Gripe

I try to not get too edgy or uptight about adoption talk and adoption lingo and adoption issues. I understand it is a sensitive subject for a lot of people, and I understand that the whole subject often gets people bent out of shape. So I've tried to develop a really thick skin and generally I try to just let stuff roll off of me. I usually succeed. But today I got an email from Adoptive Families magazine and I just can't keep my mouth shut about it. We have been subscribers to Adoptive Families (click here) since we first decided to adopt in January 2004, and we'll remain subscribers. But this email today really, really bugs me because it is reinforcing a stereotype that is so incredibly prevalent.

The email was a special supplement for subscribers -- a "Guide" called "Talking to Your Three-to-Five Year Old About Adoption." I was totally interested in what it would say; right now this is becoming a big topic with Kyle and Owen and I am anxious to learn as much as possible about how to do this (i.e., how to talk with them about adoption). Of course, we've been talking about adoption in our house almost daily since Day One. But, still, I'm always anxious to learn more.

The "Guide" is three pages long. It has a two paragraph introduction, then it lists questions your young child might ask with the answers that the experts at Adoptive Families magazine recommend you give. O.k. Sounds great! So, I eagerly start reading.

The very first #1 question, right at the top of the page: "Why wasn't I born in your tummy?" Answer: "Your dad and I couldn't make a baby but we wanted a baby to love and take care of very much. You were born from your birthmother's tummy, and then Daddy and I adopted you. I wish you'd been born in my tummy too."

Then, the "Guide" emphasizes, in talking with our young children about their own adoptions, we should "Say It Simply"... Specifically, the experts say, we should say this: "Sometimes a woman can't grow a baby, so she adopts a baby."

????? O.k., I get it that many couples adopt because of infertility... but *definitely* not ALL of us?! Get a clue Adoptive Families magazine, get a clue.