Brief Notes on the Balancing Act

I've been back at work now for five weeks. While I was on maternity leave I never forgot for a single moment just how tough the whole balancing act is-- getting a break from it was so nice. But now, for better or for worse, I'm right back in the thick of it.

• I've been a Mother-With-A-Career for four years now and I still feel like I'm just barely getting by with this whole work-family balancing act. Balancing act?! I don't personally know anyone who is actually *balancing* it. And that (lack of models of it) is a big problem in and of itself. I have no clue how to do this well. And so it goes.
• I will say, though, that the past five weeks have been the best yet of the past four. And there is one reason why. One word: MARGIE. Oh. My. God. It is sooooo goooooood. Granted, we're surly still in some sort of honeymoon period -- and I have no illusions that it will last forever (flaws in the whole thing will surely be revealed down the road). But right now... Oh. My. God. She has single-handedly changed my life for the much, much better. In fact, I am sorta starting to think of it as life "Pre Margie" vs. life "With Margie." Dear Lord, please don't ever let her leave us. #1 all three kids are bonding with her so nicely and coming to love her so much, and vice versa. Meera has yet to cry when I leave her to go to work. And when Margie goes home at the end of the day Kyle and Owen hug and kiss her like they aren't going to see her ever again (even though she'll be back the next day). We do "high/low" at dinner each night (going around the table, every person has to say a 'high' and a 'low' of their day), and each day this week at least one of the boys have said that their 'high' was "When Margie was here" and their 'low' was "When Margie went home." #2 she holds the homestead together while we're away each day. And she holds it together much, much better than when/if we are actually home without her (i.e., the weekends)! We come home after work to a clean, happy, centered household. She has taken over our life. In a good way. And she runs the house like a finely tuned, well oiled, smoothly functioning machine (which is a lot more than I can say for my own house-running abilities). I cannot get over it. Seriously. Braydon and I both admitted to each other last night that we feel like we're going to cry if we think about it too much. It is a deep deep deep sense of relief. #3 somehow, miraculously I believe, we're on the same wavelength. She 'gets' what we're tying to do, and she's right on board. My only concern is that it just continues to send up red flags because it feel too good to be true. #4 Yet again, that old lesson has been re-learned by me, like it has been over and over and over again. I shoulda listened to my mother. She told me years ago, before we even brought the boys home, that we needed a Nanny (with a capital "N"). She knew we needed a Margie and she has brought it up with me repeatedly over the years. Did I listen? No. Bad girl I am. I should have listened. And now I have listened, and of course, MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT. #5 Still, though... I am glad to have had four years "Pre Margie" because it helps me to appreciate this now, and it helps me to know what other kinds of arrangements actually feel like. There are pro's and con's to them all. And I'm glad to know, first-hand, the in's and out's of some of them. Plus, wonderful people like Alex would not have been in the boys' life had we done the full blown Nanny route years ago.
• By far the hardest part of the whole equation continues to be getting dinner on the table at the end of the day. When I get home after work K & O are happy to see me. But M is thrilled to see me. She jumps, squeals, laughs, claps, smiles-smiles-smiles, rubs her face all over mine, and squeezes me tight. She wants to be held by me. And only me. Braydon will not do. She'll cry if I give her to him. She wants to be held by me. Understandably. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it. There's nothing better in the world than coming home to that. And I want to hold her. But it is very hard to hold her and make dinner -- especially since dinner needs to be on the table in 30 minutes or less from the time I walk in the door. Getting dinner made, at all, is a major feat. But getting dinner made, while trying to hold a bouncing baby girl (literally, bouncing in delight), is nearly impossible. Somehow we're eating, but it is crazy-hard. That is the hardest part. And yet, I wouldn't change it for the world either... because there is nothing like coming home to that baby girl jumping to get into my arms. Thank heaven for this little girl.



• This morning, while we were all getting ready for work/school, I found Kyle sucking his thumb and staring out the window. I got down on my knees next to him and whispered, "What are you thinking Ky Ky?" He looked at me, and said, with his thumb still partially in his mouth, "I don't like Margie days." Trying to appear calm and relaxed (while my heart started to BLEED), I said, "Why not?" He said, "Because I just like Mommy days." O.k. then. 1,000 daggers through the heart would be preferable. Just go ahead and rip my heart right out of my chest. Heaven help me.
• Valentines Day. O.k., that is a whole other holiday when you've got young kids in school. It takes the romance right out of it, that's for sure. At least for a working mom. Let me tell you. This week, on top of everything else, I needed to somehow accomplish the whole V-Day thing. Which includes making valentines for all their classmates. Given that they are in separate classrooms, and teachers need valentines too, we're talking 34 valentines right there. Plus a few to put in the mail to their non-school friends (who they expressed a sincere need to send valentines to this year). And yes, we choose to send them to a Waldorf school. Yes, that is our choice. Yes. But... it means handmade valentines. Nothing less will do. So it goes. And then there's the note sent home on Monday: "Please remember that on Friday we'll be having our party, and each child should bring a treat to share." Again, yes, Waldorf is our choice. So, I shouldn't complain about the work involved. And I try not to. But that translates to: Mama Baking Goodies From Scratch. Store-bought cookies are not an option. Per Kyle's request (read: begging and pleading), I agreed to make muffins. So, I just took 4 dozen mini muffins out of the oven. Blueberry Muffins for Kyle's class. Chocolate Chip Muffins for Owen's class. From scratch made from ingredients even a Waldorf school will appreciate. Most importantly, though, K & O will appreciate it. Much more than most 4 year olds would. It is so worth it. And so... call me crazy... but, I do it. I will admit, though, that at the end of a long work day... it is just a lot.
• At the end of the day, I'm happy. And I'm also exhausted. EXHAUSTED.

Anyhoo... What's posted here is just the very tippity tip tip tip of the iceberg. But like all good working mothers, I don't have nearly enough time to do this subject justice. And that, my friends, is a big part of the problem-- those of us actually doing it (in particular, I believe, the career&mommy gig ~~ building-maintaining-strategizing-a-full-blown-long-term-career while also being a real-intimately-involved-emotionally-connected-truly-present Mom), well, those of us actually doing it simply don't have the time or energy to give this subject the time and energy it would require to convey its true complexities to others. And so it goes.

For The Aunties

Miss Meera Fashionista~~

Here she is sporting Auntie Sabrina's Christmas present

Here she is again, stylin' in her Christmas present from Auntie Stina

:)

Photo of the Day

M's Feetsies

Food Intake

I don't write much about my boys' food intake. It isn't that I purposefully avoid the subject, it is just that the subject is kinda boring for me at this point. The subject, of course, being: the huge amount of food that they consume. I mean, it is just always the same old thing: "Oh good golly!!?! They eat sooooooooo much!!!!!!!" It has been like this from Day One with them. They have always eaten a ton. Especially now, with Meera being about the age K & O were when we brought them home, the comparisons are always looming. She eats very well, and she eats plenty (just look at any photo of her and you'll see that she's not lacking in the chub department, that's for sure!!!)... but compared to Kyle and Owen... she eats like a bird. At first, for obvious reasons (i.e., malnourishment), our baby boys just couldn't get enough. They'd eat and eat and eat and then pound down a full 8 ounce bottle of formula like it was nothing. People who witnessed it would be astounded, just watching in shock as these tiny babies ate more than you could imagine. I remember calling our pediatrician when the boys were about 11 or 12 months old (one of many phone calls about their food intake), asking her, "How many bananas should I let Kyle eat per day?" She ended up giving no limit (that was her philosophy and it worked well for us), and neither boy ever once ate so much that they threw up (although that was astounding and shocking in itself if you could see how much they'd sometimes ingest). But there were a few months there, from about age 11 months to about age 15 months, when I was buying bananas in bulk each week because Kyle was averaging 3-4 bananas per day. And Owen wasn't too far behind him. You do the math. (That's a lot of bananas.) Anyhoo.... they are now 4 1/2 years old, and, although I'm quite accustomed to the insanity that is the food-production-project for them (note: I am the sole food provider/preparer for the family, Braydon does none of it. Also note: I do not do laundry. ever.), there are still times when even I am truly astounded. Last night was one of them. During dinner, Kyle singlehandedly ate an entire 16 oz bag of baby carrots (with nothing on them, simply steamed). That is in addition to a nice size piece of fish, a huge helping of rice, and some spinach salad. The rest of us ate not one carrot. He ate all of them. He had seconds, thirds, fourths, and then finally just pulled the serving bowl over next to his plate and started just eating them straight from the bowl. Until none were left. And Owen... last night Owen ate so much fish I kinda felt sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I know how much I bought (a full 2 pounds), and I know how much Kyle, Braydon, and I ate (I dished it out). Thus, I know that Owen ate at least 3/4 pound (if not a full pound) of fresh tilapia. Granted, I prepared it his favorite way (blackened, with lemon butter sauce). But still. That is a lot of fish for a little boy. Especially when you consider he had thirds on the spinach salad, ate a mound of rice, and a big chunk of bread heavily slathered with butter. Seriously, whenever I get on this topic, I always circle 'round to the same thing: If they eat like this now, what on earth will they be eating when they're 16??? (and more to the point: how on earth will I keep up with them from the kitchen?!??) But don't get me wrong-- The Kyle-Owen-food-production-project is a problem that I love. There is nothing better than watching my boys devour a meal that I just cooked up at the end of a day. I'm pretty sure I'll feel the same way as I do now when they're 16.

The Five Of Us Are Happiest When...

...We're Out For A Walk Together...

"Earning It" - Giggleberry Fair

A couple of months ago we finally caved in to the whole sticker-chart-parenting-rage and started to experiment with it here in the J-M home (the only other time I've blogged about it was here). Like every other parent in the universe already knew, we have discovered that the system works pretty darn well. We never did this for potty training or anything else, but now we're dabbling in using it for bedtime when need be (i.e., you get to choose a sticker and stick it on your chart the next morning if you go to bed nicely with no tantrums, no goofing-off-with-your-brother, no calling-us-back-into-your-room-a-million-times-after-we've-tucked-you-in, etc.). We call them "earning charts" and K & O are way into "earning it." What they are working toward earning is determined by them (within reason, of course--- "going on a big jet plane to Africa," for example [which they have suggested multiple times as what they want to work toward earning], is not within reason. A couple weeks ago we started new Bedtime Earning Charts and the agreed upon thing-to-earn was a trip to Giggleberry Fair (click here; the boys absolutely love this place and we very rarely go). We set it up so that they'd have to do good behavior at bedtime for 13 bedtimes in a row to earn Giggleberry Fair. 13 in a row is by far their longest earning charts yet. And truth be told, I never in a million years imagined they'd actually be able to pull it off. Especially not both of them (Owen has always, always his whole, whole life hated bedtime and has forever pulled every trick in the book to get out of it). But sure enough, would you believe it?!, they both did it. 13 bedtimes in a row of near-perfect behavior. Sweet, smooth, easy, peasy bedtimes for 13 nights in a row. SHOCKER! So, we had to follow through. Giggleberry Fair it was. We went on Saturday. Icing on the cake was that we invited Zoe (and her moms) too -- which just made the whole thing even more fun for K & O (and definitely more fun for H & B). We love getting together with the Petsch family... even in a hyper-over-stimulating-environment and even when you feel like you might puke (from riding the merry-go-round a hundred times in a row). Now, seriously, that's good friends! They always get to their blog before we do (oh how we love you L & S!!! you are such better bloggers than us!!!!!!!) -- you can read their post here. Here are a few photos from our camera:

Date Night

Our beloved Alex came last night to babysit so that Braydon and I could go out for dinner for a long overdue date night. We try to do date nights pretty regularly -- and always have -- but for the past few months Little Miss has been cramping our style. So we were especially happy to get out together alone. And K & O were very happy to have Alex come last night. When I first announced the plan to them, however, they were pretty perturbed. They were annoyed that Mommy and Papi were going out to a restaurant without them (since they love restaurants so much). I explained (like I always do) that Mommy and Papi love each other very much and we need to be able to have some "alone time" together every once in a while, just us, nobody else. "Plus," I said, "we're going to a Grown Up Restaurant." I had never tagged that part on the end before and it caught their attention. "Oh!" said Kyle, "a Grown Up Restaurant? Only grown ups are allowed there?" "That's right," I said. "They don't let kids go there?" asked Owen. "Not really," I said. (We were going to our favorite wintertime date night restaurant, Blue, and it genuinely is not a kid-friendly restaurant). This concept -- of a "Grown Up Restaurant" -- seemed to make the whole idea of us going out without them more palatable. Pondering this new idea, Kyle asked, "What do they have there?" [meaning what kind of food] But before I could answer he quickly jumped in, "Wait, I know, it is a caffeine restaurant, right Mama? They have caffeine there." Owen chimed right in: "Yes! That's right Kyle, it is a caffeine restaurant! Caffeine and wine. Right Mommy?" I said, "Yup!" And that was it. From that point on there was no complaining about us going out without them. By the time Alex arrived they were waving us out the door to go get our caffeine and wine. ;0

Meera at 6:45

K & O's Latest Twinspeak

• a "headbird" = a quarter (as in the coin; not 'heads or tails' but 'head or bird')
• a "flying sausage" = a flying saucer (as in the type of sled)
• a "barracuda" = a big wave (as in 'the big kahuna')
• an "invitation party" = a party that you get invited to via a formal, on-paper, invitation
• a "big crunch" = a big chunk of parmesan cheese (note: parmesan cheese only; if speaking of any other type of cheese --or any other of anything for that matter-- they say, a "big chunk")
• "lickitty" (as in, "Let's make it lickitty!") = to stir up your ice cream until it is liquidy/soupy

(for a couple examples of other posts on K & O's twinspeak click here and here)

Snowy Days

Drop off redux

This morning we had a two hour snow delay for school.  We got about 4 inches of wet snow. In New England this would be a joke, but here it's not. And honestly, I was slipping all over the road.  Of course, the boys had insisted we take the back way, so maybe that was it.  Or maybe it was that we were playing "On the road again" at full volume and singing along. Who knows.  

But on days like this, it's extra, above normal, a little more challenging to get both of them into school, their coats off, their "indoor shoes" on, and kissed and into their classroom.  To be fair, it's always challenging.   But on days like today it's just a bit "more". Here is a normal example in the hall way:

Me:  K & O, get your coats off, boots off, and in-door shoes on please [note that they are in different classrooms and down the hall from one another - adding to the fun]

O (acting like a monkey):  hooo hoooo ha ha ha ha (while toddling off like a penguin). 

Then he disappears into some other classroom.  I go and pick him up and his legs and he sticks his legs and arms out and says "Look!  I'm and 'X'!"  His body in the shape of an X, while I walk down the crowded hall with people laughing.  Fortunately that was pretty funny - although when this kind of thing happens 10 times before you leave and every day you drop off, it does get a little tiring.

However, recently Kyle has been pushing that he wants to be dropped off at the front door of the school "like the big kids".  Owen is right there with him on this one. They are really into it.

So, I have been using this as an incentive to help them get ready and into their classrooms. If they do a good job consistently, then they will be able to be dropped off and I will park and come in to check on them. In typical driven Kyle fashion, he is singularly focused on doing it.  To the extent that he won't even let me help with his shoes, even when the tongues get stuck down into the toes of the shoes and he can barely put them on.

Owen does not remember as well what the stakes are.  So, today I reminded him while he was acting like a monkey.  And this is what transpired:

Me:  O - please get yourself ready now and go into class.  And remember, if you want to be dropped off like the big kids you need to do a good job.  

I go on to help Kyle a bit and return.  Owen is sitting doing an excellent job getting ready.  I sit down next to him.  He climbs into my lap and with just a little twinkle in his eye says:

O:  "Papi, my sillies are broken today."  and then sprightly:

O: "Ok, Bye!"  and hops down and runs into his class.

Birdwatching

MorMor Visits

MorMor was here for five sleeps. Five sleeps = five glorious days of help and camaraderie. Anyone who has been reading this blog for awhile knows about MorMor's visits. Having her here cuts our work in half (at least) and doubles our laughs (at least). Mostly the work involves her doing tons of things around here that we don't even know need to be done (seriously). Mostly the laughs involve us cracking up at how insane it is around here all the time (seriously). Seeing our life through her eyes makes us laugh our tushes off round the clock. She's let in as a true insider (so she sees it all), and yet having her here allows us to see the craziness-that-is-our-life through the eyes of an outsider-looking-in. It is hard to explain. I don't think I do our life justice on this blog. I don't think I'm able to represent just how CRAZY --in so many ways, on so many levels-- it really is around here. The stuff that goes on is just off the wall. You've just gotta see it to believe it. And MorMor sees it. So we laugh and laugh (or else we cry).
Anyway~~~ this trip involved much sewing. Ever since they started at the Waldorf school the fall before last, K & O have an inability to keep a pair of pants longer than 3 months MAX without getting holes in the knees. I am not kidding. We cannot get a pair of pants to last longer than about 12 weeks. So MorMor brought her sewing machine this time to patch up ten (count them, TEN!!!!!!!!!!) pair of K & O's pants. I've tried just about every brand of boys' pants on the market. They are not tough enough for these boys. MorMor wants to try Carhart next -- and she plans to buy some pants to test out ASAP. We shall see. In the meantime, she was patching up knees like you wouldn't believe. While she was at it, she gave the boys their first sewing lessons. Now that was interesting (we laughed and we cried during that one).

She cooks for us too whenever she's here. I know, I know, we are beyond lucky. One of the things she made this time was lamb stew. The boys loved it. Kyle, in particular. He devoured his first bowl and then enthusiastically requested that he have "lamb suet" (he insisted on calling it 'lamb suet' instead of 'lamb stew'.... ??????) in his lunch at school the next day. And he ate every last drop from his thermos at school (and believe me, I packed a lot in there). Lamb suet was a huge winner!!!!!!! (Among lots of other things she cooked too). Whenever MorMor's here, though, the big excitement where food is concerned (at least for K & O) is ICE CREAM. Lots of ice cream eating goes on when MorMor's here (and pretty much only when MorMor is here). This time, MorMor gave Meera her very first ice cream. I have pictures of MorMor feeding K & O their very first ice cream too, when they were babies. Meera didn't like it nearly as much as I remember the boys liking it. But she'll learn to love it. MorMor will be sure of that.

Oh, and did I mention... when she's here she sets up office in the guest room and MAINTAINS HER JOB TOO??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, she's the original, the best, the *real* SUPERMOM.

MorFar came for just the last night of the visit. Here he is with his boys (after playing baseball in the driveway, of course).

They left this morning. We are sad. And now we're back to twice as much work (at least), and only half as many laughs (at least). Luckily for us, that is still a lot of laughs and we have skype (and have already chatted on it once tonight).