Saturday, January 27, 2007

From Our Adoption Journal: Two Years Ago Today

I remember writing this two years ago. I was in my pajamas, sitting on the beige couch underneath the sky-light-windows in our living room. I remember that I woke up and didn't even want coffee. I remember that when I was writing in the journal I was so knotted up with anxiety that I was chilled to the bone and my hand was shaking as I tried to hold the pen steady to write on the page. I remember that after I finished writing I was reading a book about Haiti (a book that I had read cover-to-cover several times already). I remember that Braydon came downstairs, and we curled up together under a blanket, holding hands. There was little to say. We were weary. And our nerves were frayed from eight months of waiting for our boys.

My journal entry from January 27, 2005:

"It is 5:30a.m. I've been awake since 4:00. This is unusual -- usually (in these past 8 months) I've been up from about 1:30-4:30a.m. Today, though, is different... today is the birthparent interview. I wonder how they feel today, if they slept last night. I wonder if me, Braydon, the birthmother and birthfather are connected in some way -- were we all restless in our sleep last night? Were they focused on the babies last night -- as we were? Or were their restless nights the nights before Kyle and Owen were born? --While ours are after? Or, perhaps, very possibly, they are not concerned with all this-- maybe their disconnect from the babies is strong enough that they don't lie awake in the night restless nor cling to each other for strength -- as we do.

The idea that we might get the phone call to go get the babies tomorrow is more than I can handle! The excitement is almost overwhelming. But I'm also scared the DHS will call for DNA and then we'll be waiting another 3 weeks.

Oh my gosh! I can hardly write. My mind is spinning -- What if we can go on Friday? After 8 months of waiting the idea of getting the twins seems like a surreal, hazy, half-awake half-asleep dream. Maybe because I've been thinking of it, imagining each moment, every detail, for the past 8 months straight -- often lying awake in my bed at night.

Last night we went and bought all the last mintue stuff -- diapers, formula, etc. Then we went for a fabulous dinner at 3 West. We have had the most incredible, intense adoption journey. If this year has been any indicator of what's to come then our life is going to be the most fabulous, multi-faceted, intense adventure journey imaginable. My husband is the most amazing man I know. Our marriage is strong. Our boys are special. Our life is life-affirming. This adoption is the best thing we could have ever done. All the highs, all the lows, the hot sweaty days this summer, the frigid snowy days now... all of it is just so deeply life-affirming.

My bambinos are in an orphanage in Haiti right now. They don't know what is coming. We are their legal parents -- and they've never even met us. I hope that some day our boys will be able to comprehend this thing we've done -- this adoption. I hope they will have some understanding of how incredibly special their lives are. I hope they will know our love is deep, intense, and life affirming.

Right now I just cannot wait to meet them and get on with our life together."

Kyle & Owen Two Years Ago, in the orphanage

1 comment:

Karen said...

Wow, Heather. What a powerful journal entry-- and what an amazing journey you've had since you wrote those words! Happy two year anniversary of sharing such a beautiful love with Kyle and Owen and Braydon. The four of you have made a family together in the best and truest sense, and it's inspiring to see (or, um, read about).