"Home can heal. There is healing in home." ~Maya Angelou
We're noticing many things about ourselves as a family in the first couple days that we're home with baby Meera. Many emotional things. Many good things and some not so good; all just us.
There is an old Russian proverb that "only other people's children are ugly." And I suspect that is true. And I am sure that everyone who has had children, biologically or through adoption has felt what I heard Heather say a few minutes ago. But when you feel this way, it just doesn't matter that every parent does:
Heather: "[sobbing] I didn't expect to love her this much, I just didn't. She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I don't want her to ever be more than five days old."
There is infinite hope in the future for Meera, there is boundless love for this little being new to the earth. There is fear, there is joy, there is pressure and relief. It all happens at the same time. And so far, in the short years that we have been parents, we've realized this is what it means to love that deeply.
We adopted first by choice, we didn't try to have a child biologically first. That was, and is, our belief and our philosophy (which are different things) and we do our best (not always successful) to live out our beliefs. We live our life in hope and it shapes our decisions daily.
Now that we have Meera, we're reflecting in ways that daily life usually prevents. It makes us recall when we adopted K & O and how we felt then. It reveals our deepest inner selves about our inadequacies and wants. It makes us look at ourselves and see the flaws and strengths. When we adopted K & O I had the adoption blues and struggled, but Heather felt the same way then for them as she does now for Meera. Now we love Meera so strongly that we question our sanity.
It makes us notice the differences and the similarities in love for Kyle, for Owen and for Meera. It makes us aware of the strength of our own feelings and the power of love. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. Heather now is remembering that as well. We have made a family in the most amazing of ways, and it has many different parts to its emotional life.
This family has newness and oldness, it has goodness and the remeberance of pain. It contains our hopes, our fears our passion, our love, healing, desires and needs. It's also a rocking good time.
We have made this.
"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." ~Martin Luther King Junior