Kyle Rides His Bike

A Question From Kyle

Tonight before reading bedtime books Kyle was talking on and on about when he was "a little baby." This is a theme lately for K & O -- I assume it is some sort of developmental stage; they are very consumed with thinking about what they were like as babies and how much they've grown. They know that they were adopted by us when they were "eight months old!" and often talk about what they were like at that age, etc. I said, "Ky Ky, do you want to see a picture of you when you were eight months old?!" "Yes!" he said (of course he's seen these pictures a million times but K & O never grow bored of them). We looked at a couple of the framed photos in his room -- a picture of our family when we were coming home from Haiti, and a picture of K & O when they were little babies in the orphanage. He was very interested in it all, so I brought out a little album that we keep in Kyle's room- an album of photos from when the boys were in the orphanage. As we were looking at the album (for the millionth time this year, but again, the boys never grow bored of it), Owen came and joined us too. The boys are recently very interested in the photos of the nannies at the orphanage, and want to know all about how the nannies took care of them "while our family waited and waited and waited for the adoption to be done." K & O don't like to call them "Nannies" because for them, their "Nanny" is Alex. So, we call them "Orphanage Nannies." We have several photos of different Orphanage Nannies feeding the boys bottles and holding the boys. K & O were deeply fascinated by these particular photos tonight. Then Kyle, who has never previously requested any specific information about his adoption or pre-adoption experience (neither K nor O ever has) asked very pointedly to "see a picture when I was in the lady's belly" (to see a photo of when he was in his birthmother's belly). I instantly felt heart broken that I didn't have such a photo. I never would have expected I'd feel this way, but I did. I just felt so badly that I could not fulfill this one (and first) very simple request from my son. It is not too much for him to ask. He simply wants to see a photo of his birthmother when she was pregnant with him. I told him that I was very sorry, but that I didn't have a photo of that. It felt like a black hole. I never would have thought I'd feel this strongly about such a little thing, but I did. It just feels like there are these pieces missing that create a void that I will never be able to fill. I said, "Do you want to know what that lady is called? It is your birthmother. Not your mother, but your birthmother." His eyes glazed over. This was not the information he asked for. It couldn't suffice. And I knew it. Why try to make up for it? The moment was lost. I couldn't give him what he wanted (needed?). I kissed him on the cheek and told him again how very sorry I am that I don't have a photo of when he was in his birthmother's belly.

Arizona

I'm finally getting a chance to post photos from our trip to Arizona. We went as a tenure celebration for me. It was my gift to have K, O, and Braydon --and my parents-- all in one place enjoying the good life for a few days together. It was, for me, the perfect way to celebrate. Sun, sun, and more sun. Just the best weather and company. We stayed in a glorious villa that was just perfectly set up for the six of us. And it was smack in the middle of a great resort. The place was absolutely stunning. And the many, many pools were to die for. Including... waterfalls, fountains, a "Lazy River" (a long winding 'river' pool that you can float on tubes on) - Kyle's favorite, and a full-blown waterslide - Owen's favorite. We ate great food (lots of Southwest & Mexican), drank pina coladas & margaritas (although, alas, too many of them were virgin -- but, oh well), I got to take plenty of naps, and everyone just enjoyed. We took a couple of beautiful desert hikes. A major memory-moment of the trip was when Owen got 'attacked' by a crazy cactus called a Jumping Cholla (click here). If any of you have had a run-in with one of these before, then you can imagine the scene. Luckily another hiker had a pair of tweezers to lend us and we were able to pull all of the cactus prickers out of our boy's belly. Not pretty and not a warm fuzzy feeling for a 3 year old on vacation. He recovered almost immediately, though, and we spent much of the rest of the trip talking about it over and over and over with K & O, who were, understandably obsessed with jumping chollas from that point onward (they're still talking about jumping chollas multiple times a day). Another major memory of this trip was, of course, that we were there during the World Series... the BOSTON RED SOX in the World Series. We listened on the car radio as the Red Sox won it while we were heading home from the Philadelphia airport. The boys now have a deeper appreciation for all things Red Sox. Nothing can bond a grandfather and his grandsons more than experiencing the Red Sox winning the World Series together (well, at least not this grandfather and these grandsons). And I can't finish this post without at least mentioning that having my mother on vacation with us was, for K & O, like having two vacations wrapped up into one. She obliged their every whim, including macaroni and cheese, hundreds of trips to the potty, and playing in the pool non-stop. The boys loved the airports, and the plane flights, and the rental car, and the villa bathtub, and the resort, and, and, and, and, and. They just all-around love travelling--- every single part of it. It was cool for me to have my parents' witness firsthand that special part of my boys. All in all, just a great time had by all. I'm posting about a zillion photos. I don't expect they'll all interest everyone, but mainly I'm posting them for my folks.

Arizona Photos I

Arizona Photos II

Arizona Photos III

Halloween 2007

Happy Halloween!

Last night was a smashing success for Thing 1 and Thing 2, of course!

We're Back!

We were in Arizona for a few-day-vaca. This trip was especially special since it was our first vacation with MorMor and MorFar! All six of us flew out early Thursday morning. We returned early Monday morning. It was a fabulous trip! Highlights included hikes in the desert and mega-swimming-pools at the resort. Will post more when I find some minutes to blog. Happy Halloween y'all!!!

Little Blogging Break

We're going to take a little blogging break. We'll be back in action early next week.
Catch ya later y'all!
H, B, K, O

A Twin Thing

This morning on a whim Braydon put Owen on our new digital scale. He weighs 40.4 pounds. Then he put Kyle on the scale. He weighs 40.4 pounds. I know they are twins and all, but the exact same weight??? It just seems remarkable.

Random Photos from the Past Few Days

Quote of the Day: "Excuse Me..."

For an explanation of why we still allow Owen to use a pacifier, click here

Owen continues to be completely 100% unselfconscious of being 3+ years old and still using a pacifier. At this point he has only 2 left (all others have gotten lost, broken, or just disappeared over time). The 2 he has left are very old and don't even work very well anymore, but as much as we're willing to let this paci thing continue we aren't going to actively support the habit by actually buying him any new ones. He only uses the paci when he sleeps at night. But just recently we've noticed that Owen might be finally showing signs of starting to give up the paci even for that. For the past couple of weeks we've seen that he'll suck like crazy on his paci as he's drifting into sleep, but by the time we check in on him before we go to bed his paci is long dropped out of his mouth, he's sucking his thumb (so now we have two thumb suckers!), and he seems to sleep the rest of the night without the pacifier. Since he seems to be showing signs of letting go of the paci, yesterday we decided that we should start helping him officially move in that direction. So, last night, unbenounced to him, after Owen fell asleep, we found his paci in his bed and put it on his bedside table, out of his reach. All was good and the night was peaceful. ...Then... very early this morning we're all sleeping soundly and the house is silent and pitch dark. Completely out of the blue I jolt upright in bed to Owen's voice -- saying very calmly and very clearly and very loudly (not yelling or shouting, but definitely loud enough to hear throughout the house): "Excuse me?! Excuse me mommy and papi?! Excuse me?!" Braydon bolted into his room trying to get there before Owen woke up his brother. As soon as Braydon opened the door to Owen's room I hear: "Excuse me papi?! Can you please help me find my paci?!"

This Post Has No Title III

for prior posts in this vein click here

Over the past week or so Braydon and I have had a series of encounters with overt racism. Of course we encounter various forms of racism regularly. Nevertheless, that doesn't make it easy. It is horrifying. Racism has always been something that has horrified me. But it takes on a new level of horror when you're raising black children. I remember talking about this once with a black friend of mine. He told me that racism had always been the dark side of life for him, but when he became a father racism was suddenly in "all caps" (racism became RACISM). Not being black myself, I surely don't even know the half of it. But I'll go out on a limb and say that as a mother, racism is no longer racism... it is RACISM. It screams out at me. It shakes me at the core. It sends me into that crazed-hyper-protective-mother-bear-mode that makes it hard to sleep at night. I hate it. "How can I protect them?" I keep asking myself. And the answer just pounds back every time, slamming me into its wall: "I can't protect them." It feels like an inescapable disease that I can't keep at bay from my babies' tiny lungs -- no matter what I do, they will breathe that air, that sickness will flow in, I cannot keep them from catching it. I think of that After School Special I saw in 4th grade-- 'The Boy in the Bubble.' Surely there is some sort of hygienic protective place where I could hide them so they don't have to be exposed to this? But no, there is not. No such place exists. So, here we are. Trying to live our lives amidst this. We do our best to cope, to let it roll off us whenever possible, to get up and keep going. The looks and stares and inappropriate questions/comments/statements are manageable. But when you take a few heavy hits right in a row, it is hard to not feel weighted down by it.

Toward the End of October 2007

Since finding out that the Lehigh University Board of Trustees voted to approve my tenure and promotion I have felt kind of zonked. It does not feel anti-climatic to me, it just feels like a big sigh of relief. I have a desire to just enjoy the simple things of life and let everything else go -- at least for the time being. For the past few days we've sort of been gliding here. Letting dishes and laundry and messes pile up. Letting the To-Do Lists just grow longer. Letting the blog go without updating. Letting life pass us by, in a good way. The passing of time is something so interesting. So often we mourn it. But in this phase of our life here, I'm thinking of all the good wrapped up in it. Time passing is not always bad. Time passed is a good thing when you're just on the other side of the tenure hurdle. That hurdle had been looming for a solid 12 years for Braydon and me. It is a good thing - that passing of time. We feel a huge sense of accomplishment and relief that it is over. I've also been thinking about the goodness in the passing of time a lot in terms of K & O for this whole past month. The month of October is an important one in our family. In 2005 October marked K & O's 'hump month' --- that month they passed a mile-marker in their lives: just as much time spent out of the orphanage as in it. By the end of October 2005 they had been out of the orphanage over 8 months... longer than the the 8 months they had spent in. It was a big deal. Our social worker had told us that it would take as long 'out' as they had been 'in' before we'd see a lot of their post-traumatic shock behaviors resolve. In the case of K & O it was true, almost to the precise day. By the beginning of November all of the heavy-duty issues were gone, our boys were happy and content virtually all the time, and it was clear to us that our family was fully bonded. Now, with October 2007 barrelling along, I have been thinking of that time two years ago. And I've been thinking a lot about how good the passing of time is. Of course I miss the little babies, and then the toddlers, that K & O once were. But these past several days I've been thinking about how happy I am that they are who they are now. K & O are 3 years and 5 months old right now. Here are just a few of the things I adore about them as they are today:

• they go to bed with relative ease, and sleep through the night almost always
• we can go to a relatively nice restaurant and be pretty confident they'll behave very well
• they play together every day like inseparable best of brothers
• they love their school and they already have formed a very strong group of friends from school
• they can't even consider going to sleep without their loveys
• regularly they tell me that I'm "beautiful"; tell Braydon that he's "so funny"; and tell us that we're "the best mommy and the best papi in the whole world"
• they love babies and talk about babies every day; they can't stand to hear any baby cry
• they eat us out of house and home
• their twinship is just as strong as it has been since we've met them
• their imagination is running wild, 24 x 7
• they regularly invite people (friends from school, neighbors, random strangers) to their birthday party, even though May 8 is many months away
• their favorite thing in the world is to jump on an airplane and go somewhere -- anywhere
• they are soooo happy sooooo much of the time
• they still have no real clue whatsoever what tenure is all about