Monday, June 02, 2008

Home coming

"Home can heal. There is healing in home." ~Maya Angelou

We're noticing many things about ourselves as a family in the first couple days that we're home with baby Meera. Many emotional things. Many good things and some not so good; all just us.

There is an old Russian proverb that "only other people's children are ugly." And I suspect that is true. And I am sure that everyone who has had children, biologically or through adoption has felt what I heard Heather say a few minutes ago. But when you feel this way, it just doesn't matter that every parent does:

Heather: "[sobbing] I didn't expect to love her this much, I just didn't. She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I don't want her to ever be more than five days old."

There is infinite hope in the future for Meera, there is boundless love for this little being new to the earth. There is fear, there is joy, there is pressure and relief. It all happens at the same time. And so far, in the short years that we have been parents, we've realized this is what it means to love that deeply.

***

We adopted first by choice, we didn't try to have a child biologically first. That was, and is, our belief and our philosophy (which are different things) and we do our best (not always successful) to live out our beliefs. We live our life in hope and it shapes our decisions daily.

Now that we have Meera, we're reflecting in ways that daily life usually prevents. It makes us recall when we adopted K & O and how we felt then. It reveals our deepest inner selves about our inadequacies and wants. It makes us look at ourselves and see the flaws and strengths. When we adopted K & O I had the adoption blues and struggled, but Heather felt the same way then for them as she does now for Meera. Now we love Meera so strongly that we question our sanity.

It makes us notice the differences and the similarities in love for Kyle, for Owen and for Meera. It makes us aware of the strength of our own feelings and the power of love. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. Heather now is remembering that as well. We have made a family in the most amazing of ways, and it has many different parts to its emotional life.

This family has newness and oldness, it has goodness and the remeberance of pain. It contains our hopes, our fears our passion, our love, healing, desires and needs. It's also a rocking good time.

We have made this.

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." ~Martin Luther King Junior

22 comments:

Julie said...

This is an incredibly beautiful post. Thank you.

Malia'sMama said...

Lovely post and you go, Mama H- have that drink! :)

LaLa said...

Great post...enjoy your family!

there is a similar Chinese proverb "there is only one beautiful child in the world and every mother has it" (or 3 in your case)

Isabella's Mommy & Daddy said...

BEAUTIFUL post...
Love the pictures...
Meera is beautiful.. as so are Owen and Kyle..
Thanks for updating..

Marcia Erickson said...

Meera is precious!

Blessings as you continue to mold as a family!

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness... i'm beside myself with the beauty of your family! amen that you guys are home and having tons of family time.

i love the pictures and look forward to checking the blog daily to see my sweet boys & new sweet baby girl interact! PRICELESS!

p.s. heather, you look fantastic (you're glowing!)
lori
xoxo

Anonymous said...

I am new to your blog (found you through another adoption blog), and was very touched by this entry. We have two biological children (5 and 3) and one adopted daughter (22 months). I struggled with adoption blues when we arrived home from Ethiopia in Dec 2007, and the bonding process is still a work in process (more for me than for our daughter). I wonder if the bond will ever be as strong as with the other kids. Not certain that was the nuance in your message, but it certainly resonated with me and my emotions. Thank you for your candor.

Gloria

Anonymous said...

I am new to your blog (found you through another adoption blog), and was very touched by this entry. We have two biological children (5 and 3) and one adopted daughter (22 months). I struggled with adoption blues when we arrived home from Ethiopia in Dec 2007, and the bonding process is still a work in process (more for me than for our daughter). I wonder if the bond will ever be as strong as with the other kids. Not certain that was the nuance in your message, but it certainly resonated with me and my emotions. Thank you for your candor.

Gloria

Trish said...

Beautiful. Welcome home and cheers!
Trish

Bek said...

Great points all around.

Just today my husband said (about our 8 week old) "She is so cute I can hardly stand it".. and he always coo's to her "don't ever grow up!! Just stay this tiny forever....".

It is amazing to see how the love can mulitply. We are also an adoption/bio family and have felt many of the things you said as well...glad that everyone is home and happy and healthy...

Claudia said...

How sweet that you shared your inner thoughts Braydon. What you had said is what many of us feel being it first time parents or like hubby says old timers like us. Many of us feel what you and Heather feel, but have never known the exact words to say it. May your lives be more richer and fuller. You both have three beautiful children. We absolutely love the picture of either Kyle or Owen holding baby Meera. Enjoy your time and love hearing the updates. Love and Hugs to all of you.

kerid said...

what a great reveal about love....i was just discussing this with my husband yesterday about when we brought our daughter home from china i loved her but had not yet fallen in love with her.....definitely a bit blue.....thankfully there is hope in love!!!.... congratulations on your beautiful family!!!

keri

Leslie said...

Hi,
I loved this post. My husband and I have chosen to start our family through adoption, and like you, haven't ever tried for bio kids yet. We're also adopting from Haiti while we live here.

Everything you've said completely resonates with me. I worried about whether I would bond with Olivia or if I would love her enough and every day I feel like I'm side swiped with just how much love I have for her. There are no words to describe it. It just is.

You have a beautiful family and I love reading because I appreciate your approach to parenting. I hope all the blessings in the world fall upon you guys and that you enjoy this time. You've had the adventure of adoption, and now you get to go through the adventure of having a newborn. We brought our daughter home at 15 days old and there hasn't been a day go by where I don't marvel at God's creation.

Leslie

dusobrown said...

Thanks for a courageous and beautiful post. It's great to see that you all are doing well and settling in to your "new" family. I love the big, comfy feeding chair :). The pictures are gorgeous; what a record you are creating for your kids. I imagine that this time with Meera is reminding you, Heather, Kyle & Owen of the things you missed in their first eight months. Thanks again for sharing.
Julie

me said...

Cheers to you both, and to your beautiful family! I'm so looking forward to hearing more about how having this new little person teaches you (all over again) about yourselves, the world, and what it's like to be a multiracial family. I so appreciate the honest reflections you both share.

Patricia said...

Personally I still can't get over the fact that she was inside Heather less than a week ago. It's so sci/fi! (Are we ready for humor yet?) Great post B! Big hugs to everyone!
love,
Patricia

Preemie Twins' Nanny said...

Excellent photos, lovely, heartfelt post. Your family is really, very beautiful. Congratulations on your newest addition and the wonder of growing together.

Tracy R said...

The thing about love is that if you do it right, and deeply, it's scary as heck -- but so totally worth it. I'm glad you're home and still enjoying the ride.
Tracy R.

wendy said...

Boys are absolutely wonderful, no doubt about it, but there is something extra special about little girls. They just melt you heart and make you want to give them the world. ;-)

I have 5, so I should know! ;-) (I also have 3 boys that are fabulous, too.)

Congrats on your new little one--you have a lovely family. She is one lucky girl to have two doting big brothers to protect and support her through life. I love the photo of one of your boys holding Meera. Precious and award-winning-worthy.

Wendy from Flippin' Sweet

Jen said...

What a great post and some great pictures of your three cute kiddos!

Anonymous said...

I love your honesty. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us.

You perfectly captured the essence of parental love and bonding in that post, it can be very complex and difficult.

I am totally in love with all of my children although the love I feel for them is very different. I will always have a very special bond with my first child- it was instant and she had my undivided attention 24/7 for 3 years.

In the same way, my twins are my unexpected miracles although the bonding wasn't as immediate. We went through hell with an emergency c-section and a twin that was born not breathing. They were extremely premature and spent their first months fighting to survive in the NICU. I totally had the "baby blues" and didn't feel connected to them since I couldn't hold them or feed them for so long. Once they came home, the bonding went better, but it's different than it was the first time around.

You don't need to post this comment, I just wanted to let you know that I could relate to your post. It was meaningful to me and I really appreciate your honesty!

All the best to you and your incredible family!

The depth of love that a person feels for their chidren is incredible. I didn't know that I could feel something so powerful until my children were born.

Troy & Tara Livesay Family said...

I don't have internet and it KILLS me -- but wanted to check on you guys quickly --- I have to tell you, that I GET THIS --- I get it i get it I get it. The crazy love that I (you) feel along with hormonal charges ... it is a lot to grasp -- congrats to you all on little Meera.