It looks like my boys are going to be popular kids -and it's starting early. Of course it remains to be seen - they are still "cute" in many eyes. What ever happens, this happened at school drop off today:
We walk in - and as usual (well - day 6 usual anyway), we're greeted at the door with a big welcome. There are kids everywhere - ages 3 - 15 all hustle and bustle -time to go to class. Backpacks, slings, books, shoes, bumping and laughing and trying to not get in trouble for whatever it is you might be doing. Generally enjoying the morning before it's time to start the day.
K & O stride down the halls with their own back packs on - "Papi - look at the fountain! Owen - you see the fountain???" "Yes, Kyle, I see it, I SEE IT!!!" Owen has to run his hand across every single thing as he goes past it, whether that's a kid, a teacher, a door knob or wall - everything. Kyle just looks around in wonder at all the kids and tries (mostly successfully) to not fall down.
As we near their classroom, I hear "High five!" Then - "oh maaan!" Then again "high five! - yes!"
I turn to look and Kyle has just given a kid (who might be around 10 years old) a biiiig high five. Owen was too busy touching things and didn't notice him; he turned back and gave the kid one too. I have never seen this boy before, and I can't imagine that K or O have or know who he is - they don't seem to.
The kid then turns to his friends and says in this most prideful way - I just got a high five from Kyle and Owen!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The popular kids
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11 comments:
You never know, Heather- Maybe the kid reads your blog! ;)
But, seriously, who cannot adore these two? Their joyous energy jumps off of the computer page, so I can only imagine what they'd be like in person.
Hey! Do you think he knew which twin was which? :)
I think you mentioned before that they are a definte minority at the school so this totally reminds me of our school experience. Annslee, the only Asian child in the school, was defintely popular with all the kids and teachers. Now, I will say (like your boys) she is outgoing and funny and sweet so I don't think the fact that they are "stand outs" is the only reason but I think initially it gets them the attention : )
Oh, and my little one touches everything too!!
that is so precious! they are cute boys, it is no wonder.
Red flags!!!! Would they be as popular in a school that was mostly black children? Would the older kids be enthralled to get a high five from them?
As a white parent of black children we will struggle with this also when we enroll our now 2 year old children in school. Do we go with the school we LOVE for the creativity and philosphy etc etc but that our children will be 2 of only a few other black children in their class? What does it do to them to be "popular" in that way and sought after to give the high fives? We are thinking hard about the trade-offs the kids would make to be in a "diverse" environment versus being in an environment where they are not "special".
I also raise this as a white sister to black brothers raised in an almost all white community....my black brothers were also "popular".....
We notice a huge difference in how popular we/our kids are when we go to areas that are mostly white. It is really amazing how much "positive" attention we/they get in such settings.
Solidarity,
Teena, white mama to black (girl/boy) twins
I think the energy in your household probably is a bit of an extension of K&O. Don't you think? I'm guessing you are full of energy and are very well liked. I do believe children emulate what they see. You are so lucky they are so well liked and loved. It could be a lot worse.
Teena, I wish I had a way to contact you directly --- but I don't so I'll have to do it here.
It would sound like red flags to me too except for two things: 1) in this particular school we do not have a 'red-flag-vibe' [and believe me, we *KNOW* what that vibe is all about since we get it *regularly* in *many* many many places/spaces/arenas - there are, for example, many schools/restaurants/playgrounds/towns/homes/etc. that we do not *ever* bring K & O to). This is one of the reasons we chose this school - because we don't have that red-flag-feeling/vibe. and 2) K & O get this sort of reaction everywhere they go- even in black spaces/crowds/predominantly (or exclusively) black arenas... If you put them into a group of all-black kids they will still be "The Popular Kids" that everyone wants to interact with (including the 10 year old black boys who want to high-five with them and the 10 year old black girls who want to carry them around everywhere). K & O are many things (precocious, 'challenging', spirited, a "HANDFUL"), but one thing they definately are is POPULAR. Braydon is right-- who knows what will happen (and my fear with white environments is that horrible old story I hear over and over from my black students at Lehigh--- they're the most popular kid in the school, president of their class, captain of their sports' team, but... they can't get a prom date. I hate the thought of it)... but for now, we're happy for K & O that at least they have their gift-of-gab and their confident-cuteness going for them. And as much as we're perhaps sometime over-sensitive about the 'red flag' places or the 'bad vibe' spaces, it is nice for Braydon and I to have discovered a little spot in the world where K & O are truly loved and celebrated for WHO THEY ARE. As you know, Teena, that's hard to come by. So, we have to be genuinely grateful on those rare occassions when we find it.
:)
Heather
Right after I posted I regretted my post...it sounds so judgemental and it puts out such a negative vibe on such a positive happy slice of life for your boys. Plus the assumption that it would have to be about race and not about their own personality.
The description of being popular and the high fives gave ME the red flag feelings because of my own experiences and because of my own worries about school choice for my children. I am sorry that my comment has that kind of tone...and I hope we are able to find the right place for our children too!
-Teena
Teena,
No worries! I liked your comment, actually. Many people don't know what we are talking about when we talk about that "vibe" or the "red-flag feeling" etc. Braydon and I try to explain this to white people and generally they don't get it. So, I'm happy whenever we encounter someone like you who DOES get it!!! O.k., so I have a hunch... do you live in Boston area???? I know there is some family out there w/ white parents and black adopted kids in the Boston area... is it you?! I just had to ask (there are so few of us out here--- I know of only one other white couple that adopted black twins - and they are boy girl too, but they live in the Chicago area... see: http://ethiopianadoption.blogspot.com)
Heather
Yes we do live in Boston -- how did you know that?! Must be the accent.
I am obsessed with the white-parents-through-adoption-to-black-twins blogs and do enjoy the one you mentioned...not only the cute kid pics and slice of life writings but also some really insightful posts both on her blog and on the message boards.
About explaining the vibe thing...it IS hard to explain and not hard to understand why people don't get it. Almost the reverse of what happened with my original comment -- I assumed that it was not mainly your kids personality that made them popular but rather being the only (or only of a few) black children. I find that most people automatically assume the reverse, that whatever kind of attention we are getting is because of the kids personality or twin-ness or cuteness....hard to argue because, of course, they are so awesome, twinny and CUTE! But we see such a huge difference in attention depending on where we are. The attention feels RELENTLESS in predominately white areas.
-Teena
ps How DID you hear of us?
pps Is there a blogging etiquette that I am violating by posting all this in comments? I would be fine with sending you my email if there is a way to do that?
Teena,
I knew there was a white couple in Boston area w/ black adopted twins (did you adopt from Ethiopia??) because we know someone who lives in Roslindale area who is on the JP Mom's Listserve and emailed me to tell me that our blog had shown up there. They were talking about dual-working couples on the listserve and a member had linked our blog to it... also mentioning that they had adopted black twins. That's how I knew there was someone there. ;) Is that YOU??? Do you live in Jamaica Plain? Braydon and I lived in Jamaica Plain for six years while we were in grad school. Small world! Tell me if it is you! It is interesting that you write that you notice a huge difference in the attention you get --- we actually don't notice that... in fact, we feel the opposite: that the stares/questions/attention that we receive are RELENTLESS (as you say) *ALL* *THE* *TIME* and *NON-STOP* *EVERYWHERE* we go!!! We avoid it sometimes by sticking to ourselves and making our home a little retreat/oasis from the world. It is very interesting to me that you feel that sometimes it isn't as severe. I feel like we never get a break from it. Part of it may be the even-more-intesity of the fact that K & O are both boys and many people think they are identical... I don't know. Anyway, thanks for your comments! my email is: hbj2@lehigh.edu if you want to contact me directly.
Heather
P.S. Do you know of other white-parents-of-black-twins blogs??? The only one I know of (other than ours) is the one I noted above. Please share with me any others you know of!!!
P.S. -- Teena, I was just thinking - part of it may also be the dreadlocks... because even when we're in predominantly black areas we get TONS of attention -- and a lot of that is related to their hair (black men and women and teenagers approaching us asking us about their hair and/or commenting on it, wanting to talk 'locs' and black-hair-products etc., etc., etc.). Just another thought re: the relentlessness of it.
Heather
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