.e., totally not typical Meera).

I just love this picture. Neither of my boys ever did anything like this (nor do). This morning I was sitting on the floor of the playroom with my coffee sorting through catalogs (Christmas shopping) while Meera toodled around doing her thing. This, in and of itself, is a far cry from the reality that was life-with-K&O-when-they-were-M's-age. I never could have done anything like that (because, first of all, there were two of them and I had to keep my eyes peeled... and secondly, they were wild rambunctious toddlers who never simply toodled around ever). Anyway, I was looking through catalogs and Meera toodles over and sits down with me, picks up a catalog, starts looking through it, and then starts 'talking' to me (babble) as if we were having an in-depth discussion of the items on the pages. I could not possibly love my boys more than I do (nor more than I did when they were 18 months old), however, I do have to say... having a singleton with --the icing on the cake-- a persona like Meera's... is a breath of fresh air! (and sooooo much easier!!!!!!!!!)

When the boys got home from school the first thing they did was make a beeline for the leftover pumpkin pie. I swear it feels like these two never stop eating. They cut slices and then ate them right from their hands, as if they were like a little cookie or something. Owen ate 3 slices, and Kyle ate 2, before the pie was completely gone.

Later this afternoon I was working on a project with Kyle and Owen at the kitchen table. Meera was so fussy that Owen couldn't even concentrate on what he was doing (he cannot stand it when she fusses). He got up, picked her up onto his hip, and said to me, matter of factly, "I'm going to take care of her." I said, "Alright, good luck! She's super fussy today!!!" As he took off with her toward the playroom I could hear her giggling and then outright belly laughing. Kyle and I continued to work on the project for a good long while in peace. I can trust Owen with Meera in a way that seems totally abnormal for a 5-year-old. But after about 15 minutes of quiet I figured I should go see what Owen and Meera were up to. I found them upstairs in Owen's room, rocking in Owen's chair together. She was as happy and content as could be. Owen asked me for a snack for her and a bottle. I ran down to get it and brought along the camera too. I snapped this before handing over the requested items and leaving them on their own again for another 15 minutes or so. Owen was in rare (good) form today. Note: the permanent marker on the fabric of his rocking chair is from a couple of years ago when Owen was in rare (bad) form that day. ;)

D.C. On My Mind

2009-12-02T21:41:00.004-05:00

Since Braydon did the posting about our Thanksgiving/DC trip, I just wanted to chime in about a couple of things. Even though we're now suddenly fully in the throws of Christmas-Season-Stuff, Washington DC is still very much on the surface of life here in the J-M household. We are still talking about it all, all the time. This trip was so amazing. And it had a huge impression on Kyle and Owen especially. They were so totally, totally into all-that-is-DC. And I also wanted to be sure to note that it was our first big city trip with Meera. Of course, she loved the hustle and bustle that is the big city. I also wanted to be sure to put down that ever since Barack-O was elected, K & O have been asking to go see the White House. It was a very big deal to them. I knew they would love seeing the White House, but I was completely surprised about how into all the monuments and memorials they were. They are genuinely interested in all of this stuff-- which is way beyond me, because I know that at age 5 (or 15 or even 25 for that matter) I would definitely not have been even close to as into it as they were. Every time we travel with our bambinos we are blown away by their sincere love of travel. These three love it. Every aspect of it. Kyle and Owen, in particular, are incredibly good travelers -- never complaining once about the cold or the endless city walking or the changes-of-pace from our daily life. They appreciate the experience for what it is, and they absorb so much of it. It is noticeable, and notable, what happy travelers they are. It always makes me wonder what will become of it all.

Meera Grace 18 Months

2009-12-01T21:26:00.001-05:00

On Saturday our baby Meera turned 18 months old. I know that all parents say it, but when you're in it you really feel it (or, at least we do)-- where does the time go? How can it be that one year ago this tiny baby bundle was still nursing and now she sometimes pushes away bottles to have her milk, instead, in her "kitty cup" (her plastic sippy cup that has pink cats on it)?! Meera Grace continues to be an amazingly wondrous blessing in our life. She is, for better or for worse, quite often, the center of our universe. This baby girl (we refuse to call her anything other than 'baby,' regardless of her official 'toddler' status) is absolutely loved and adored by four people in this world who think she is the sweetest thing that ever lived. And she, in return, fills us up with love, covers us with drooly kisses, gives us mega-watt-smiles, and delights us almost non-stop. From Day One Meera has been an easy, mellow, 'Angel Baby.' She's so easy-going, and so good, that we're almost embarrassed to talk much about it. She's the kind of baby that is easy to brag about and hard to believe is for real (unless you witness her in person). She continues to be a true blue 'Angel Baby' with very few exceptions. Even as we enter full-fledged toddler-hood, and discover some new dimensions of our Little Miss (her ability to throw some pretty big-time tantrums, for example, or her new-found love of throwing food at the table), she still is almost all sweet and very little sour. She is the kind of baby that people hope for (and that we didn't even dare wish for). She is the kind of baby that you wouldn't believe possible (especially if you had previously had two highly spirited babies), unless you see it to believe it. She is the kind of baby that makes you (or at least us) wish she'd never turn a day older. She is perfect just as she is. And always has been. And we gaze at her with wonder with how we could have gotten so lucky?

Meera is talking up a storm! All day long, hundreds of times every day, she says, "What's that?!" Other things she says include: Breakfast time! Bath time! Supper time! Hi Kitty! Bye Bye! Get Down Cooper! All done bottle! Bad! Hi! Baby. Bunny. Brothers. Mama. Papi. --- and her favorite... "Balloon!!!" (which includes any/all types of balloons, and any/all water towers she sees as we drive on the highway). She makes animal sounds (quack, moo, woof, tweet tweet), and she identifies body parts (says, "eye" with perfect clarity and is starting to say the words hair, ear, mouth, nose). She says, "vroom!" and points to the sky when there is an airplane overhead. In sign language she says "please" and "thank you" and "more" and "all done." She shakes her head, wagging her pointer finger back and forth, and says, "NO!" when she doesn't want something. She also, very, very, often, says something that sounds like "Ania" which translates, very directly, in no uncertain terms, to "I WANT IT!" Meera also loves to sing. She has many songs in her repertoire. All of them are sung so that the tune is very clear and recognizable to anyone who hears it-- these include Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; Happy Birthday To You; This Land is Your Land. She also chants "Let's Go Lehigh!" and "Let's Go Red Sox, Red Sox Let's Go" complete with clapping and/or stomping at the right times.

Meera still sleeps like a champ. 6:30ish p.m. to 6:30ish a.m. very consistently. She still wakes once in the night demanding a bottle (we've been giving her 2 ounces of milk in the night for months now, but we've determined to end that at 18 months-- Project End-the-Night-Feedings is now officially underway). She takes a 2-3 hour nap (sometimes longer) each morning. She goes to sleep easily on her own. And she wakes up happy and chatty almost always. The exception to these sleeping patterns is during travel. Meera is a great traveler in terms of being happy to go with the flow doing anything/everything... however, she is a terrible sleeper when we're not at home. This throws a serious wrench into the J-M-family-traveling-adventures, but we do our best to make do. And given how little hassle this girl gives us, we figure it is the least we can do to put up with her travel-sleeping-problems.

Meera's current favorite foods-- Fruit of all kinds (especially kiwi, grapes, oranges, bananas, and any kind of berry); pasta of any kind (particularly tortellini) with any kind of sauce or with no sauce at all; Yo Baby yogurt smoothies; raw veggies (especially cucumbers, red peppers, celery); cheese (the sharper the better, and she loves parmesan); eggs-- over easy; fish (any kind, she loves it, prepared pretty much any way possible); anything salty (especially pretzels, popcorn, salted nuts, crackers, etc.).

Meera is a real girlie girl, who --continuing on with the tradition that her brothers have already established-- constantly makes us question everything we ever thought we knew about gender. She loves frill and fancy, despite our best efforts to raise her as gender-neutral as possible. She prefers dresses and pink, despite all the hand-me-downs from her brothers. She chooses stuffed animals over trucks every time. And she already shows more interest in crayons than both of her brothers combined ever have. She is a girl who still loves her necklaces with a passion. Anything that can be a necklace (or a bracelet) is one. And she's wearing at least one at all times. She loves shoes and boots and hats and scarves. Unlike her brothers (who, to this day have never once cared a bit about any item of clothing on their body and will wear anything I lay out for them), Meera has very strong ideas about what she wants to wear (and will wear) and what she doesn't want to wear (and won't wear). She lets these ideas be known right up-front each morning when we get her dressed. And she flat-out refuses to wear certain things. This is a whole new mysterious world for the J-Ms to navigate. She loves baby dolls. And she loves her "kitty" (a stuffed toy that she carries around everywhere --including, whenever she can manage to get away with it, in the bath). She plays quietly by herself for long stretches of time. She feeds her baby dolls and her kitty, she pushes them around in a toy stroller, and she spends much of her day doodling around finding things of interest to play with. She loves books. And most of all, she loves her brothers.

Meera has a special connection to Kyle and Owen. The three of them seem, at least to me, tighter than the average young sibling set. These three are lovey-dovey most of the day on most days. Lots of hugs and kisses and giggles and on-going-games. K & O continue to be the quintessential adoring big brothers. And Meera looks up at them with starry eyes. I know it sounds too good to be true. But believe me, for now, it is what it is. It is really a delight to witness each day.

Meera also has a special connection to Margie, who is her number 3 go-to adult (after Mommy and Papi, of course). Although lately she cries when I leave for work, she is still happy to hug and kiss Margie each morning when she arrives before I leave. Margie is the perfect nanny for Meera, and we are so grateful that we are able to give this childcare arrangement to our daughter. While Kyle and Owen genuinely enjoyed the stimulation of daycare when they were little, that kind of environment would not have been right for our gentle-spirited and quiet-natured and home-loving Meera. She goes on long walks in the stroller with Margie. She spends hours toddling around the yard with her. She plays quietly while Margie folds laundry. And she gets the amazing benefit of a bilingual (a lot of Spanish with Margie) immersion into language development. Most importantly, she has another secure grown-up in her life who loves her and adores her beyond belief. We could not be happier with Margie, and neither could Meera.

Big accomplishments of late and/or things of note, for Miss Meera Grace, include: finally, at age 17.5 months, learning to crawl!!!!! Refusal to sit in either her highchair or her 'hook on chair' at the table (and insistence on sitting in a 'real chair' -- luckily we have K & O's hand-me-down toddler chairs on hand). Pointing to numerous various objects in books when we name them for her (i.e., apple, tree, house, sky, etc., etc., etc.). Understanding pretty much all that is said to her or around her. Pushing and pulling objects of all varieties. Following simple commands ("put this in the trash," "put the toys back in the basket," "open the door," etc.). Feeding herself without any help using spoon and/or fork. Mimicking pretty much anything and everything that she sees Kyle and Owen do.

Meera Grace is 18 months old. We are grateful for each and every single day that she graces us with her gentle spirit and sweet soul. We love this baby girl like there is no tomorrow.

Thanksgiving 2009 - it's not just about thanks

2009-11-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

There are forces in life that work to create motion; moving us together, driving us apart or simply pushing on fixed objects, often without effect. These forces are by and large unseen, but always felt, consciously, unconsciously, painlessly or with great noise. When they are powerful, these forces are the center of our universe. Some of these forces are people we love.

I suspect our family is much like many American families where the women are the glue holding us together; the gravity creating the in the dip of the plane of space, with constellations circling around and coming together like quarters dropping into the center hole of the donation bucket at the grocery store. They are a constant practice of grace to one another despite our efforts to do otherwise. They make us whole and have meaning. No doubt the men are forces of reckoning, but they are not weaving the ties that bind, they just are not.

For the last 16 years, Heather has pulled our family together in one form or another around Thanksgiving. These objects that tend toward stasis, drawn in by the power of her gravity. Whether that has been with 50 grandparents, parents, cousins, relatives, friends and neighbors in our apartment, or generously combining me in her family's traditions, she has made a web of life that we have clung to, grown into and become stronger in the course of.

With one exception, when Owen was sick and throwing up a couple years ago and Heather's sister, niece and parents had to turn around and head back to NH, she has never missed a Thanksgiving with her family. To me, is very much the definition of a force of nature. And to me, is who she is.

This Thanksgiving, however, was different. My sister recently moved from Philadelphia to Washington DC for work. We felt we needed to go there and see her. My mother and father made it a full house and my side of the family came together for Thanksgiving, at least in my eyes, for the first time in years.

Sometimes when powerful forces are in close proximity there are unexpected consequences. Holidays are like that - catalysts, accelerators, colliders, or just tempests in teapots. Thankfully, we ate some turkey and sides (courtesy of Whole Foods with some doctoring a ala Sabrina McCormick, PhD), enjoyed a little wine, football, had a nice walk down the Mall (Meera had a no-nap-day-meltdown on the way back), and all learned a little bit more about what we're Thankful for in 2009.

Thanksgiving 2009 - learning and loving

2009-11-29T22:05:00.001-05:00

This year for Thanksgiving, we took in a lot more than Turkey, although we had some fun with that too. In our trip to DC, we got to have a few laughs, see some amazing stuff, learn a bunch and spend some time together.

It never ceases to amaze us how into travel Kyle and Owen really are. And now Meera too. But this, to us, is really nutty. These two 5 year olds are totally into travel. Like - we have this book, and both boys now not only know the Lincoln, Washington and Jefferson memorials, but also where my sister lives, how fast the fastest jet goes (Air and Space - 4,500 miles per hour), how to interact with cab drivers, how to be polite at a family dinner, and how to drive 6 hours on the way home without fussing. They really wanted to go into the Washington Monument (great disappointment when we didn't get tickets in time),

And a priceless moment, when these two little black boys, pass over the Lincoln memorial steps where MLK Jr. gave his speech, looked up at he enormous statue and right in front of the "please be quiet and respectful" sign, exclaimed in a loud voice "There he is!!!" in full K&O enthusiasm. Priceless.

More importantly, we had some wonderful experiences while in DC:

From thanksgiving Day:

Kyle & Grandpa Robert watching some good-old-fashioned football on the TV. Dad narrating and explaining every detail to Kyle who loved it.
Joking over the readiness of the turkey or over readiness as the case may or may not have been
Owen and G'mma doing puzzles and mazes
A beautiful walk down to the Capitol building and a look over the pool there out onto the Mall. Granted, Meera had no nap and had her second total melt-down of her life, forcing us to grab a cab back to our hotel, but nice none-the-less

From the day after:

Anthony: the homeless man in the square by our hotel. K&O gave him money for breakfast, introduced them selves, found out his name and wished him Happy Thanksgiving. We looked for him (and saw him there) each time we passed by.

An early morning visit to see the White House. Kyle and Owen asking the guard (who we called the Secrect Service - and who really knows anyway) if "BarakO" is in there right now?!?!? Yes he was, and we guessed having breakfast.

A great day at the Air & Space museum. Seeing TONs of airplanes - does it get better than that for K&O? Meera finally got her nap that morning.

Lunch at Cosi downtown DC. I don't really get how they could have run out of Tuna salad for Kyle, and Tomato soup, but we all enjoyed it.
A freezing cold (sorry mom!) ride on the outdoor carousel on the Mall. Yes, they were by far they loudest, and most definitely having the most fun of all the people riding that day. Pretty awesome.

Walking down the Mall with my family and the boys and Meera enjoying it.

From Saturday and in general:

The Lincoln memorial. The walk up to it, the freezing wind, the steps up. The spot MLK gave I Have a Dream, the statue with those hands. The speeches on the walls. The meaning, the power. K, O & M there together and what that means, there, in that spot. It was my first time there, and it's still sitting with me. L'Union Fait La Force.

The Washington Monument. Although we could not go up, the power is striking.

The Vietnam Memorial. By itself an enormously powerful statement to the depth of pain that was Vietnam and the honor of those we lost. It also raises many questions for our boys around war, what is war, who, how, when where what and why of dying in war. Tough, but meaningful topics for our young men.

Afghan wraps for H&B, yum, yum, yum!
Hotel pool for the boys - now - if there is there a pool to be found - that is a highlight for sure!
Being in such a diverse environment. There were tons of black and white people from all socio-economic backgrounds - and that by itself is a treat - as it should be for all Americans.

We left Saturday around noon. After enjoying our stay at the Embassy Suites (great place to stay for work and really for family), we said goodbye. It was a 4.5 hour drive down that took almost 7 back. Oh well, alls well that ends well.

Our family reconnected this morning. All three children thrilled to be home.

We're all Thankful to go and come back.

View all photos here.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-26T06:01:00.003-05:00

Our list of things for which we're thankful is long.

These three are at the top.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Photos of the Day

2009-11-25T22:54:00.000-05:00

Our Big O

2009-11-25T10:51:00.006-05:00

Owen is very rambunctious and struggles daily to not get in trouble at school and at home. He wants to please, he wants to "do good," he wants everyone to love him. But it isn't easy for him. He is a very spirited little dude with a huge personality that fills up a room (and can quickly drive a parent/teacher/nanny crazy with his constant activity, boundless energy, and consistent-never-ceasing-testing-of-the-boundaries). For the most part we try to work with it, not against it. (Easier said than done.) And luckily for us we have found a school that -- at least so far -- has that same philosophy. Owen has lots of good days and also lots of bad days at school. He almost never does stuff that is really bad, it is more that he is just always pushing the limits and feeling out the bounds. Last night, while getting ready for bed, Owen told me that his day at school yesterday (Tuesday) was his "best day ever" and he was very proud of himself that he was "good behavior all day" and "not even a little bit of acting up" and that he was "so good all the way to outer space" etc etc etc. He was beaming with pride as he went on and on and on. He actually asked me if I'd please call his teacher on the phone to ask how he did (this was a new request from him)... he wanted me to hear it directly from her... I told him that we didn't need to call Miss Joyce to know that he did a good job, that I entirely believed him, and that I was just very happy that he felt so good about his day and that he was so proud of himself, that he felt so good inside, etc. He was very, very pleased with himself. He went to bed feeling on top of the world. After he was asleep I did end up asking his teacher about his day (I was just so curious). And she confirmed that he had a brilliant day.

A few hours into the night Braydon and I woke up to Owen crying loudly and mournfully in his bed. He was having a terrible nightmare-- a bad dream in which Braydon "burned him and put him into a fire" and Owen was "dying" and "Papi wouldn't say goodbye to me even though he knew I was dying and going to Heaven forever." Braydon carried him into our room and Owen was still crying deeply as he crawled into our bed in the middle of the night. He wrapped himself around Braydon and slept in his arms until morning.

It was a reminder, yet again, of the tender spots in our rough-and-tumble boy. Not that we ever forget, not even for a minute, but there it was again.... the loss/abandonment/fear issues rising to the surface --not coincidentally, after a day of feeling very good about himself and going to bed feeling very secure in who he is and where he stands.

M

2009-11-24T20:19:00.000-05:00

10 Day Postcast

2009-11-23T21:42:00.001-05:00

I don't think "postcast" is actually a word, but it seems to fit here. You know, a brief post about the past 10 days. Not a forecast, but rather, a postcast. ? I don't know. What I do know is that a lot goes on in 10 days around here. Here's a tiny smidgen of a few highlights:

Yesterday marked the end of 4 weeks of me being sick. 4 weeks of being sick is a long, long time for this Mama. Especially at the worst possible time (end of the semester). It took a toll on the whole of us 5. I kept wondering, 'is it best that it is me that is sick, or is this the worst case scenario?' I never really determined the answer to that question. I went back and forth on it daily. It started as a 3 day flu (probably swine flu?) with fever, body aches, the whole 9 yards. But instead of taking it seriously I popped Advil every 4 hours while going to work, coming home for the second shift (a.k.a. running the household), etc. I should have taken it seriously. That is the lesson I learned. The fever broke and it turned into a bad cold thing, and then it turned into bronchitis, and then walking pneumonia verging-on-full-blown-pneumonia. Finally my doctor threatened that if I didn't get serious about getting better she was going to hospitalize me in 48 hours. I got serious and took 2 days off from work. That was 2 weeks ago. I'm really pretty much better now (probably at about 85% full capacity). But it was a long stretch of sick and it was tough on the J-Ms. The nice thing, though, is that up until 4 weeks ago I hadn't been sick enough to see a doctor since 2003!!! So, I'm thinking that now I have another 6 years of healthy before getting sick like that again. I'm not complaining.
Photo above taken at this year's Lantern Walk at the boys' school. A magical, wonderful Waldorf tradition that we've come to savor.
Photo below taken in the front yard before Kavya's Birthday Party. It was a costume party and K & O were doctors. That was a very, very fun party and a very, very great day.

Little Miss has taken to a love of lawn-mowing. Just like her brothers that one. Scary, scary stuff. Her primary efforts these days are dedicated to mimicking everything she sees them do. I will repeat: scary, scary stuff.

The boys had an awesome after-school dual-playdate. They each chose their best friend from their respective kindergarten classes. I find it noteworthy and fascinating that both of them --when push comes to shove-- choose girls. I also find it noteworthy and fascinating that, at least this time around, they chose the two girls that --if I could choose-- I'd choose for them (the thing that is so fascinating is that I didn't choose). Owen's best friend right now is a wonderful curly-red-head Patagonia-wearing beauty that I've adored since I first laid eyes on her. And Kyle's best friend right now is a tiny spunky whippersnapper of a girl who loves wearing princess dresses with her hot-pink cowboy boots and I've always thought that she is an absolute riot. These two sets of friends had an after-school playdate today that was just stupendous. I was so glad to have been able to take the afternoon off to be able to chaperon it. K & O are not always angels (not at all), but today they were. And I couldn't have been more proud watching them play so nicely with their friends. I'm seriously contemplating only ever allowing girl-only playdates from now on. Sooooooooo much nicer than boy playdates!!!!!!!!!!!

How on earth did this happen? We found ourselves watching football on t.v. on Sunday afternoon. These boys have had a profound impact on our life. Pre-K&O we would never have imagined that we'd have a football game on in our house. And yet... here we are. Very, very, very strange. Very strange. Kyle is obsessed with football right now. Obsessed.

The threesome plays the piano every day. Every single day, at least once (often more), we find this. They are just sounding stuff out and playing around with the piano. I think it is kind of a bonding thing for the three of them. They do it a lot. Owen is amazing at sounding out music. Lately he's figuring out Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

Filth. Never ending filth. My husband is the Laundry Master. I don't know how he does it but he gets the stains out. Seriously, we are like a living breathing Tide commercial.

Top Ten: Readers' Favorite Posts from Our 3rd Year of Blogging

2009-11-22T21:35:00.008-05:00

Starvation and Deep Destitute Poverty (and Haiti Week)
Meera’s Necklaces (and new shoes)
A Woman’s Work: Dear Meera, Guide to Mothers with Careers, Mommy Back to Work, and Notes on the Balancing Act
On Trips, Travels, and Needing Breaks -- Mexico; Chesapeake Bay; Singer Island, Florida; Adoption Day in NYC; Annual Haiti Reunion; NH Summer 2009; Christmas in NH; K & O's First Trip Alone -- to MorMor & MorFar's House; Easter at Bement Camp; Skydiving in the Poconos
Food Week: Especially The Stuff of Life & Kyle and Owen's School Lunches
On Raising Black Boys: Especially Cute Little Black Boys Do Grow Up To Be Black Men; White Christmas for Black Boys
K & O's Quotes and Conversations: Especially Gender, Overheard Today, and Choice Quotes
On Adoption: Especially Thinking About Adoption, What If?, and In Union There is Power
Barack-O's Election and Inauguration: BARACK-O Elected!; Baracko's Inauguration; Celebration Inauguration
Boys Look Up to Men (and Real Men Clean, Mow, Swim, and Make (perfect!) Coffee)

(to see all of the Honorable Mentions, read the 'comments' on this post)
*
And tomorrow... we will embark on our 4th year of blogging!
Thanks for reading y'all!

2009-11-18T11:13:00.004-05:00

Dear Readers,

Please chime in! (below) Pretty please,
with sugar on top?!

3rd Blogiversary of the J-M Blog!

2009-11-12T20:45:00.007-05:00

We've been keeping this blog for three years now! Crazy. But true.

So, as has become tradition...

please dear readers, dig way back into the archives of this past year and tell us...

What was your favorite post from this old blog this past year?

Anything from Oct 2008 - Nov 2009 is fair game.

We'll take what you say and then, about a week from now, we'll post the Top 10 List from our Third Year of Blogging. (I've even turned anonymous commenting back on so that everyone can "vote").

Our 1st Blogiversary, 2007 - click here and here.

Our 2nd Blogiversary, 2008 - click here and here.

Blogging: Three Years On

2009-11-12T20:44:00.003-05:00

When we started this blog, in October of 2006, K & O were tiny two-year olds and Meera was not even on the radar; I did not have tenure and Braydon was still working at his big-time corporate job; we were beginning our blogging without having any idea what would come of it. We've posted a lot of blog posts since then. What a long strange trip this blog thing has been. In the beginning I could never have anticipated that hundreds of people would come to find our little on-going story interesting enough to read it everyday. More than anything, over the past three years I've been humbled at the concept that people want to read "us." Sometimes we get comments or emails that just stun me in their sweetness and graciousness. And I've been so gratified in knowing that our little blogging habit has turned out to be of value to some people out there in the blogosphere. But the blogosphere has also stunned us in its cruelty too. Cruelty of any kind never ceases to perplex me. Over the course of the past three years of blogging, people have said (well, written) some terrible, nasty, hateful, hurtful things to us in comments and emails. We've tried not to let it get us down. There are, after all, about 100 "nice" comments for every "not nice" one. But still, if truth be told, the words and sentiments and general-spirit-of-hurtfulness succeed in what they set out to do: they hurt us. And sometimes the blog has been used against us in ways we never could have anticipated, even by people 'close' to us in real life. And as time goes on we continue to question the issues of privacy and vulnerability and transparency that our blog raises for us and our kids. But, despite our questioning of it, and despite many deep conversations pondering the stopping of it, we keep on doing it. We keep on blogging it. Why? Well, mostly, to be honest, at this point, for ourselves and our kids. We have come to see this blog as -- among many other things -- a way to preserve these moments in our life. It is a record of where we've been along this journey. And we feel compelled to make that record. Having it out there for others to see is a blessing and a curse. A curse in the sense that we have to deal with all the nuanced ramifications of our blog's public face. A blessing because it keeps us honest, it keeps us going (if nobody was counting on reading it there would surely be many a night/week/month that we'd just not do it), and it keeps us reminded of some of the important things in which we believe in this world. I'm so glad that other adoptive families (or those considering adoption), who so often feel isolated, can find us here; I'm so glad that female PhD students, who are struggling to make their own way in the academic world, can find us here; I'm so glad that our friends and family can see pictures of our gorgeous growing kids here. Etcetera. For the time being, the positives still outweigh the negatives for us, so we keep at it. At least for now, we keep on blogging. With real gratitude, from us to you, thank you to all of you out there who read us.

5 Book-CD-Sets We Love

2009-11-10T20:56:00.002-05:00

Skippyjon Jones Lost in Spice, by Judy Schachner, author & illustrator

Kyle and Owen have got to be two of the most wild-crazy-rambunctious-off-the-wall boys you'll ever meet. Seriously... they are a match for Skippyjon himself! We've had the original Skippyjon Jones book for awhile now, and K & O love it (so does Margie, because she loves the bi-lingual nature of the text and the fun plays-on-words). But just last week, from the "Candy Witch," K & O received Skippyjon Jones Lost in Spice. The CD that was included quickly became one of their most beloved possessions. Tonight, before bed, less than one week after this book hit our house, Kyle and Owen -- in unison -- "read" me (i.e., they aren't actually reading it, they have it memorized) the ENTIRE BOOK. All 30 pages, every word of every page! I was literally in utter shock to witness this! If you know this book, you know how unbelievable this is. This book is definitely their #1 fav right now.

What I Be, by Michael Franti, illustrations by Ben Hodson

All five of us love Michael Franti, and all five of us love this book-CD-set!

The Composer Is Dead, Written by Lemony Snicket,

Music by Nathaniel Stookey, Illustrations by Carson Ellis

Never forget: Kyle, Owen, and Meera's Papi has a doctorate in music composition. This book is a little over the bambinos' heads right now, but looking at the book and listening to the CD with Papi makes it totally lovable. Any classical music lover (and children thereof!) will deeply appreciate this book. If you read it you'll understand why.

Hip Hop Speaks to Children: A Celebration of Poetry with a Beat, edited by Nikki Giovanni

What can I say? This is just awesome. I wish every household could have a copy.

Sergei Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf, Illustrated by Peter Malone

A classic. This version has incredible illustrations. I remember Braydon and I talking, long before we ever had children of our own, about wanting to make sure our kids would know well this "musical fairy tale in which each character is played by a different instrument of the orchestra"... and now they do! K & O have been listening to this/reading this for years already. And now Meera is just as mesmerized by it as her brothers are.

Note, for the record: I have absolutely no affiliation whatsoever with any of the producers of any of these books. Nobody is giving me anything to write this.

Kyle & Meera Play the Piano

2009-11-09T20:48:00.000-05:00

These two have a really sweet, quiet way about them together. It is precious and loving and the epitome of a sort of best-case-"big brother and little sister"-scenario. Kyle is extraordinarily protective of Meera and is always incredibly concerned about her well-being. He looks out for her to the 9th degree. And Meera, well, Meera just absolutely adores Kyle beyond beyond. She and he give quiet kisses to each other multiple times each day-- not for show or because they think we'll think it is "cute," but rather, it seems, just because. It is a blessing for us to watch them together in their sweet, quiet way.