The four of us were out to lunch on Sunday. Sitting at the table in the restaurant we were talking about Baby Sister... (Note: right now, with K & O's understanding of babies growing in women's bellies and the concept of their birthmother just beginning to take shape, we've found through past experiences that it is simply too much information for them to grasp when we try to bring in the additional variable of their birthfather. So, we're focusing now on the birthmother and women's roles in reproduction--- and yes, obviously, this means that we're leaving out concepts related to bi-racial and multi-racial identity, etc... just for now. K & O play with kids at school who are bi-racial, and we have bi-racial family friends-- so our simplistic focus on birthmothers won't be a long phase... but for the time-being we've decided it is the best strategy for K & O.)
Kyle: My baby sister is going to look just like me. She will look just like me and Owen.
Heather: What do you mean?
K: She will have brown skin like us.
H: You think so?
K: Yes.
H: You know what Kyle? I want to tell you about something. Something important.
K: [Nodding; alert, attentive, and very curious]
H: Your baby sister is not going to have brown skin like you. Do you want to know why?
K: Why?
H: Because all people -- every every person -- has skin the same as the woman whose belly they grew in.
K: [Wide eyed and shocked]
H: That's right! That's what I want to tell you. Every baby that is born has the color skin of the woman who she is born from.
K: Oh!?
H: Yes, that's right. So, your baby sister will have skin like mine. Because she is growing in my belly.
K: Oh!
H: And that's why you and Owen have brown skin-- because you grew in your birthmother's belly-- and she had brown skin just like you.
K: Oh!
H: Your birthmother was very beautiful. She had beautiful brown skin. And that's how you and Owen got your beautiful brown skin.
K: Oh!
H: Do you understand?
K: That's right! My birthmother had brown skin just like me!
H: Yes!
K: And that's right!!! My baby sister will have skin just like you!
H: Yes! That's right!
K: YES! THAT'S RIGHT!!!
~~~
I pick the boys up from school on Wednesdays, but yesterday afternoon I needed to attend a meeting that I could not get out of. I arranged to bring the boys to Lehigh to hang out on campus with some black Lehigh students. One of my favorite students, Jessica, knows Kyle and Owen well. She was going to be the primary person responsible for them for a couple of hours while I was at the meeting. K, O, and I were driving in the car to meet Jessica on campus...
Kyle: I can't wait to see Jessica. I can't wait. She has brown skin just like me. And black hair.
Heather: I know! And she can't wait to see you either! This is going to be so exciting!
K: Yes! And fun!
H: Yes!
K: Who has brown skin like me?
H: What do you mean?
K: Who? Who has brown skin like me?
H: Jessica does.
K: Yes, but who else? Who else has brown skin like me?
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Very many.
K: Some or many?
H: Many.
K: Who looks like you Mommy?
H: You mean like my skin?
K: Yes.
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Many people. Many people have skin like me, and many people have skin like you.
K: Yes, that's right! Many people have brown skin like me, and many people have skin like you.
Kyle: My baby sister is going to look just like me. She will look just like me and Owen.
Heather: What do you mean?
K: She will have brown skin like us.
H: You think so?
K: Yes.
H: You know what Kyle? I want to tell you about something. Something important.
K: [Nodding; alert, attentive, and very curious]
H: Your baby sister is not going to have brown skin like you. Do you want to know why?
K: Why?
H: Because all people -- every every person -- has skin the same as the woman whose belly they grew in.
K: [Wide eyed and shocked]
H: That's right! That's what I want to tell you. Every baby that is born has the color skin of the woman who she is born from.
K: Oh!?
H: Yes, that's right. So, your baby sister will have skin like mine. Because she is growing in my belly.
K: Oh!
H: And that's why you and Owen have brown skin-- because you grew in your birthmother's belly-- and she had brown skin just like you.
K: Oh!
H: Your birthmother was very beautiful. She had beautiful brown skin. And that's how you and Owen got your beautiful brown skin.
K: Oh!
H: Do you understand?
K: That's right! My birthmother had brown skin just like me!
H: Yes!
K: And that's right!!! My baby sister will have skin just like you!
H: Yes! That's right!
K: YES! THAT'S RIGHT!!!
~~~
I pick the boys up from school on Wednesdays, but yesterday afternoon I needed to attend a meeting that I could not get out of. I arranged to bring the boys to Lehigh to hang out on campus with some black Lehigh students. One of my favorite students, Jessica, knows Kyle and Owen well. She was going to be the primary person responsible for them for a couple of hours while I was at the meeting. K, O, and I were driving in the car to meet Jessica on campus...
Kyle: I can't wait to see Jessica. I can't wait. She has brown skin just like me. And black hair.
Heather: I know! And she can't wait to see you either! This is going to be so exciting!
K: Yes! And fun!
H: Yes!
K: Who has brown skin like me?
H: What do you mean?
K: Who? Who has brown skin like me?
H: Jessica does.
K: Yes, but who else? Who else has brown skin like me?
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Very many.
K: Some or many?
H: Many.
K: Who looks like you Mommy?
H: You mean like my skin?
K: Yes.
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Many people. Many people have skin like me, and many people have skin like you.
K: Yes, that's right! Many people have brown skin like me, and many people have skin like you.
5 comments:
Don't forget about biracial and multiracial kids--it sounds like there are some at your kids' school. We explain skin color as coming from both your birthparents (and their ancestors). Our biracial daughter's skin-tone is medium brown--not at all like her very fair (White) birthmother. And multiracial people often have skin color that doesn't 'match' either of their birthparents. With 4 multiracial kids in our family (with all different skin tones, hair colors, hair textures, and eye colors) this topic gets a lot of play. If you don't have it already, your boys might enjoy the book, "Children Just Like Me."
Natasha, thanks for your comment. We never forget about biracial and multiracial kids. We're just focusing on the birthmothers right now with K & O because it is where *they* are at, and it helps make things much more concrete for them-- given that they are just 3 years old and given where *they* are with their own development of these concepts. Thanks too for the book rec!
Heather
When my youngest sister was born, my other sister and I were 5 and 6. We weren't quite grasping how race happens, but had a black family friend we called "Grampa Bob". I remember having very serious conversations with my mom and whether our new little sister would be a "brown baby or a peach baby". We SO couldn't get how my mom already knew the answer...
Oh I love this conversation.
I love it's simplicity and its innnocence.
I love how children see things that way.
Simply. Matter of Factly. Innocently.
I found your blog some time ago and like to pop in now and then to see what you all are up to.
I had a very similar conversation with my oldest son when I was pregnant for the first time.
we came home from the sonogram (having forgotten to even tell him what a sonogram was)and asked Thomas "do you want to guess what the baby is?"
His answer "Um, white?" "Because you are the color of the belly you come out of!"
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