We had an awesome day today. And I rediscovered something about my Ky Ky today - he is a good boy - and a very sensitive boy. You wouldn't think it from the outside: rough and tumble, swimming, playing, scooters, golf - laugh out loud - crazy - trumpet & drum boy - head shaking fun - flop all over knocking himself on the table - emergency room - boy. But he most definitely is.
I believe we all work hard to be good - everyone on Earth. And when we leave Earth, we want to be remembered as good. It's true some are misguided - and some don't have enough strength to be good, or the strength to turn it over to someone who can help - but we all want to be good. The world is a big place with many people who want to be good. We all look to someone to show us the way.
After a lot of playing this morning and generally having a fun time at home, we went to the grocery store for the weekly food shopping. Most of the time we do not go as a family since it's mostly mayhem when we do. But this time we did - thinking it might go more quickly if we split up the boys between us and split the grocery list. It did go quicker, but the check out line was a disaster (of course). In the course of shopping, K&O wound up each eating 3 cookies. 'nuff said.
When we got home we did our normal ritual - Heather goes inside to field inbound groceries, I stand at the back of the car distributing while K&O run in the loads. The boys are easily distracted of course and I constantly call out "Kyle - Owen, come on - come get more!" And they (mostly) dutifuly run out to get more.
As they have gotten older, I give them more "delicate" things (read: eggs and glass jars) - with the stern warning - "do NOT drop this - it will break and that would be very sad". They do well - so far nothing broken that I can think of.
Over the course of bringing the groceries in today (this take about 20 minutes), both K&O were tripping on the stairs quite a bit and I was beginning to get frustrated. I handed K a cantaloupe and admonished him to be careful and not drop it. He very carefully and proudly at his careful way headed in. And tripped on the stairs. The melon dropped and rolled into the kitchen from the garage. I exclaimed (I should have been more gentle): "Kyle - I just told you to be careful."
That was enough for my baby boy. He burst into tears. Real tears. Heartfelt torn tears. He went upstairs to find Honey Bunny. Heather went up and found him on our bed (where he had left it - but Heather had moved it) sitting there forlornly, sucking his thumb with tears streaming down his face. And he couldn't find Honey Bunny.
When I came up stairs, I found Heather rocking K in his rocker in his room. His tears were drying and I told him I wasn't mad, I knew it was an accident - it's ok. To which he said very quietly:
"I'm not strong enough."
There are so many kinds of strength not the least of which is just that. And he's only three.
I believe that Kyle is a born leader. That does not mean that people will necessarily follow him, that remains to be seen how he develops. But he will carry his flag - of his own design - out in front of anyone at any time. His flag will be emblazoned with images of his life, thoughts, opinions, formations, notions and emotions. His flag will dip and rise, but in the end he will carry it without reservation. He does it now.
And if he is able to be not strong enough, he will be stronger than I am; and I hope that for him. If there is anything that tells me that while he might not know it right now - it's this image from playing at the castle later in the day - when he had just come out of a 30 foot blackened tube slide that curve around and around.