Guest Blogger: MorFar Tells the Story

Guest Blog Post from MorFar – The Birth of Meera
by Don Johnson on the occasion of the birth of his granddaughter Meera

It is truly an honor and a privilege to be so close to the beginning of life for another human being. I’m sure that the witness of this miracle is even more intensively emotional when the person giving birth is my daughter and the person whose life is beginning is my granddaughter.

One of the truths that this experience has reaffirmed is that there’s very little in life that we can be sure of; and even less that we have control over. The plan for MorMor (Janet) and I has been that as soon as and whenever labor was to have begun, we would get in the car and drive for 8 hours from our home in New Hampshire to Pennsylvania. It was a commitment we were happy to make because of the honor of being invited into the process in such a profound way.

So when the report from Heather’s doctor visit on April 28 was that it could be any day now – our bags were packed and our night ears sensitized for middle of the night phone calls. It almost seemed like we were working round the clock to get our work obligations completed ahead of schedule for the next few weeks. We were ready!

As we have all learned, Meera was not ready. We went to Pennsylvania for Kyle and Owen’s fabulous birthday party on May 5. We returned to NH so we could be with our granddaughter Sadie’s birthday party in Maine on May 10. Surely Meera would arrive by her May 15 due date but where was she? I called off a work trip to South Carolina scheduled for May 19-21 so I could be here in NH with MorMor when the call came – convinced that the extra gravitation of the full moon would beckon Meera into this world. We started to joke around that maybe Heather was faking it for who knows what reason and then we started to think that maybe we shouldn’t joke around anymore. Finally it was May 24, Memorial Day Weekend, and we made the trip to PA without a phone call in the middle of the night. This sure wasn’t the frantic departure in the night as we planned it – it turned out to be a nice leisurely trip to PA without the urgency of an any-minute-now birth.

Never did it cross my mind that Heather’s intention of a totally natural childbirth experience was not going to happen.

After the 3-day weekend, we had a great Tuesday afternoon with Kyle and Owen when Heather and Braydon were at the doctor appointment. But it did seem like they were at the doctor’s for an extended amount of time. When they returned to their home to tell us that they would be checking into the hospital at 8 that night for the induction process to begin – that’s when things started to really seem a little surreal. Inducing – that’s not how Heather had planned it.

Heather and Braydon put the twins to bed and shortly thereafter headed off to the hospital. Nobody had planned it this way. How come it wasn’t happening the way it was planned?

May 28 dawned pretty normal – for us. Kyle and Owen got up, wondered where their parents were (even though they were fully apprised the night before), and Janet brought them to pre-school while I got caught up on some work details. We went out to lunch, knowing that Kyle and Owen would be picked up from school by Alex, their Nanny. A call to Braydon informed us that things were moving slowly at the hospital and allowed us to find out what he wanted us to bring him for lunch. Janet and I arrived at the hospital around 2 pm.

You know how on Christmas Day you lose all track of time because no matter which day it falls on, there’s no other day like it – it’s not Monday or Thursday or Saturday or Sunday – it’s Christmas. May 28, from 2 pm on, was like that – totally swept up by what was happening in Room 304 of St. Luke’s Hospital. It was like no other day. I’m pretty sure Heather will agree with that.

Now I’m not one to stick around a whole lot when someone is going through lots of pain and/or distress, especially when that person happens to be my beloved daughter. Give me a support role and I’ll take it hands down. So I surprised myself a little that I spent so much time in the labor room. Most of the reason for that is that Heather endured several hours of serious labor in very stoic fashion – it was quite amazing as I now look back on it. I tried to divert attention by chit chatting about absolutely nothing and I’m still not sure of that serving any redeemable function. And of all the people in that room – Heather, Braydon, Janet, nurses, etc. – I know I’m the one who achieved most familiarity with the hospital gift shop, cafeteria, corridors, and maternity section waiting room. I was the volunteer and very eager gofer for whatever anyone needed and I could easily manufacture the needs of others when what was happening in room 304 necessitated a relaxation of my daughter’s modesty – there’s no way I needed to be witness to that.

Those hours of labor were indeed tedious and slow-moving. So when I was fetched from the waiting room with the news that the doctor had decided that it would be best to do a C-Section, I was relieved. And when I went to the room to see Heather before she got rolled into the OR, there was noticeable relief coming from her direction as well. I was there when the anesthetist explained what would be happening and witnessed his attempt at humor when he asked Heather if she preferred to go to the OR by walking or on the gurney. He sure did a double-take when she said, “sure, I’ll walk”.

It’s one of the most vivid images that will always be with me. I’m now at the end of the corridor, waiting to see Heather get rolled into the OR. The door from Room 304 opens, and out comes the entourage. Heather leading the way, shuffling down the corridor as pregnant as anyone can physically be; Braydon at one arm, right beside her; a nurse, pushing the IV stand, on the other side and one step behind; a student physician, right behind her; all followed by another nurse, rolling the gurney that Heather was supposed to be riding on. It was amazing! Heather Beth Johnson marching triumphantly to the operating room. That was at about 10:00 pm.

After all the waiting (a month’s worth) it was almost a surprise to see a nurse come down the corridor, rolling a baby on whatever they roll babies on, Braydon right behind, smiling and as proud as could be. They stopped to let Janet and I take a look and observe that Meera had a great pair of lungs and also all of her fingers and toes, and then into the nursery. We just stood outside staring into the nursery at Meera in amazement and wonder and awe with the miracle of new life. It is truly one of the most emotionally and spiritually stimulating experiences of my life.

And it was a relief to talk briefly with Heather as she went from the OR to the Recovery Room. Yes, this time she was being rolled on the gurney. It’s not how we envisioned that it would be happening. The whole experience is a reminder that as much as we try, we aren’t in control.

If there is a sequel to this story, it might be the total sense of gratification and love that I experienced on the day after Meera and Heather came home from the hospital. Not once but twice having Meera fall asleep in my arms and stay there so contentedly for at least a couple of hours each time. I sense that there’s a lifelong bond beginning between Meera and MorFar – just exactly as I envisioned it!

Guest Blogger: MorMor Tells the Story

Guest Blog Post from MorMor - HBJ's Pregnancy
by Janet Johnson on the occasion of the birth of her granddaughter Meera

September
Don and I were sound a sleep at our summer cottage on Lake Winnipesauke when the phone rang at 4 am one September morning. It was Heather “Mom, I’m pregnant.” She was so surprised and couldn’t believe it. Heather and Braydon had talked about another adoption and talked about a biological child but hadn’t decided yet – they just knew three kids was what they wanted. Well the decision was made for them! We were so excited!

October
We were scheduled to watch the boys at their home for a few days so Braydon and Heather could go off on a celebration trip for her getting tenure at Lehigh in the fall but they decided they shouldn’t leave the country because she was pregnant. So we got invited to join them in AZ for a long weekend and had a really great time. Talked a lot about what the new baby would be like, how the boys wanted a baby, race, family of 3, etc.

December
Everyone came home for Christmas and Heather’s belly was showing she was pregnant. She was beaming and beautiful! Braydon was watching her every move. What a change when she couldn’t drink the traditional Swedish Glogg and couldn’t eat the raw sill and dilled salmon! Heather was tired but otherwise feeling great. She didn’t ski or snow tube with us but enjoyed watching instead.

January
I remember my visit and thinking oh my, how will Heather ever handle it all, being a professor, wife, mother of three (two who are extremely active), cook, chauffeur, and organizer of all. Braydon was showing signs of feeling extra pressure to provide financially as well as emotionally. They needed cars for 3 car seats, newborn “stuff”, baby’s room furniture, fixing up a guest room, financial planning for the future, etc.

March
I came for a few days to watch Kyle while Owen had his surgery and to generally help out. Heather was acting very normal; being pregnant didn’t slow her down a bit. Full of energy, caring for the boys, planning for Meera, all of it. A few days later we all met in Worcester for Easter and had a great weekend. Heather although visibly pregnant didn’t act any different. She handles pregnancy so well – maybe she should have more children??!!

April
After a work trip in southern PA I visited for a few days. H + B got to check off a few things on their massive list with a trip to IKEA and Baby’s R Us. I took home curtains to shorten, made a quilt, and covered a few pillows all in pinks!! The anticipation was building for baby sister’s arrival. H + B were talking a lot with the boys about what to expect with the arrival of baby sister. In the Johnson tradition there is always a lot of talking about things so everyone knows what to expect. The plan for Meera’s arrival right down to Alex coming during the night (didn’t happen she picked them up from school) to MorMor and MorFar coming when baby Meera was going to arrive (didn’t happen we came early), to driving home all together in the “black” car (did happen) was discussed completely! The boys were prepared.

May 2
We came prepared to stay a while (just in case) for the twins birthday party and had a great visit. We left for NH thinking it would be just a few days until we got the call to return!

May 10
We were able to celebrate our granddaughter Sadie’s birthday with all her friends in Maine May 10. All four of our grandchildren have May birthdays!

May 11
Don gave me a fourth emerald bootie for my grandmother necklace for Mother’s Day. We began our daily routine of emptying of the trash, buying food for one day at a time, keeping the suitcase by the door, keeping the car filed with gas, lawns mowed, house clean, laundry done, office work kept up, etc. We were waiting for a call and NO CALL CAME!

May 24
We finally said “we are coming anyway” and can at least help cook, clean and pass the time!

May 27
H + B come home from the doctor and tell us they are to be at the hospital at 8 pm because she needs to be induced. Two weeks is as long as the doctor will let her go after the due date. I felt badly because I knew how important it was to Heather not to have any drugs in her body and how much she wanted a natural birth. H + B explain to the boys what is going on and in true Johnson-McCormick fashion the twins go with the flow. MorMor and MorFar are there and they love us and feel comfortable with us. In true HBJ fashion she cooked the family’s favorite pasta dish (and doubled it so there would be leftovers) for dinner! They put the boys to bed, Heather took a shower and they left for the hospital. The baby would be coming soon now.

May 28
Braydon calls in the morning that the induction process had begun and we can come anytime. We get the boys off to school, arrange for Alex to pick them up and head to the hospital. Heather handles the contractions so well. By late afternoon, early evening the doctor says she is in active labor and the pain is as bad as it will get. He offers an epidural, she refuses it, she’s so strong it’s unbelievable. During contractions she doesn’t yell out at all, she looks at a focal point and listens and responds to Braydon’s voice. The thing I will remember most of this time is how much in love Braydon and Heather are. How together they are. How Heather trusts Braydon so completely that she did everything he asks. He’d say “Let your jaw drop Heather, relax your shoulders” and she did. They are as if just one person at times and this was one of them. It was a gift for me to watch. When the monitor lost the baby’s heartbeat and they took her off the pitosin and contractions slowed to almost nothing the doctor said she’d done as much as she could and she needed to have a c-section. It was 10 pm Wednesday night. Because she’d had no pain meds she walked with Braydon to the operating room. It was the funniest thing to see her walking down the hall to the operating room! Braydon was dressed in scrubs, camera in hand of course, walking with her. Don and I sat waiting for just about 25 minutes and out came the nurse from the operating room with Braydon and Meera. What a beautiful baby. Pure happiness, she is here, relief it is over and everyone is ok, the miracle of birth, new life, faith in God, family, mother and father, brothers, sister. Braydon went into the nursery with Meera and we watched through the window as he put his head down next to her and talked to her, held her hand, rubbed her head, cried with joy. Next came the line of doctors with Heather on a stretcher coming from the operating room. The doctor told us Heather has a misshaped pelvis and she couldn’t have given birth without the caesarean. Thank God for good doctors and timely decisions. We have a beautiful granddaughter who has wonderful parents and loving brothers who will forever watch over their little sister I’m sure. Baby Meera is here!

June 2
We leave for NH knowing Meera is a beautiful and very good baby, nursing is going perfectly well, the boys are happy to have their parents back, Braydon has family leave and can do everything and anything, we’ve left a few days food for them to eat, the house is clean, laundry done, the weather is beautiful. Life is just waiting for fun and playing and good times for the Johnson-McCormick family of five.

Post note:
At this same time of new life and pure happiness for our family my sister and her family are experiencing the worst time of their lives. My niece, Karen, age 35 with 2 children ages 2 ½ and 5 has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. Please pray for Karen and her family. Although the diagnosis not good we believe there is always hope and we believe God is good and miracles do happen.

~MorMor

And out there in the rest of the world...

These days at the Johnson-McCormick Homestead it feels like it is all about Us, Us, Us, Us, Us (and/or all about Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera)... sometimes it is hard for us to remember... there's a whole big world out there happening. ;-0 And a small little piece of that world is the status of life here in the country we reside in. So, just to be sure that we remember a tiny bit of what else was going on during this time...
Here's the good news & the bad news (from our particular perspective, of course):

• Good news: Barack Obama, our nation's sole black senator, its fifth ever, has clinched the Democratic Nomination for President!!! Folks, we just might be able to tell our boys that we have a black president... much sooner in their lifecourse than I, for one, would have ever imagined!!! This is a happy happy day with the J-M's (at least as far as we two J-M parents are concerned)!!! read this Philadelphia Inquirer article -- click here
• Bad news: Unfortunately, it is not all rosy rosy rosy. For example, read this Washington Post article entitled Black Men Quietly Combating Stereotypes -- click here

P.S. Don't worry, I plan to post about Us, Us, Us, Us, Us (and Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera) later. At 10:21 tonight Meera will be one week old and my birth experience will be one week behind me. I've taken some time away from the blog to bond with my baby and sort out my thoughts and feelings. But you'll be hearing from me soon!

First Music

Other than what she heard when they rolled her by the stereo in the new born unit, Meera has not heard a lot of music. Here are her firsts:

Papi singing "Swedish Lullaby". A beautiful version of this can be found here.

"Cherry" by Abdullah Ibrahim Trio, a great African inspired Jazz piece.

"Got the world on a string" Jazz standard by Diana Krall, apropos I think.

"Shake your tail feather" by the Cheetah Girls (with two wild K & O's dancing like mad men).

"Stir it up" by Bob Marley. The original is still the best. This is our "Family Song" and it was exciting for K & O to play it for M for the first time this morning.

"Big brother song." From the back of the "I'm going to be a big brother." Heather and I did not even know this had a CD, so when Kyle got it out, put it in the CD Player, and started singing along with it and dancing to show off to Meera (he knew all the words, so obviously he has been listening to this for awhile now-- unbeknownst to us), we were pretty suprised and delighted.

Home coming

"Home can heal. There is healing in home." ~Maya Angelou

We're noticing many things about ourselves as a family in the first couple days that we're home with baby Meera. Many emotional things. Many good things and some not so good; all just us.

There is an old Russian proverb that "only other people's children are ugly." And I suspect that is true. And I am sure that everyone who has had children, biologically or through adoption has felt what I heard Heather say a few minutes ago. But when you feel this way, it just doesn't matter that every parent does:

Heather: "[sobbing] I didn't expect to love her this much, I just didn't. She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I don't want her to ever be more than five days old."

There is infinite hope in the future for Meera, there is boundless love for this little being new to the earth. There is fear, there is joy, there is pressure and relief. It all happens at the same time. And so far, in the short years that we have been parents, we've realized this is what it means to love that deeply.

***

We adopted first by choice, we didn't try to have a child biologically first. That was, and is, our belief and our philosophy (which are different things) and we do our best (not always successful) to live out our beliefs. We live our life in hope and it shapes our decisions daily.

Now that we have Meera, we're reflecting in ways that daily life usually prevents. It makes us recall when we adopted K & O and how we felt then. It reveals our deepest inner selves about our inadequacies and wants. It makes us look at ourselves and see the flaws and strengths. When we adopted K & O I had the adoption blues and struggled, but Heather felt the same way then for them as she does now for Meera. Now we love Meera so strongly that we question our sanity.

It makes us notice the differences and the similarities in love for Kyle, for Owen and for Meera. It makes us aware of the strength of our own feelings and the power of love. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. Heather now is remembering that as well. We have made a family in the most amazing of ways, and it has many different parts to its emotional life.

This family has newness and oldness, it has goodness and the remeberance of pain. It contains our hopes, our fears our passion, our love, healing, desires and needs. It's also a rocking good time.

We have made this.

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." ~Martin Luther King Junior

Coming home

We made it home! Checked out of the hospital on Saturday and had a great day on Sunday.

Mor mor and Mor far left this morning and we had our first day as a family. The boys had a great day at school and we played in the pool in the afternoon. Meera had her first pediatric appointment today and got her Hep B (we avoided this in the hospital and some would avoid it longer, but we're fairly comfortable with it), which she hated. I mean, who loves shots? The boys rode their scooters around Hellertown.



We're starting to settle in a bit and notice ourselves as a new family.

The first 60 hours

Things are going great! Here's a run down of the first 60 hours:

• Heather has figured out Meera's cries: Low pitched and throaty is hungry, high pitched and breathy is other "bodily functions", middle pitched and more subtle is "Papi, you're changing my diaper again?!?!"




• Meera is a very good baby. She communicates a lot, eats well, sleeps well and loves to be held. She slept for 4 hours in a row last night!



• Owen loves to hold his baby sister. He always wants to take her out of the blanket and remove the onesie. If she was a toy, he'd try to take her apart to see how she works, but that's not happening, since he's extremely gentle and careful with her.


• All on his own, Owen included Meera in nightly prayers.



• Kyle doesn't want to hold her. Why? Because he's afraid he'll hurt her. He gets very very concerned when she's crying and tells mommy that baby Meera is hungry.


• Yesterday when Meera was crying, all on his own, Kyle went and found the pacifier and gently put it in her mouth.


• Kyle understands Meera has different cries and is pretty good at identifying them.




• The staff at St. Lukes is wonderful.


• The staff at St. Lukes pretty much takes it in stride when K & O "walk" around the place (walking = skipping as to avoid "running").


• K & O both love the adjustable hospital bed.


• K & O are both super sensitive with mommy's belly.


• Meera has the sweetest baby smell and her skin is so soft.

Heather is truly a wonder. And I am not just being subjective. Heather labored for 9 hours on pitocin without any pain killers. No epidural, no codeine, no nothing. Just breathing and relaxing. During labor, the nurse asked her what her pain was from 1-10. Heather said a 6. Both the Doctor and the nurse looked askance and the nurse said: "I can't tell you what you're feeling of course, but most women right now would be screaming." Heather replied: "I am waiting for it to get really bad." The Doctor chimed in "well, I think this is about as bad as it will be."

She wound up going to plan C (where plan A was natural, plan B was induced): cesarean. I witnessed the whole thing, and it was something no words can describe. Note, I am not posting those pictures here.

Heather is recovering beautifully. She's up and about, dressed in her own clothes and we're hoping to be discharged today.

She's here!

We are joyful and thrilled, Meera Grace Johnson-McCormick has joined the world!

Born at 10:21 PM EDT on 5/28/08
Weight: 8 lbs, 4 oz
Length: 19"

Both baby and mom are doing great, Kyle and Owen are ecstatic and Papi is overjoyed!

Moving forward and signing off - for now...

So - we're here at the hospital! The plan is for Heather to be induced tomorrow morning, and they have things starting tonight.

The next time we sign on - it'll hopefully be with news and a picture!

More of the same.

No baby.

We have an OB appointment today, so we'll see. It's only two days until it's 42 weeks.

Poor Heather is in a state of misery. She is beyond ready for the baby to be here. We all are, but she is the one with the baby in her belly and no control over getting this show on the road.

Status Update

Still nothing.

Status Update

Still no baby.
I was having mild contractions (not Braxton Hicks, but not severe/intense) every 15 minutes for most of yesterday afternoon and evening. We were trying not to get our hopes up. Good thing, because we went to bed last night... and then... nothing. As of today -- 10 days past due date.

Status Update

Still nothin'!

I was having contractions every 15 minutes yesterday afternoon and evening. Went to bed. And then... nothing.

It's 6:00 AM, we know where our baby is...

Still "in mommy's belly" with no signs of emerging any time soon.

9 days overdue and counting.

Status Update

8 days past due date. Still no baby.
I've crossed some sort of threshold and now I'm pretty miserable.

One Week Since Due Date

Time keeps on tickin' tickin' tickin' into the future...

Here I am just a few minutes ago, one week overdue. Hopefully this is the last in the baby bump series.

Not much left to do but wait. In mid-February, after getting back from our trip to Florida, we realized that with only 3 months left to go we really should start getting ready for baby. Before then we'd done nothing. Literally nothing. So we made the TO-DO BEFORE MAY 15 list. Which morphed into the TO-DO BEFORE MAY 15 lists. Four of them, to be precise. When I look at what we've accomplished in the past 3 months -- on top of holding down the fort, holding down the careers, holding down the rambunctious twinados, and holding down Baby Sister... well, honestly, it amazes even me. The crossed off items range from "Set up maternity/paternity leaves" to "Buy new car (that can hold 3 kids)" to "Get crib from attic" to "Plan K & O's 4th BDay Party" to "Buy diapers." There are maybe 4-5 things that haven't been crossed off, but the rest is done.

On a lighter note: Strawberry season is upon us here in Pennsylvania. The strawberries are ripe and ready at all of our local farms. We've been eating them by the quart for the past 5 days. It makes me really happy to think that our girl will be born at the height of strawberry season!

Baby Sister's Room

Weighing In on Braydon's Post

The preggo one here... just weighing in. Couldn't help but comment on Braydon's post from earlier today (see post below this one)...

• #4 sounds really good to me right now. I could really really really go for some good chicken parm. But the drive to Brooklyn isn't worth it to me.
• No offense to all of you who have gone this route but... as far as I'm concerned... #5 is absolutely positively out of the question. I'm way sore and way achy with lots of pressure 'down there.' No other comment on that. Just not going to happen. No matter what. No way Jose. Not that desperate. Not 'gonna happen. Period.
• And re: #13 -- again, no offense to all of you who swear by it.. but... um, no. I'm having a hard enough time already with the whole concept of machine operated pumping. Yes, we have a breast pump. Yes, I plan on using it. P.B. (post birth). Braydon's read the instruction manual cover to cover. If all goes as planned I'm gonna do it - for the sake of B, K, O, and Baby Sister (I/we dearly want Papi and Big Brothers to be able to feed her)... but pumping is not happening until she's here to (hopefully) motivate me to plug in and hook up. Period.
• My favorite question I get all the time: "Have you tried walking?" ~~ Uh, yeah. I have wild high octane just-turned-4 year old twin boys... I haven't ever stopped walking/running/jumping/pulling/grabbing/scurrying/bending/leaning/climbing/chasing!?!!!

My goal all along has been to go as natural as possible. I'm still clinging to that goal. I'm holding out as long as possible to use induction only as a last resort. Luckily I've got my doctors and my husband on my side with that. I am still hopeful that Baby Sister will come when she's ready -- in her own sweet time. And as the matriarch of this testosterone filled house... I 'gotta admit: There's a part of me that's kinda enjoying watching my three guys go nutso having to wait for this girl (who clearly has a mind of her own)! Get used to it my fellas -- I have a feeling she's 'gonna have all three of you wrapped around her pretty little finger (and waiting for/on her) for many years to come!!!!

Some of the suggestions we've heard....

Now that Heather is overdue by 6 days, we've been hearing lots of great comments and suggestions around why the baby is late, the state of the baby, what other people's experiences have been and suggestions on how to bring on labor faster. A few are below. Would love to hear any others too!

1. She's very comfortable in there
2. She's going to be well baked
3. The full moon induces labor
4. If you eat chicken Parmesan from a specific restaurant in Brooklyn it induces labor within 30 minutes [that seems a bit risky to me]
5. Sex will induce labor
6. Hiking will induce labor
7. Turns out that lots and lots of people were "late". [Which makes me wonder, if so many people are late, does that mean that really other people are early?]
8. Don't listen to the doctors
9. Listen to the doctors
10. Take a hot shower, or get into a bath.
11. Girls are always late
12. Girls are always early
13. Using the breast pump will start labor / stimulate the nipples
14. Jump on a trampoline
15. Ride on a bumpy road
16. Drink castor oil [yuck!]
17. Drink raspberry leaf tea
18. Drink rose hips tea
19. You're going to have to be induced
20. You won't have to be induced

The doctor said it's a complex interplay of hormones between the mother, the placenta and the baby. They all have to work together to start labor. Needless to say, while informative, that does nothing to help with getting the ball rolling.

Status Update

The full moon has come and gone. Still no baby.