Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Top Ten: Things We Deliberately Don't Blog About

Top Ten Things We Deliberately Don't Blog About:

  1. Intimate, very personal, or potentially truly embarrassing things. There are lots of reasons why we keep our blog on the surface of real life. We don't share stuff that feels too intensely close-to-the-heart or stuff that seems inappropriate to share. There's a lot we hold back for just us. We're always aware that our kids might read this blog someday and we want to uphold some decent boundaries of privacy. If you think we go deep here on the J-M blog, well then just imagine how deep it all really is! (this blog barely scrapes the surface)
  2. Private information about K & O's adoptions & early lives. There is a lot we don't share. Basically our rule of thumb is: if we haven't told them yet, we don't tell anyone else. We share, and will continue to share, information with K & O as they become old enough to handle it. And then we take our cues from them-- if they seem to want it to be private, it is private; if they're comfortable to share it, we selectively share it. We work hard to not create a sense of 'secrecy' around this stuff (and we try hard to not imply or equate secrecy with shame), while still keeping it a respectful secret. There is lots they don't know yet. Time will tell how they feel as the years unfold. Thus, time will tell how much becomes public and how much remains private.
  3. H & B's Relationship. We feel pretty strongly that we have built quite a great intense relationship. We also feel very strongly that our relationship is always in progress. There is lots we could share about the in's and out's of it, including (for example) basic logistics about ways we've figured out to make our heterosexual relationship as egalitarian as possible. I often think about how much this stuff might be especially helpful to lots of the 20-somethings-in-grad-school who are out there reading this blog (sidenote: turns out there are lots of readers who would fall under that category), but we feel like it is just too intimate for this blog. In all aspects -- big explosive blow out fights, and our big ongoing love affair, and all the tiny mundane parts of it that fall in between -- it just feels too intimate and 'unbloggy.' We believe in the motto, "Sweat the small stuff" (i.e., we fight hard and hash things out all the time, on a daily basis), and we believe in living each day to the fullest (and stopping to smell the roses each and every day)... all as part of our daily commitment to continually strengthening our relationship. But we don't explicitly blog about any of it. See #1 above.
  4. Problematic Relationships or Relationship 'Issues.' Yes, we're just like everyone else, there are people on this earth with whom we have had, and do have, rocky relationships. We don't blog about it. For multiple reasons we just gloss over that, but one of the biggest reasons is that some of them read the blog and we obviously don't want to be purposefully hurtful.
  5. Mommy Wars. We try to stay out of that fray and avoid the entire subject altogether. Because the drama is just so infuriating and stress-producing. Every once in a while we slip up, like last week (ugh and ugh), but we generally try hard to not engage in it.
  6. Braydon's company. Because, well, we don't want to appear to be unabashedly plugging it.
  7. Heather's book. Because, well, we don't want to appear to be unabashedly plugging it.
  8. Work. Neither of us write about our work at all. There is always a ton going on, and it would often be truly great blog material, but we keep work entirely "off limits" because we're always aware that anyone could read this blog at any time (and from time to time we randomly find out that someone from work is reading our blog... which is a reality check!).
  9. Lots of details about what we've done. We just have too much to say to get bogged down in keeping a record of everything we do. There are lots and lots of outings, get-togethers, playdates, parties, errands, events, etc. that just don't make the cut to get onto the blog. And there's lots about our day-to-day life that just never gets airtime here. It basically just comes down to the fact that we don't want to (and can't) spend all day blogging!
  10. Lots of details about what we're going to do. As a general rule we don't post about future plans. We're always aware that somebody reading could -- for example -- figure out that we're away on vacation, figure out where we live, and come rob us. We try to not be paranoid about this kind of thing, but it is always in our minds. So we keep the blog focused on the past/present tense and avoid exposing future plans.


Emily Doss said...

I love the last one- I am married to a musician who is on the road a lot. I don't ever want to divulge that he's gone or been gone until he is back home for fear that someone will try to break in knowing he's not home.

Thanks for all you do blog about- we have started that adoption process and are always looking for info about real life adoptions.

Anonymous said...

Sounds pretty reasonable.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing this post. It makes me feel half-way normal now ;-) I was wondering if it was only me who wasn't living in utopia.

R said...

I completely understand #3, but that doesn't mean I don't long to know more. I'm 26, a wife, and a law student. Sometimes I wonder if my husband and I can ever make the kids thing work or even just the two careers thing work.