Owen and Kyle are loving life (and living their lives) at the pool, yet again, this summer. They've only been out of school for just over a week -- and so far they've spent the vast majority of that time at the pool. This time of year Braydon and I ask ourselves daily what we'd do without the pool. We know what we'd do: we'd be wishing for a pool. For the sake of our boys (and for the sake of our sanity) we're so grateful to have this pool, especially this year.
Well, believe it or not, today has been a great day so far. I'm still sick as a dog, but feeling a bit better than yesterday. Kyle and Owen have been --miraculously-- absolutely perfect (well, as close to perfect as they're ever gonna get)! Meera has --miraculously-- been eating and sleeping beautifully! Once he got past the depression of leaving, Braydon got off to work just fine this morning. And Alex, our lifesaver Nanny, has ensured a fun summer day for K & O. After three days of misery it has been a wonderful surprise to have a really smooth and good day (so far). Sometimes (the past few days) life throws us punches. And sometimes (today) we get roses.
We're here... barely. We've been completely off-line for the past few days. Sorry to our readers that we've been MIA in the blogosphere. I hate not blogging because I feel like I'm missing out on my own processing/journaling and also because I feel like I'm leaving all these important days somehow undocumented. But late Thursday night I started coming down with a yucky bad sick thing. Very feverish with high fever all day Friday. My OB put me immediately on an antibiotic. But it was not anything related to my c-section or breast-feeding. Saturday and today I've had a terrible bad flu bug-- congested, achy all over, sore throat, headache, the whole nine yards. As if the whole newborn-nursing24x7-twinados-transition2PartyOf5-CsectionRecovery-thing wasn't enough. So here we are: Blogless (and sleepless) in Pennsylvania. Braydon and I are surviving... but barely. The boys are hanging in there o.k. (I'll put it this way: we have our high points and we have our low points), all things considered. Meera is eating like a champ (good for baby; rough for Mommy) -- but is having some trouble sleeping (rough for all parties involved). Braydon goes back to work tomorrow... which is deeply depressing on every level. So, there you have it. I'm hoping that at some point soon I'll figure out how to find time to blog. As they say, 'this too shall pass.' In the meantime... the truth is... we're struggling.
Very hard to find time to write these past few days... but at least I can post some photos. It is hard to capture these moments of these days. These pics don't do it justice. But they at least give a glimpse.
We've been home with Meera for one week now as a family of five (or, as my college roommate Jen called it -- a "Party of Five" -- Hi Jen! I love that--- "Party of Five"). The week has gone better than I had expected, especially since having a c-section. But I wouldn't go so far as to say the week has been entirely a "party" per se. ;0 Meera is an awesome baby. I had prayed and prayed for a mellow baby and I am giving thanks that --- so far at least, knock on wood --- I seem to have received what I prayed for. Meera and I are nursing well, which is what I'm most grateful for. I had read three breastfeeding books cover to cover during my pregnancy and talked to as many of my friends as possible about it. I was more worried about breastfeeding than I was about labor/delivery. I worked hard with Meera (and the breastfeeding specialists) those first few days in the hospital and I've got to say -- it has all paid off. Still, being confined to a chair and nursing for hours on end (it often feels like that's all I'm doing 24x7) is not exactly my style. It is hard for me to sit still, let alone for soooooo much of the day/night (I am not a sit-still person). But alas, that's life with a nursing newborn. It is what it is. Meera sleeps well, and when she is awake Meera is calm, cool, and contented most of the time. The only exception seems to be when I eat potato chips. I've eaten them twice in the past week--- with horrible results in Meera's demeanor. This is a huge bummer, since I love potato chips. I had tried to not eat them much during my pregnancy (I worked so hard to eat healthy), and was so looking forward to indulging in them post-delivery. But eating them is definitely not worth the fussies/crankies/screaming fits that come as the consequence. So, no more chips for me... at least not for a good while. Meera is amazingly good at putting up with her brothers' antics. They hug her too tight and hold her too much and slobber her with kisses too often and zerbert her belly with way too much gusto (not to mention cover her butt with layer upon layer of "bum bum cream" at diaper changes). They also bang their drums and blow their trumpets while marching circles around her ("Marching Band! For Baby Meera!!!!!"), and they yelp and scream and shout and sing and have tantrums without any respect for a newborn infant in the house. Meera takes it all in stride. Thank God. She can sleep through just about anything --including twin 4 year olds banging the piano within 2 feet of her downstair's crib. It is quite something to see actually. Really. Anyway, she's a dang good baby. Most of the time. I have my post-pregnancy-hormonal, deeply-sleep-deprived, c-section-recovering moments of watery blubbery slobbery meltdowns a couple times a day... sobbing and crying in Braydon's arms in total despair (sometimes because I just can't fathom how on earth we're going to manage all of this... and sometimes because I am just overwrought with adoration for this precious new little being in my arms). Braydon is a rock and handles it perfectly. He also is really good at burping the baby (she needs to burp a lot). He also has been a MASTER at keeping K & O busy, happy, and pre-occupied so as to give the baby girl space to just be with her Mama for some chunks of time each day. I'd say that overall, it is all good. Delirious (both in the good sense and the bad sense), but overall... good.
Meera's First Pool Day
Kisses
...to change a baby's diaper????...
:)
In her first week of life, I have changed Meera's diaper exactly 3 times, and have dressed her precisely once. The males of the J-M house are all over those duties -- round the clock. Important note regarding K & O on baby duty: by far their favorite part of baby care is the application of diaper-rash-cream during diaper changes... there surely has never been a baby in the history of human existence to have more diaper-rash-cream all over her bottom at any given time than Miss Meera Grace.
Guest Blog Post from MorFar – The Birth of Meera
by Don Johnson on the occasion of the birth of his granddaughter Meera
It is truly an honor and a privilege to be so close to the beginning of life for another human being. I’m sure that the witness of this miracle is even more intensively emotional when the person giving birth is my daughter and the person whose life is beginning is my granddaughter.
One of the truths that this experience has reaffirmed is that there’s very little in life that we can be sure of; and even less that we have control over. The plan for MorMor (Janet) and I has been that as soon as and whenever labor was to have begun, we would get in the car and drive for 8 hours from our home in New Hampshire to Pennsylvania. It was a commitment we were happy to make because of the honor of being invited into the process in such a profound way.
So when the report from Heather’s doctor visit on April 28 was that it could be any day now – our bags were packed and our night ears sensitized for middle of the night phone calls. It almost seemed like we were working round the clock to get our work obligations completed ahead of schedule for the next few weeks. We were ready!
As we have all learned, Meera was not ready. We went to Pennsylvania for Kyle and Owen’s fabulous birthday party on May 5. We returned to NH so we could be with our granddaughter Sadie’s birthday party in Maine on May 10. Surely Meera would arrive by her May 15 due date but where was she? I called off a work trip to South Carolina scheduled for May 19-21 so I could be here in NH with MorMor when the call came – convinced that the extra gravitation of the full moon would beckon Meera into this world. We started to joke around that maybe Heather was faking it for who knows what reason and then we started to think that maybe we shouldn’t joke around anymore. Finally it was May 24, Memorial Day Weekend, and we made the trip to PA without a phone call in the middle of the night. This sure wasn’t the frantic departure in the night as we planned it – it turned out to be a nice leisurely trip to PA without the urgency of an any-minute-now birth.
Never did it cross my mind that Heather’s intention of a totally natural childbirth experience was not going to happen.
After the 3-day weekend, we had a great Tuesday afternoon with Kyle and Owen when Heather and Braydon were at the doctor appointment. But it did seem like they were at the doctor’s for an extended amount of time. When they returned to their home to tell us that they would be checking into the hospital at 8 that night for the induction process to begin – that’s when things started to really seem a little surreal. Inducing – that’s not how Heather had planned it.
Heather and Braydon put the twins to bed and shortly thereafter headed off to the hospital. Nobody had planned it this way. How come it wasn’t happening the way it was planned?
May 28 dawned pretty normal – for us. Kyle and Owen got up, wondered where their parents were (even though they were fully apprised the night before), and Janet brought them to pre-school while I got caught up on some work details. We went out to lunch, knowing that Kyle and Owen would be picked up from school by Alex, their Nanny. A call to Braydon informed us that things were moving slowly at the hospital and allowed us to find out what he wanted us to bring him for lunch. Janet and I arrived at the hospital around 2 pm.
You know how on Christmas Day you lose all track of time because no matter which day it falls on, there’s no other day like it – it’s not Monday or Thursday or Saturday or Sunday – it’s Christmas. May 28, from 2 pm on, was like that – totally swept up by what was happening in Room 304 of St. Luke’s Hospital. It was like no other day. I’m pretty sure Heather will agree with that.
Now I’m not one to stick around a whole lot when someone is going through lots of pain and/or distress, especially when that person happens to be my beloved daughter. Give me a support role and I’ll take it hands down. So I surprised myself a little that I spent so much time in the labor room. Most of the reason for that is that Heather endured several hours of serious labor in very stoic fashion – it was quite amazing as I now look back on it. I tried to divert attention by chit chatting about absolutely nothing and I’m still not sure of that serving any redeemable function. And of all the people in that room – Heather, Braydon, Janet, nurses, etc. – I know I’m the one who achieved most familiarity with the hospital gift shop, cafeteria, corridors, and maternity section waiting room. I was the volunteer and very eager gofer for whatever anyone needed and I could easily manufacture the needs of others when what was happening in room 304 necessitated a relaxation of my daughter’s modesty – there’s no way I needed to be witness to that.
Those hours of labor were indeed tedious and slow-moving. So when I was fetched from the waiting room with the news that the doctor had decided that it would be best to do a C-Section, I was relieved. And when I went to the room to see Heather before she got rolled into the OR, there was noticeable relief coming from her direction as well. I was there when the anesthetist explained what would be happening and witnessed his attempt at humor when he asked Heather if she preferred to go to the OR by walking or on the gurney. He sure did a double-take when she said, “sure, I’ll walk”.
It’s one of the most vivid images that will always be with me. I’m now at the end of the corridor, waiting to see Heather get rolled into the OR. The door from Room 304 opens, and out comes the entourage. Heather leading the way, shuffling down the corridor as pregnant as anyone can physically be; Braydon at one arm, right beside her; a nurse, pushing the IV stand, on the other side and one step behind; a student physician, right behind her; all followed by another nurse, rolling the gurney that Heather was supposed to be riding on. It was amazing! Heather Beth Johnson marching triumphantly to the operating room. That was at about 10:00 pm.
After all the waiting (a month’s worth) it was almost a surprise to see a nurse come down the corridor, rolling a baby on whatever they roll babies on, Braydon right behind, smiling and as proud as could be. They stopped to let Janet and I take a look and observe that Meera had a great pair of lungs and also all of her fingers and toes, and then into the nursery. We just stood outside staring into the nursery at Meera in amazement and wonder and awe with the miracle of new life. It is truly one of the most emotionally and spiritually stimulating experiences of my life.
And it was a relief to talk briefly with Heather as she went from the OR to the Recovery Room. Yes, this time she was being rolled on the gurney. It’s not how we envisioned that it would be happening. The whole experience is a reminder that as much as we try, we aren’t in control.
If there is a sequel to this story, it might be the total sense of gratification and love that I experienced on the day after Meera and Heather came home from the hospital. Not once but twice having Meera fall asleep in my arms and stay there so contentedly for at least a couple of hours each time. I sense that there’s a lifelong bond beginning between Meera and MorFar – just exactly as I envisioned it!
Labels:
Baby Sister,
Guest Bloggers
Guest Blog Post from MorMor - HBJ's Pregnancy
by Janet Johnson on the occasion of the birth of her granddaughter Meera
September
Don and I were sound a sleep at our summer cottage on Lake Winnipesauke when the phone rang at 4 am one September morning. It was Heather “Mom, I’m pregnant.” She was so surprised and couldn’t believe it. Heather and Braydon had talked about another adoption and talked about a biological child but hadn’t decided yet – they just knew three kids was what they wanted. Well the decision was made for them! We were so excited!
October
We were scheduled to watch the boys at their home for a few days so Braydon and Heather could go off on a celebration trip for her getting tenure at Lehigh in the fall but they decided they shouldn’t leave the country because she was pregnant. So we got invited to join them in AZ for a long weekend and had a really great time. Talked a lot about what the new baby would be like, how the boys wanted a baby, race, family of 3, etc.
December
Everyone came home for Christmas and Heather’s belly was showing she was pregnant. She was beaming and beautiful! Braydon was watching her every move. What a change when she couldn’t drink the traditional Swedish Glogg and couldn’t eat the raw sill and dilled salmon! Heather was tired but otherwise feeling great. She didn’t ski or snow tube with us but enjoyed watching instead.
January
I remember my visit and thinking oh my, how will Heather ever handle it all, being a professor, wife, mother of three (two who are extremely active), cook, chauffeur, and organizer of all. Braydon was showing signs of feeling extra pressure to provide financially as well as emotionally. They needed cars for 3 car seats, newborn “stuff”, baby’s room furniture, fixing up a guest room, financial planning for the future, etc.
March
I came for a few days to watch Kyle while Owen had his surgery and to generally help out. Heather was acting very normal; being pregnant didn’t slow her down a bit. Full of energy, caring for the boys, planning for Meera, all of it. A few days later we all met in Worcester for Easter and had a great weekend. Heather although visibly pregnant didn’t act any different. She handles pregnancy so well – maybe she should have more children??!!
April
After a work trip in southern PA I visited for a few days. H + B got to check off a few things on their massive list with a trip to IKEA and Baby’s R Us. I took home curtains to shorten, made a quilt, and covered a few pillows all in pinks!! The anticipation was building for baby sister’s arrival. H + B were talking a lot with the boys about what to expect with the arrival of baby sister. In the Johnson tradition there is always a lot of talking about things so everyone knows what to expect. The plan for Meera’s arrival right down to Alex coming during the night (didn’t happen she picked them up from school) to MorMor and MorFar coming when baby Meera was going to arrive (didn’t happen we came early), to driving home all together in the “black” car (did happen) was discussed completely! The boys were prepared.
May 2
We came prepared to stay a while (just in case) for the twins birthday party and had a great visit. We left for NH thinking it would be just a few days until we got the call to return!
May 10
We were able to celebrate our granddaughter Sadie’s birthday with all her friends in Maine May 10. All four of our grandchildren have May birthdays!
May 11
Don gave me a fourth emerald bootie for my grandmother necklace for Mother’s Day. We began our daily routine of emptying of the trash, buying food for one day at a time, keeping the suitcase by the door, keeping the car filed with gas, lawns mowed, house clean, laundry done, office work kept up, etc. We were waiting for a call and NO CALL CAME!
May 24
We finally said “we are coming anyway” and can at least help cook, clean and pass the time!
May 27
H + B come home from the doctor and tell us they are to be at the hospital at 8 pm because she needs to be induced. Two weeks is as long as the doctor will let her go after the due date. I felt badly because I knew how important it was to Heather not to have any drugs in her body and how much she wanted a natural birth. H + B explain to the boys what is going on and in true Johnson-McCormick fashion the twins go with the flow. MorMor and MorFar are there and they love us and feel comfortable with us. In true HBJ fashion she cooked the family’s favorite pasta dish (and doubled it so there would be leftovers) for dinner! They put the boys to bed, Heather took a shower and they left for the hospital. The baby would be coming soon now.
May 28
Braydon calls in the morning that the induction process had begun and we can come anytime. We get the boys off to school, arrange for Alex to pick them up and head to the hospital. Heather handles the contractions so well. By late afternoon, early evening the doctor says she is in active labor and the pain is as bad as it will get. He offers an epidural, she refuses it, she’s so strong it’s unbelievable. During contractions she doesn’t yell out at all, she looks at a focal point and listens and responds to Braydon’s voice. The thing I will remember most of this time is how much in love Braydon and Heather are. How together they are. How Heather trusts Braydon so completely that she did everything he asks. He’d say “Let your jaw drop Heather, relax your shoulders” and she did. They are as if just one person at times and this was one of them. It was a gift for me to watch. When the monitor lost the baby’s heartbeat and they took her off the pitosin and contractions slowed to almost nothing the doctor said she’d done as much as she could and she needed to have a c-section. It was 10 pm Wednesday night. Because she’d had no pain meds she walked with Braydon to the operating room. It was the funniest thing to see her walking down the hall to the operating room! Braydon was dressed in scrubs, camera in hand of course, walking with her. Don and I sat waiting for just about 25 minutes and out came the nurse from the operating room with Braydon and Meera. What a beautiful baby. Pure happiness, she is here, relief it is over and everyone is ok, the miracle of birth, new life, faith in God, family, mother and father, brothers, sister. Braydon went into the nursery with Meera and we watched through the window as he put his head down next to her and talked to her, held her hand, rubbed her head, cried with joy. Next came the line of doctors with Heather on a stretcher coming from the operating room. The doctor told us Heather has a misshaped pelvis and she couldn’t have given birth without the caesarean. Thank God for good doctors and timely decisions. We have a beautiful granddaughter who has wonderful parents and loving brothers who will forever watch over their little sister I’m sure. Baby Meera is here!
June 2
We leave for NH knowing Meera is a beautiful and very good baby, nursing is going perfectly well, the boys are happy to have their parents back, Braydon has family leave and can do everything and anything, we’ve left a few days food for them to eat, the house is clean, laundry done, the weather is beautiful. Life is just waiting for fun and playing and good times for the Johnson-McCormick family of five.
Post note:
At this same time of new life and pure happiness for our family my sister and her family are experiencing the worst time of their lives. My niece, Karen, age 35 with 2 children ages 2 ½ and 5 has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer. Please pray for Karen and her family. Although the diagnosis not good we believe there is always hope and we believe God is good and miracles do happen.
~MorMor
Labels:
Baby Sister,
Guest Bloggers
These days at the Johnson-McCormick Homestead it feels like it is all about Us, Us, Us, Us, Us (and/or all about Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera)... sometimes it is hard for us to remember... there's a whole big world out there happening. ;-0 And a small little piece of that world is the status of life here in the country we reside in. So, just to be sure that we remember a tiny bit of what else was going on during this time...
Here's the good news & the bad news (from our particular perspective, of course):
P.S. Don't worry, I plan to post about Us, Us, Us, Us, Us (and Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera, Meera) later. At 10:21 tonight Meera will be one week old and my birth experience will be one week behind me. I've taken some time away from the blog to bond with my baby and sort out my thoughts and feelings. But you'll be hearing from me soon!
Labels:
Baby Sister
Other than what she heard when they rolled her by the stereo in the new born unit, Meera has not heard a lot of music. Here are her firsts:
Papi singing "Swedish Lullaby". A beautiful version of this can be found here.
"Cherry" by Abdullah Ibrahim Trio, a great African inspired Jazz piece.
"Got the world on a string" Jazz standard by Diana Krall, apropos I think.
"Shake your tail feather" by the Cheetah Girls (with two wild K & O's dancing like mad men).
"Stir it up" by Bob Marley. The original is still the best. This is our "Family Song" and it was exciting for K & O to play it for M for the first time this morning.
"Big brother song." From the back of the "I'm going to be a big brother." Heather and I did not even know this had a CD, so when Kyle got it out, put it in the CD Player, and started singing along with it and dancing to show off to Meera (he knew all the words, so obviously he has been listening to this for awhile now-- unbeknownst to us), we were pretty suprised and delighted.
Labels:
Baby Sister
"Home can heal. There is healing in home." ~Maya Angelou
We're noticing many things about ourselves as a family in the first couple days that we're home with baby Meera. Many emotional things. Many good things and some not so good; all just us.
There is an old Russian proverb that "only other people's children are ugly." And I suspect that is true. And I am sure that everyone who has had children, biologically or through adoption has felt what I heard Heather say a few minutes ago. But when you feel this way, it just doesn't matter that every parent does:
Heather: "[sobbing] I didn't expect to love her this much, I just didn't. She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I don't want her to ever be more than five days old."
There is infinite hope in the future for Meera, there is boundless love for this little being new to the earth. There is fear, there is joy, there is pressure and relief. It all happens at the same time. And so far, in the short years that we have been parents, we've realized this is what it means to love that deeply.
***
We adopted first by choice, we didn't try to have a child biologically first. That was, and is, our belief and our philosophy (which are different things) and we do our best (not always successful) to live out our beliefs. We live our life in hope and it shapes our decisions daily.
Now that we have Meera, we're reflecting in ways that daily life usually prevents. It makes us recall when we adopted K & O and how we felt then. It reveals our deepest inner selves about our inadequacies and wants. It makes us look at ourselves and see the flaws and strengths. When we adopted K & O I had the adoption blues and struggled, but Heather felt the same way then for them as she does now for Meera. Now we love Meera so strongly that we question our sanity.
It makes us notice the differences and the similarities in love for Kyle, for Owen and for Meera. It makes us aware of the strength of our own feelings and the power of love. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. Heather now is remembering that as well. We have made a family in the most amazing of ways, and it has many different parts to its emotional life.
This family has newness and oldness, it has goodness and the remeberance of pain. It contains our hopes, our fears our passion, our love, healing, desires and needs. It's also a rocking good time.
We have made this.
"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." ~Martin Luther King Junior
Labels:
Adoption,
Baby Sister
Labels:
Baby Sister
