Open Book Answers - Part 9 (by Heather)

Topics: Dreadlocks and Students

Tim & Sarah said... We are in the process of adopting our boy from Haiti. I am just dying to know exactly how you got your boys hair to look so good, from beginning to now. They are the cutest boys, and this is what my husband and I want to do with our son. I am a therapist and my husband is a fire fighter..... What do you all do for a living? If you prefer to email me about the boys hair, my mail is ___. Hope to hear from you soon. Love, Sarah in Indiana!
Sarah--- HI! I have to tell you: thank you so much for the compliments about the boys’ hair. As a white mom the hair is a huge, huge deal. HUGE learning curve, and HUGE huge huge HUGE ‘thing’ in the way the black community interacts with us. I’ll take any compliments I can get. So, thank you. :0 In March I did a huge post about the boys’ hair (CLICK HERE FOR THE DREADLOCKS POST) I have been wanting to update that, though---- because since the beginning of this summer we have completely 100% changed our hair routine. We are now almost exclusively using Carol’s Daughter products and man, oh man, oh man! This stuff is awesome. It is expensive, but it is like liquid (or cream!) GOLD. The loc butter is the best. But we love it all (and are using everything at this point -- from their shampoos to their hair oils and their hair balm). Can’t say enough about it. Check it out at: http://www.carolsdaughter.com/
Sarah, see answer below – go ahead and email me if you want to talk more about locs.
What we do for a living – I (Heather) = sociology professor. Braydon = currently starting his own business AND working full time as a technology executive for a fortune 50 company.

Michelle said... I have a 10 month old African American daughter who was adopted last October. We are seriously considering locs for our daughter and, like Sarah, we'd love to hear how you started and maintained your sons' hairstyles. Also -- I would love to hear how you are bringing their birthculture into their lives.
Michelle, See answer above re: hair. If you want to talk more about hair, definitely email hbj2 (at) lehigh (dot) edu. I am happy to talk about the pro’s and con’s of locs for kids. Re: bringing K & O’s birthculture into their lives… it feels (to me) like we can never do enough in this area. It feels like a black hole that can never be really filled… it just seems like I can never feel satisfied with doing enough for them in this way. Anyway—we have lots and lots of Haitian art around our house, including in the boys’ rooms. We also have photographs on the walls and in photo books that are all over the place. We have been pointing this stuff out to the boys on a regular basis since day 1. They know what’s from “Haiti” and will show it to other people who are visiting our home. We also have quite a lot of Haitian and Caribbean music that we play, and a couple kids’ books and coffee table books that we look at and read with them regularly. We travel to the Caribbean once a year in the spring and make a huge deal out of it—that we are “so close to Haiti!” etc. We also try to get the boys together with other Haitian or Haitian-American folks (including kids). Whenever we hear about events in the area – concerts, performances, festivals, etc. we go out of our way to try to attend them. Those are some of the things we do. We’re working hard to do the best we can. But again, I just feel like we are never doing enough.

Marnie said... I love hearing about K and O and so appreciate your perspective on the ephemeral nature of parenting young children. It reminds me to slow down and enjoy every moment. I would love to hear a bit more about hair too- I am debating styles for my son and K and O's locs are so gorgeous. Did you decide to do it for cultural reasons?
Marnie, thank you so much for the compliment re: “ephemeral nature” – that means so, so, so much to me. Thank you. Re: locs -- see two answers above (and go ahead and email me if you want). We decided to do dreadlocks in part for cultural reasons. See the post from March. If you want to discuss this more, be in touch!

Hi Heather!My friends/other students at Lehigh/kids in our past Intro recitations and I have been wondering this for awhile now. People asked ME this question at Lehigh ALL THE TIME! I don't know why they thought I would know the answer to it!! I WISH I knew the answer, so hopefully, this is my chance to find it out!!The question is: How are you SO energetic and enthusiastic at home, in the classroom, at social events, etc., etc.??? How can you come into the room completely filled with energy when EVERYONE knows how crazy your life is??? Do you sleep?? Do you do drugs?? We all know you drink a LOT of coffee, but is that REALLY ENOUGH??? The only time I have seen you truly look tired was during the adoption process--which I think speaks to the real pain you guys went though...ANYWAY, please answer so we can all figure out how to find this secret energy!!!Miss you SO SO SO much!!!! Lots of love (from Chicago!!)Maggie

Hi Maggie. I love ya! O.k., here goes-- I just am SO energetic and enthusiastic at home, in the classroom, at social events, etc. because that is just SO me. That's just how I am. There is really no hidden secret or anything. The honest truth is that I just have a ton of energy. Always have. I am a naturally energetic person. Sometimes I'm slow and sluggish, but mostly not. I pop out of bed in the morning ready to go on most days. I have a lot to be excited about-- my life is awesome and there is so much to it. I don't have time to be down in the dumps! ;) My life is crazy, but I do make a point to -- as you say -- "come into the room completely filled with energy when EVERYONE knows how crazy your life is" (I'm glad you perceive me that way, because I do try to do that for people)... I want people to always feel that I have time for them, that they are important, that I am 100% there, not distracted. My parents sort of taught me that through example. They were always very buys, but always had/have time for every individual (including me), and I think that is incredibly important. Do I sleep??---> yes, but not a lot! I need 6-7 hours consisently, but I can manage on 5. Re: drugs --- no I don't do drugs. This is the truth: I've never done drugs. Ever. Never even been seriously tempted. I'm very lucky that way. I have absolutely no desire for it. Yes, I do drink coffee, but not a lot (one cup in the a.m., one cup in the afternoon). And no, that that is REALLY NOT ENOUGH!!! But I try to keep it to 2 cups because otherwise I'm jittery! You are right: the only time you (and most Lehigh people) have seen me truly look tired was during the adoption process -- I was very depressed during that time -- and yes, you're right: it speaks to the real pain we went though. Maggie, I miss you SO SO SO much too!!!!

Anonymous said... Hi. I'm a Lehigh alum. My question is do you feel uncomfortable knowing that a student (like me if I was still in college) could potentially find your blog??? I love to know about your home life because I always respected you so much as a professor and as a woman to look up to, but I wonder if you ever feel uncomfortable about the idea that anyone could "find" you and see you not as a Professor (like on campus you are so professional and so respected etc. in a powerful kind of way) but as a mother and everything. You don't have to answer (and I'm not saying who I am), but I'd like to know if you would be willing to answer. Thank you for being a role model. from a former student.

Hi whoever you are!!!! I am quite aware that my students at Lehigh (and my professional colleagues anywhere/everywhere) could be reading this blog at any time. I think that I'm at a point in my life where I'm self-confident enough to put myself out there. I put out there what I'm o.k. with the world knowing about me. There is tons we don't put on this blog. Tons. We keep a lot to ourselves. This blog just skims the surface of us. But I'm comfortable with people knowing me in this way. I take mentoring extremely seriously. I also take role modeling extremely seriously. I believe that is a huge part of my job and I'm aware that it is part of my day-to-day life. I think that at this point in history it is very, very important for college-age students (female AND MALE) to have more examples of the REAL DEAL of working women and two-career families. I have nothing to hide (for the most part!!! LOL!!!), and I am comfortable knowing that the glossy illusion of Easy-Breezy-Beautiful-glossy-frosty-Lady is smashed via having a little glimpse into my 'real' life. I think students should know that I'm not effortlessly perfect. I'm not perfect (let alone effortlessly!!!) at all. I think they should know that I have a real 'life'... they should know that I'm a real person who experiences real things. I don't always wear make-up, I have a human body, I stress over what to have for dinner, my kids act up, life is chaotic, I fight with my husband. It is all part of life. That's all good in my mind. Illusions and distance and fretting-over-intimacy is soooo not what I am about! As a sociologist, I know many people are interested in my parenting -- specifically given the race dimensions of my situation. I don't put a lot on this blog relative to all that I'm living. But I am comfortable knowing that people can and do read this. If it helps people in some way (any way), then that's great. I have a couple students at Lehigh right now who I know are regular readers. When I see them in the classroom I'm totally o.k. with it. Life is complicated. And it is good for all of us when we can bridge the barriers and see each other more intimately. Thanks for reading, whoever you are!!!