Open Book Answers - Part 6 (By Braydon)

Here are some more Q&A from the open book challenge!

Siri said...
Hello Johnson-McCormick Family and greetings from a blast-from-your-past Colby classmate. Been a lurker for quite some time (am addicted to your blog) and figured it was time to step up. Two questions about adoption (although both related):1. What do you know now that you wish you knew when you started the adoption process?2. What is the one piece of advice you would give those considering adoption?Boring questions, I know. But ones of particular interest...Thanks for such an honest and inspiring blog. Your boys are absolutely precious (and hysterical).Siri

Hi Sirichka – really wonderful to hear from you – would love to connect offline and catch up! Here are the answers:

The one big thing I wish we knew when we started to adopt (some people will disagree with this, but it’s my opinion): The kids you adopt are your kids, they are not someone else’s kids. There's nobody going to go to bat for them – other than you. Go to bat for them, go early and hit hard. They need an advocate to get through the adoption and you are it. Do what ever it takes to bring them home as soon as possible. And that does not mean waiting for someone else to take care of things.

I guess that is also my advice, but the other thing I would recommend is connecting with people who are also adopting – from wherever you are adopting. People in the same shoes are an incredible resource and lift you up when you are low. Think of it in biological baby terms: you wouldn’t not go to the doctor or your mother(figure) for support, right? Don’t skip out on the adoption community – they are simply amazing.


Cindy from central NC said...
Question: Why do you think that we, as Working Moms (and esp as Working IA Moms who have most likely waited--and gone through hell and back waiting--for a family) get a decent amount of pressure from the "non-working-full-time" front? And it's not just SAHMs but just people in general. Maybe a better way to ask the question is why do we (as confident know-I-should-be-working-Moms) allow ourselves to feel defensive over it? What's up with that? How do you feel about that? And then...then...put that whole DayCare taboo blogging thing on top of it cause it's all related...

Hi Cindy: Clearly I am not a working mom, but I know, love and support one who struggles everyday. Any by struggles, I mean she constantly feels guilty, she constantly feels criticized, and she constantly stands up for her self (which is hard and tiring to do).

Without getting to philosophical/cultural/political, I firmly believe these things that she feels are external social pressures she has internalized. In a rather immediate and simple example, when you watch the Today show and the working women there (how ironic is that) are sending the message that women should stay home; and 15 million women are watching, absorbing and repeating that message, how can you not feel defensive? I mean – sheesh – you’ve got so much of the world telling you it’s wrong. I’m a pretty tough guy when it comes to believing in what I do, but frankly I am not sure I am tough as the working mothers out there who put up with the daily constant barrage of negative messages telling them to stay home.

As for daycare, there is definitely a taboo: "giving your child to someone else to raise" is one of those common phrases people use - the language is antagonistic around it, and people perceive it negatively. And that's really sad, because for people who work and don't have extended family to take care of their kids, it's a necessity. So - I would ask, instead of just creating additional angst for anyone relying on others to help care for their children, why not help us make it better?

Of course that begs the whole "work is a choice" thing - which by the way - as a man - not only is it not really a choice, nobody would ever say that to me ("Braydon - why don't you stay home with the kids?"). I am not going to get into work as a choice here - I just think that using that way of thinking as a means to keep women staying at home is ultimately derogatory to the work women do.

I currently have 8 women working for me and I at MetLife I work for an astounding woman. The work these women do is a tremendous contribution, As both an employer and an employee, I would have it no other way.

Quick note to stay at home mothers: I am sure you get messages of guilt that you should work and that staying home is bad. I am not commenting on that one way or the other, nor commenting on actually staying home and I am criticizing staying home. I just know what Heather goes through and the women I work with go through, and I firmly, unequivocally and resolutely support her and them, encourage and defend them as a working – and awesome – mothers.

So – in short – Heather feels it too. Everyday, every minute, every hour. She finds friends who are like minded and support her. In the face of intense pressure, she recommits everyday to being a strong, powerful, contributing working woman. You don't need me to tell you it's hard, but I definitely acknowledge it.

The Fry Family said... from Kristie--
What drew you to Haiti?

Hi Fry Family! We actually often say – as many people do – that Haiti chose us. As we looked for from which to adopt, we had some things we knew: we wanted to adopt black kids; we wanted to adopt internationally; we wanted to adopt from a place that had tremendous need. Of course there are many places that fit that bill – and we did look at Africa. But when there are 1.5 million orphans less than 1,000 miles from Disney World, the choice became obvious. And after Haiti picked us, it got under our skin. After getting out boys, it has stayed under our skin.

As far as I know – our experience is very similar to other people who are involved in Haiti in some way.


I have a bio daughter and we are still trying to decide how we are going to complete our family (choices: are we done? or where will we adopt from?) My question is: how do you decide what information is too personal to share? Do you keep everything that you know that happened before you adopted your kids just for O&K to know? We are having this conversation in our fanily right now.Of course, if the question is too personal, just delete! :) Thanks for a great blog, Alejandra

Hi Alejandra – glad you like the blog – it’s become a large part of our lives! Ok – here’s the answer:

Like any photo album, our blog is a story that we tell about our lives. It’s a construct, and it’s really only part of the story. While it often feels like it’s the whole story, there is soooooo much left out. We rarely talk about our work (other than that we do work and our schedules), we almost never talk politics (other than working/non-working and adoption), we never post about our families, we never talk about our personal history.

We decided early on that many things were not going on the blog and that some things were off limits in general. For the blog that list is longer than in person, but that’s the nature of a blog (and you can see some of that list above). In terms of what we don’t share at all, with anyone (other than the boys), here is it:

Information about the boys’ birth parents; many details about their life in the orphanage; some details about their adoption.

There is no general rule we follow, we take it on a case by case example. The only litmus test for a topic is – would this be something the boys would rather communicate than us.


Anonymous said...
You seem pretty experienced; pretty fun-loving; pretty capable. But...how would you handle the situation if you came home to find your 12 year old K & O on the computer...wearing only their underwear...playing poker???Guess Who

Hi Guess Who: This is a tough one. I would say that we have a certain friend who is a State Trooper who would love to deal with that one directly; since he claims to know about that kind of thing. ;)


Anonymous said...
I too have an "active" 3 year old boy. Not clinically hyperactive or ADHD, etc., but very very "active" just like yours. That's why I like to look at your blog. Honestly, I cant even imagine having two of them (the exact same age????!!!!!! OMG). My question is if you could do one of your top 10 lists on activities or ideas or TIPS for how to handle very active little boys. You seem to have a lot of ideas. I don't know how you come up with all of them. But what are your favorite tips up your sleeve???

Hi – Frankly Heather is a ton better than I am at coming up with stuff. But here is the biggest tip I can think of: Go outside as much as possible. Get them running around. Playgrounds are best. Rainy days are very hard. Jumping on the bed is good.

Heather has also implemented “Ten Deep Breaths”. Often the boys will get waaay revved up. To calm them down, we sit on the floor and do this funny yoga-esque (neither of us do yoga – so it’s really funny): Sit cross legged; put your arms out to the side; take a long deep breath and bring your hands together, palms together; breath out slowly and move your arms back out to the side. Do this ten times. 9/10 times this works like a charm to calm them down.

Plan things in advance and communicate with them the details of the plan. I know for us they do a lot better when they know the plan in detail. Even if it’s “we’re having breakfast, then we’re going outside to play. We will get the mail, then we will run around the house five times. Then we will come inside and play a game. Then we will have lunch, then we will go to the park. If you are very good and behave, then after the park we can get ice cream" [yes, to the chagrin of many, we’ve learned to bribe].


Anonymous said...
Have been reading for a long time. Love your blog. Our famiy is addicted to your blog. Read it every day. Our question is what does Braydon do for work? Also, can he post more videos? His videos are our favorite. thanks.From The Jacksons in Newbury California

Hi Jackson family! For work I am a technology executive. At the moment I run a technology team at MetLife that designs and controls how software development is done for the $300 million Institutional Technology software practice. I am also building an internet startup company that is making an online social networking and music service. You can check it out at http://www.rvibe.com/.

I’m working on the videos! I just got Adobe Premiere Elements. You can get it bundled with Adobe Photoshop Elements for $149. It’s not as full featured as premiere, but it’s really enough for me. Now that I have it, I can get back going on more videos, more quickly!


Anonymous said...
Hello. Our question is: do you ever feel famous? Because of your blog? Like- does anyone ever come up to you in public and recognize you, etc.? To us you are like celebrities!!! We'd be more excited to see you in an airport or restaurant than we would be to see Paris Hilton!! Does anyone ever recognize you? Thanks for the great blog, the Brown Family in North Dakota

Hi Brown family- thanks for reading! It’s funny you ask that – we wonder the same thing about the Livesays. No, we don’t feel famous, but I can see what you mean! And while I don’t think anyone recognizes us from our blog, our family is unusual enough looking that we certainly get many, many stares. And sometimes it feels like the paparazzi are all over us, when random strangers start blatantly taking our pictures. When that happens, Heather has taken to walking up to them, handing them her business card and asking them to send us the good shots. No body has sent anything yet.


Anonymous said...
Why did you adopt? Also, why did you want twins? Did you have a choice for boys or girls? If yes, why boys?

Hi – we always knew we would adopt. In fact we never actually tried to get pregnant, and don’t know if we could. We also always knew we wanted to adopt multiple kids – we just were NOT expecting twins. But then again, anyone with twins – do you ever?!?!? It was a total shock, and now we couldn’t be happier that it worked out that way (even if it’s challenging).

As for boys versus girls: we wanted the youngest children possible; period. Since there is typically greater demand for girls than boys, we figured that meant that we would get boys, but we did not specifically pick boys. We just got very lucky we got K & O.


Anonymous said...
HOW DID YOU CHOOSE THEIR NAMES TO BE KYLE AND OWEN?

Hi – When we chose their names our thinking went something like this:

1. Twin Haitian boys adopted by white US family
2. Over achieving, crazy active parents who do tons of stuff
3. Last name Johnson-McCormick (try growing up with that)
4. Black boys in the USA
5. First names need to be very simple, strong, and confident without being overbearing, confusing or strange.

Oh, and when we said “Kyle” and “Owen” out loud, the names just clicked, which probably had more to do with it than anything else.