Owen's "Owie Innie Button"

We went to the hospital early Wednesday morning. Owen was excited to get his "innie belly button." But he was nervous and anxious too. In the car on the way to the hospital Owen said, "Mommy, I miss home." We got settled in our hospital room and Owen was a perfect patient throughout.

As the nurses prepared him for surgery, they gave him something to make him get calm and groggy. He did not like the way the "bad medicine" made him feel. Braydon and I could stay with him right up until they rolled him into the O.R. As they took him off he was groggily leaning back around the rolling bed, waving and saying "bye bye" to Braydon and I. I could have just fallen into a heap of a mess right there. As the nurse walked us back to Owen's room to wait for him she told us that she "wished she could give us some jello shots." That was interesting. But if truth be told, if she had offered us some, I would have happily slid down a bunch.

Post surgery recovery. Owen was not a happy camper. He wanted to be on my lap the entire time and wouldn't even move off enough for the nurses to take his blood pressure on his arm. He really did not like the IV. When he finally was coherent enough and brave enough he looked at his belly. He was thrilled that it was flat-- indicating to him that it was now the "innie" he had wanted.

Mid afternoon we came home from the hospital. Owen sat on the couch for the entire afternoon (unheard of). The only thing he really wanted to eat was popsicles. Which was just fine with us. Kyle and MorMor came home from being out running errands and brought Owen a book of mazes. This really cheered him up. (Lately his favorite thing to do is mazes.)

Later in the day Owen said, "I need a toy." He then asked Kyle to go to the playroom and get him a toy. Kyle ran off and returned with a toy airplane. We had no idea where this was leading. With airplane in hand, Owen pulled up his shirt and carefully rolled the airplane across the bandage and over his flat belly. Smiling he did this over and over again. Even though he was in quite a bit of pain, he just loved that it was flat. He then told Kyle that he needed "a truck, or a car." Kyle ran to the playroom and returned with a toy car for him. Owen rolled the car over his belly again and again and again.

Kyle was unbelievably amazing for the few days that followed. He played for long stretches alone (and/or with MorMor). He was happy and good. I am still surprised at how well he handled Owen being the center of attention.

Kyle was the perfect twin brother to have at your side during your post-operative recovery!

In the few days following Owens surgery, K & O surely watched more videos than they had ever watched, total, in their entire previous lives. They spent hours and hours snuggled up on the couch together watching Curious George and Wonder Pets.

Today, six days post surgery, Owen is having his first day with no pain medicine! The boys had a great breakfast together this morning and headed off to school as happy as can be. Friday we return to Dr. Chang's office for the removal of Owen's bandages and his post-operative check up.

Visit from G'amma, Uncle Guy, Auntie Sabrina

The weekend before last we had a visit from G'amma, Uncle Guy, and Auntie Sabrina. Sadly, we didn't have our new camera yet. But we had a good visit. K & O always love visits! And lately they are especially in love with Auntie Sabrina. It was a good weekend!

Parent Teacher Conference

Also on Friday the 14th we had K & O's Parent-Teacher Conference at River Valley Waldorf School. I'm not writing this to brag-- just to document it for K & O when they are older (if they are ever inclined to read this):
Dear Boys,
Your nursery school teacher, Miss Kathy, loves you. She thinks you are independently two of the most amazing boys ever. She says people are drawn to you and that you are "very special." And she also loves to watch your twinship. She's had many sets of twins in the years she's been teaching, but she says you are extra special twins to watch. She says you two are the "life of the class" and that you have "huge auras in the classroom and on the playground." She says that all the other children adore you and that you are the natural leaders of the group every single day. When you are absent from school the day is "quiet" and your "absence is so striking to everyone." She says that you are rarely in trouble. You are very social. You play well with all of the children and exclude no one (your Papi and I are most proud of this). You lead the group in vivid imaginary play... usually related to travel (LOL!). You turn over the table and turn it into an airplane. You get all the kids to "pack their bags" and "get ready for the trip." You all pile into the upside-down-table-plane, get your seats, and fasten your seat belts. Then you all fly off to distant destinations! Beaches! Desert! Snowy Mountains! It is always glorious and adventurous and exciting! Many of the other children have never actually been on a plane in real life-- but in class they are flying off all over the world everyday! ;) Miss Kathy thinks this is just a wonderful thing you're doing in class. You eat your snacks and your lunches very well. You love to be outside (she knows you well). You play separately at times during the day but always come back together in between. Often when together you play with another child too, so that there are three of you. Owen likes to play especially with the girls-- Stella and Lydia are constant companions. Kyle rotates from friend-to-friend, but Will remains a steady. You enjoy story time and song singing. She thinks you're way ahead of other kids your age in pretty much every way-- except for coloring/drawing (!!!). You still really don't like to color or draw and your skills show it! Basically, you're still just scribbling and showing no interest in doing much else. She's not worried about that though, and neither are we. You're going to graduate to the mixed-age-kindergarten (ages 4-5-6) for next year. You'll probably be the youngest kids in your class, but you'll love it because you really enjoy being with older kids. And Miss Kathy thinks you'll do just great. Your Papi and I kept waiting for the bad news. But there was none. Your Parent-Teacher Conference was just an hour of listening to how wonderful you boys are!

First Trip to the Dentist

The Friday before last we had K & O's first trip to the dentist! They loved it! They hopped right up into the chair-- first Kyle, then Owen. They opened wide. They got their teeth checked out and they each got full cleanings. Their favorite part was the dentist's chair-- they thought it was very cool that the chair could be put into all sorts of positions. The dentist let them hold a mirror so that they could watch what she was doing to their teeth-- they loved that too. Turns out they have great teeth! No cavities and no problems! Another aspect of their great genes. Another moment in which we give thanks for great birthparents! All in all, a great First Trip to the Dentist!

Owen's "Innie"

Wednesday morning Owen had surgery to repair his umbilical hernia. We have a terrific pediatric surgeon, Dr. Chang -- supposedly the best in the area -- and we were very confident going into it. The surgery went smoothly and Owen came out of it well. Dr. Chang had told us that Owen's was the largest umbilical hernia he'd ever seen. We were advised by the nurses after the surgery that Owen's post-op recovery would be a little rough simply because of the size of his hernia. He has had some up's and some down's over the past couple of days, but overall our boy has been such a TROOPER and true to form he rarely complains. He is instead very thrilled with his "innie." He had been asking us for an "innie belly button" for awhile now, and now he has it. I didn't realize just how important this was to him until after the surgery. As soon as he could feel that his belly was flat, he was ecstatic-- despite the pain he was in. He looks at it 100 times a day and is just absolutely thrilled with what he sees (even though right now there is a thick covering on it so he can't even actually see the belly button). Since Owen came home from the hospital Kyle too has been wearing a covering over his belly button (in his case a sticker that Owen brought home from the hospital for him). Kyle refuses to take off the sticker until Owen's bandages can come off. Owen seems pleased with that arrangement. ;0

Having your child go through surgery is never fun or easy. But Braydon and I experienced this surgery with Owen very similarly to how we experienced Kyle's surgery (to have his adenoids taken out and ear tubes put in) two years ago-- we are grateful first and foremost that our kids are as healthy and robust as they are... and secondly, we are profoundly grateful that we live in a part of the world that has such superb health care, and we feel incredibly grateful to be in the position to be able to access that health care for our children. It is hard, in moments like these, to not think of the 'what if's' (i.e., 'what if they hadn't gotten out of Haiti?'). On a smaller scale (yet huge nonetheless) we are also truly grateful that my mom was willing and able to come spend much of this week with us. She was a help beyond belief and we seriously don't know how we would have done this week without her. It has been a rough few days, but our focus has remained on all that we are grateful for. Which is a good way to go into Easter weekend. I've been neglecting the blog for the past week, I have lots to post about, and I promise that I'll get on the ball as soon as Easter is over.

Our new camera

So - after a number of questions about our new camera, this is the story.

We had wanted to "upgrade" for a while, and when bonus season came around and our camera bit the dust, we decided to do it.

I did a lot of online research and we ultimately went with the Nikon D40, with the included kit 18-55mm lens (28-80mm equiv). We also got the Nikon sb-600 flash (but it has not arrived yet). I suspect we're going to get the 18-200mm lens at a later date to give us more zoom.

It's easy to use, has an auto setting for Heather, is super light, and way way way way fast. Feels like instant on, instant taking a picture. There feels like no delay from when you click the shutter release to when the picture is taken. This is our first Digital SLR, so it's new for us to have such quality. Our previous camera (that's being repaired) is a Canon G7, which is a very good point and shoot - but there are delays when starting and taking pictures. We were ready to upgrade.

Our choice was between the Nikon D60, D80 and the Canon Rebel XTi. If we had wanted to spend twice as much, I would have gotten the D200, but we didn't. Those cameras have more megapixels than the D40, but since we're not making poster sized prints, we don't really need more than 6 (which is what the D40 has), and the D40 has better color and exposure quality than the D60 and D80. Not being a camera expert, that's what I read in reviews anyway.

I used these two sites to help with the research:

DPreview

Ken Rockwell

And we bought it at Circuit city. The prices online were comparable, and with no shipping, automatic 10% off on the flash and memory card, it simply came in at the best price. We also got the 2 year extended warranty, since our last 4 cameras have all broken within two years.


We're loving it so far.

Cameraless No More!

We got a camera! Here are some of Braydon's first shots with it (K in orange, O in green).

Today at Lowe's

Today we were at Lowe's to get a couple of things. Owen said he had to go potty-- badly, so I left Braydon to look for the item we were looking for, and I took off with the boys to find the bathroom. I was pushing a cart, Owen and Kyle were hanging off of either side of it. Quickly making my way down one long isle I could see two black women up ahead. One was middle age, the other older. They looked like mother and daughter. As I approached them I said, "Excuse me!" so that they'd move out of the way in order for us to pass by. They scooted to the side so that I could forge ahead, quickly through the isle. Just as we were passing by them Owen yells out: "Mommy! Those two ladies are black just like us!!!" I nodded to him and smiled. The two women tried to igore us. Again, now just barely past them, Owen yelled again: "MOMMY!!! THOSE TWO LADIES ARE BLACK! JUST LIKE US!!!!!!!" At this point the older women couldn't restrain herself any longer. She stepped back into the center of the isle, turned toward our cart, smiled huge, and waved to K & O. The boys smiled hugely back, and waved back to the nice lady, jumping up and down on the cart. I smiled and waved at her too as we made our way toward the bathroom.

Twingenuity

It never ceases to amaze me-- the stuff these twins of ours come up with!!! When left to their own devices their clever twinship is always awe-inspiring (and very entertaining!). These photos are from a few weeks ago when we were in Florida. The water fountain at a playground we were visiting was impossible for the boys to drink from alone (it was too tall and the button was too hard to press). But as always, when left to figure it out on their own, they quickly found the perfect twinny solution!

Conversations: Kyle re: Race

The four of us were out to lunch on Sunday. Sitting at the table in the restaurant we were talking about Baby Sister... (Note: right now, with K & O's understanding of babies growing in women's bellies and the concept of their birthmother just beginning to take shape, we've found through past experiences that it is simply too much information for them to grasp when we try to bring in the additional variable of their birthfather. So, we're focusing now on the birthmother and women's roles in reproduction--- and yes, obviously, this means that we're leaving out concepts related to bi-racial and multi-racial identity, etc... just for now. K & O play with kids at school who are bi-racial, and we have bi-racial family friends-- so our simplistic focus on birthmothers won't be a long phase... but for the time-being we've decided it is the best strategy for K & O.)

Kyle: My baby sister is going to look just like me. She will look just like me and Owen.
Heather: What do you mean?
K: She will have brown skin like us.
H: You think so?
K: Yes.
H: You know what Kyle? I want to tell you about something. Something important.
K: [Nodding; alert, attentive, and very curious]
H: Your baby sister is not going to have brown skin like you. Do you want to know why?
K: Why?
H: Because all people -- every every person -- has skin the same as the woman whose belly they grew in.
K: [Wide eyed and shocked]
H: That's right! That's what I want to tell you. Every baby that is born has the color skin of the woman who she is born from.
K: Oh!?
H: Yes, that's right. So, your baby sister will have skin like mine. Because she is growing in my belly.
K: Oh!
H: And that's why you and Owen have brown skin-- because you grew in your birthmother's belly-- and she had brown skin just like you.
K: Oh!
H: Your birthmother was very beautiful. She had beautiful brown skin. And that's how you and Owen got your beautiful brown skin.
K: Oh!
H: Do you understand?
K: That's right! My birthmother had brown skin just like me!
H: Yes!
K: And that's right!!! My baby sister will have skin just like you!
H: Yes! That's right!
K: YES! THAT'S RIGHT!!!

~~~

I pick the boys up from school on Wednesdays, but yesterday afternoon I needed to attend a meeting that I could not get out of. I arranged to bring the boys to Lehigh to hang out on campus with some black Lehigh students. One of my favorite students, Jessica, knows Kyle and Owen well. She was going to be the primary person responsible for them for a couple of hours while I was at the meeting. K, O, and I were driving in the car to meet Jessica on campus...

Kyle: I can't wait to see Jessica. I can't wait. She has brown skin just like me. And black hair.
Heather: I know! And she can't wait to see you either! This is going to be so exciting!
K: Yes! And fun!
H: Yes!
K: Who has brown skin like me?
H: What do you mean?
K: Who? Who has brown skin like me?
H: Jessica does.
K: Yes, but who else? Who else has brown skin like me?
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Very many.
K: Some or many?
H: Many.
K: Who looks like you Mommy?
H: You mean like my skin?
K: Yes.
H: Many people.
K: How many?
H: Many people. Many people have skin like me, and many people have skin like you.
K: Yes, that's right! Many people have brown skin like me, and many people have skin like you.

Top Ten: Great Board Books for Black Kids

1. Rain Feet

by Angela Johnson, illustrated by Rhonda Mitchell --

Kyle and Owen loved this book and often still talk about it when they are puddle jumping (which is often!)

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2. I Make Music

by Eloise Greenfield, illustrated by Jan Spivey Gilchrist --

This is one of the 'Black Butterfly Board Books' from Black Butterfly Children's Books; any in this series could easily make it onto this list!

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3. More More More Said the Baby: 3 Love Stories
words and illustrations by Vera B. Williams --
See the '2nd Story' entitled Little Pumpkin. Little Pumpkin is an adorable black toddler and his grandma is white!
*
4. Shake Shake Shake
words and illustrations by Andrea and Brian Pinkney --
K & O's absolute favorite book for a very long stretch of their early babyhood!
*
5. Everywhere Babies
by Susan Meyers, illustrated by Marla Frazee --
H & B's absolute favorite book for a long stretch of K & O's babyhood! This book is outstanding because of the multiple forms of diversity it's illustrations portray. The illustrations include not only racial diversity, but portray men as care givers, older people as care givers, gay and lesbian mommies and daddies, breast feeding and bottle feeding, twins (even a set of black twins!!!), etc.
*

6. Good Night Baby

by Cheryl Willis Hudson, illustrated by George Ford --

K & O still know the rhyming words of this book by heart.
*

7. Baby Dance

by Ann Taylor, illustrated by Marjorie van Heerden --

Totally totally awesome illustrations (the dad appears to have dreds or twists), and... importantly... a book that explicitly portrays black men/dads as loving and involved care-givers.
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8. a tie: Whistle for Willie and The Snowy Day

words and illustrations by Ezra Jack Keats --

Both of these classic Ezra Jack Keats books books are available as board books!

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9. Bear on a Bike

by Stella Blackstone, illustrated by Debbie Harter --

This book is still alive and active on our bookshelf. It continues to be a favorite of K & O even today at age three. Best part: the boy in the book is not only black but appears to have dreadlocks or twists/knots!!! P.S. This book is also awesome for families who like to travel! ;)

*

10. A Mother for Choco

words and illustrations by Keiko Kasza --

This classic adoption story book is available as a board book! The illustrations don't specifically portray blackness, but it is an astoundingly great book ~ a Must Have ~ for any inter-racial adoptive family!!!

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Note: This Top Ten List is limited to Board Books (i.e., those little durable books made specifically for babies/toddlers). Awhile ago I did a Top Ten List of our favorite regular books for young black kids (click here). Since that post several blog readers have asked me for a list of our favorite Board Books (thus this Top Ten Board Book post!)

Whatever it takes

We have always been highly motivated. This motivation comes from a variety of places, some external forces and some internal. Some sources are more influential than others and some are more comforting influences than others. But whatever the genesis of our motivation, the outcome is the same: we are driven.

This drive is not limited to any one thing, it cuts across everything. And it's not just driven to succeed in the traditional career sense. It's driven to be engaged in life fully. To find the daily experience that engages us, propels us and unites us. It is to be unequivocally moving forward, progressing, creating, and improving. To be a life force.

***

When we decided to adopt, we did our paper work, we went through the motions. And then, as many adoptive families have experienced, things came to a griding halt. At the end of 2004 things were bad in Haiti. Not that things are wonderful now, but that period was particularly bad. And we were adopting in the middle of it. Along with many other people. It was winter, and snowing here. It was falling apart.

The advice we received was to wait, to not rock the boat, to let things take their course. It would all pass and get done. But in our mind, each day, each minute, each second, our baby boys were getting older. They were not getting the love and care we could provide, that they needed. They were alive, and relatively healthy as far as orphans in Haiti go, but when your children are waiting, that is no comfort. Each moment was an eternity for us and although the boys didn't know, those moments slipping away were immeasurably valuable in so many ways.

Right or wrong as you may think, we took matters into our own hands. We called the head of Haitian social services. We called him daily. We called the Department of Homeland security daily. I connected with the DHS director for Latin American (who covers Haiti). We put the welfare of our children above all others. We were warned off by Haitians to not disrupt things, we were warned off by US services to not disrupt things. We pushed harder.

Things were hung up. Our paper work was not ready. Violence was erupting daily on the streets. It was chaos, there were concerns about over all country stability. We couldn't wait any longer. We bought plane tickets. We would not come home without our babies.

***

We arrived in PaP and Rock, the incredible man running the orphanage and facilitating things on the ground, picked us up at the airport. We could tell he didn't think much of us coming down here now, without everything complete and with the situation as it was. What did we expect to be able to accomplish. We gave him a wad of money and told him to use it to make things happen.

One day hours passed as we waited sitting in a steaming jeep in downtown PaP waiting for an Haitian ID to be finished. I had Owen in a front carrier, Heather had Kyle. We were all dehydrated and H and I fed the boys dried cheerios. Street vendors carrying their wares on tall sticks walked by hawking things at us. A woman cooked beans and rice in an aluminum pot over a rubber tire fire.

Before the ID was finished, shots rang out next to us. Everyone ducked, scattered; the streets cleared. Rock's cousin jammed the jeep into drive and sped off, counting all along the way: 10% safe, 20% safe, 50% safe, until we arrived at our UN protected, walled hotel where he said we were 80% safe. We found out we had the ID. Heather and I each drank two rum punches that night, I fell and bruised my bottom.

The next morning, the Haitian paper work was done, but we had to wrangle the US side to get visas. It was the day before Carnival and we were strongly advised by everyone to get out of the country before this particular Carnival. I called to get airline tickets - all flights were 100% booked. But sometimes, you can find the right person. Sometimes that right person hears you, connects with you and moves mountains for you. I found that person and we secured 4 tickets on the day Carnival starts.

We got into the jeep wearing our babies on our chests. The consulate had removed all non-essential personnel and was closing. Our facilitator had given up on getting the visas and told us we would have to wait until next week. We convinced him to head to the consulate anyway. Using his cell phone as we drove into PaP I got someone at the consulate. And then I got the right person who agreed to meet us before he was evacuated.

Our facilitator was clearly amazed. Owen and Kyle were sweating in the morning heat, pressed to our chests.

There were no US Marines at the consulate, only Haitian guards. We waited for a long time. There was a 3 year old Newsweek in the lobby. A Dartmouth grad came out to sign out paper work. We played the name game, it was really weird. We had the visas.

The last stop was Department of Homeland security. We were an hour late for our appointment. They had been sticklers about every detail. Eventually they let us in (there was a line out the door). In an amazing coincidence, the DHS Director for Latin American happened to be visiting Haiti that week. He saw our boys. There was a document still missing. We had the document but it needed something, I can't even remember what. He looked at us, he looked at the boys, he signed the document. We were ready to go.

Before we left, our facilitator said to us, "you have passion". That was his explanation for how we accomplished everything in a week. He was astounded.

Some people are highly critical of our decisions on how to go about doing things and how we did it. Some are bitter that we were able to get our kids faster. Some think the way we did it was right. After we came home, a number of communications came out that nobody under any circumstances should call the Haitian social services department. I am sorry if we caused any problems for anyone else.

***

This is how we live our life. Daily. Find the things that really matter.

Do whatever it takes.

Race Rising

This morning Kyle woke up early and was cuddling in bed with Braydon and I. It was just barely dawn when he first got into bed with us, we were dozing in and out of sleep, and it was silent in the house. We laid there like that for about 40 minutes. About 20 minutes into it Kyle broke the silence and said, "Mommy, there is someone else at my school with brown skin just like me."

It goes without saying that school decisions for families like ours are even more complicated than for most families (and for most families they are complicated enough to begin with). Braydon and I agonize over the research studies on black boys and education, we agonize over the options (or lack thereof) and we agonize over the prospects. It doesn't help that I know way too much about these subjects given my areas of focus within sociology. River Valley Waldorf School, where the boys are currently attending pre-school, is predominantly white. While it does have a bit of racial and ethnic diversity, K & O definitely stand out. Most of the non-white kids are not as dark-skinned as K & O. There are some Middle Eastern families, a few Asian and Hispanic/Latino folks, and a number of bi-racial (including black-white) kids in the school community. But from what we've seen, there is only one other family with skin as dark as, or darker than, K & O's. The daughter is in the kindergarten class, and although we've never met them we've seen them at school events and at pick-up and drop-off. I have conscientiously made a point of not pointing the little girl out to K & O. This is unusual for me because I tend to point these sorts of things out to them, casually mention race, and raise our family discussions about race on a very regular basis. But I have purposefully not wanted to do that at their school because I've been purposefully waiting for them to bring it up themselves when they are ready. We want their school to be their school -- a place that is their own social arena -- and so I've not wanted to put anything on it that might not be there organically for them. So, this morning's very poignant statement from Kyle is the first in-road to what will surely be many discussions about race-and/in-school for many years to come. Lying there in bed with the sun rising outside I had that sense (a sense that is somehow becoming familiar) that my boy was telling me something that was very important in that moment. Important in what ways? That is not at all clear. But important. Both important, and important to him. I had been waiting for this moment.

"Yes," I said, snuggling him closer, "I've seen her, she has beautiful brown skin just like you and Owen." He nodded, his thumb in his mouth, his honey bunny tight up to his face. "What is her name?" he asked. I said, "I don't know her name. Do you know her name?" And he said, "No." I said, "Is she in Miss Annie's class?" He nodded. "Well, next time you see her you should ask her, you can say, 'What is your name?'" He laid there, still. I said, "Ky Ky, do you want me to ask her for you?" He nodded vigorously. "O.k., I said. That's our plan. Next time we see her at your school I will ask her what her name is." "O.k." he said, satisfied. I said, "I think that girl is so pretty. And Ky Ky, I love your beautiful brown skin. I just love your skin." He smiled and cuddled closer. And then we all laid there, in the silence, until Owen woke up a while later and we started the day.

2 More From the Archives

The top photo is Owen with our cat Cooper. The bottom photo is Kyle with Braydon. So funny to see these photos now because the babies in the pictures are just little versions of the 3 year olds they are today. Owen still looks at Cooper with that exact same enamored-wild-loving-thrilled look on his face (and Cooper still looks at Owen just as bewildered today as he did then). And Kyle still sits at the piano with that same look of focused-contented-joyful-concentration (and Braydon still finds it irresistibly adorable when his little boy plays piano). I hate it that we are cameraless right now, but I am actually really enjoying the stroll down memory lane that the digging into the photo archives has forced. I wish I had been able to blog back then-- honestly, there was absolutely no way we could have (we were sooooo out straight and hanging on by a thread when the boys were that young; it was sooo exhausting)-- but I wish I could have written down so many of the details like I do now. It gives me solace to know that the memories are at least blogged about now. Somehow it feels comforting to know that time isn't just passing us by, but that somehow --instead-- we are able to capture at least some (a tiny fraction, sure, but at least it is some) of the moments here and there.

Golf clubs on the car

In July we bought a Ford Explorer. Used, but in great condition, not a scratch on it. The boys love it - it's the "Big Red Truck" for them. They love for me to drive on the grass, to go through big puddles, they love to start it (yes, I give them the keys and let them start it - I know it's nuts). I love the truck, I have always loved trucks, that's just the way it is.

K & O also love golf. They love their golf clubs. They love to hit the ball. They love their 5 woods (which is one with a large metal head). They also love to pretend their golf clubs are other things sometimes - a broom, a snow plow, a baseball bat - I am sure there are many others. They sometimes love to slam them on the ground.

The other day, K & O were pretending the golf clubs were the brushes they use at car washes. They decided to wash they truck with these brushes; these brushes that really happen to be golf clubs. They did this on the doors and the rear quarter panels. They did this up and down and side to side. Over and over.

I haven't taken a picture because I am still trying to not be angry. They did it to be nice - to wash the Big Red Truck. It just happens that golf clubs used as brushes create really big scratches in car paint.

"Where's My Twin?"

This morning we went to Bounce U with Joy Lin and her Mom and Dad. It was heaven for Kyle and Owen to be at Bounce U playing with Joy Lin. And Braydon and I had such a good time chatting with Chris and Lisa. One thing that is so great about getting together with another high-energy-and-full-of-life-kid-family is that you don't have to feel self-conscious about how high-energy-and-full-of-life your kid(s) is/are! You all just sort of understand each other in some way that feels really comfortable and special. It's really nice. Anyway, at one point Owen and Kyle lost track of each other (a rare thing). Owen ran up to Lisa and I and said to me, "Mommy, where is my twin???" I pointed to where Kyle and Joy Lin were, and Owen ran off to play with them. But this wording-- "my twin"-- was so striking to me. He didn't say, "Where is Kyle?" or "Where is my Ky Ky?" or "Where is my brother?" (all of which I've heard many times before), instead he said, "my twin." Of course being twins is a huge part of K & O's identities, they know that they are twins, they understand what twins are, etc... but I've never heard either of them use "my twin" to refer to the other. This was a first. And Owen said it so unconsciously, so unreflectively. "Where is my twin???"... somehow it just seemed so... I don't know... just so striking to hear Owen say that. I just can't even imagine what it would be like to be twins. I was thinking about it again when we were out to lunch. Eating our tacos and burritos and quesadillas the boys were fooling around with each other in their characteristic way. Braydon and I were just watching them carry on (as were most people in the restaurant), getting the biggest kick out of them. But we couldn't help but talk about what we talk about often when watching them interact--- there is something so unique about the way they are --as twins-- together. And then tonight at home I was thinking about it again as I watched them sit together watching their Curious George video. They were sitting right next to each other so that their entire sides of their bodies were touching. They always sit this way when watching a video. I watched as Kyle put his arm up and rested his elbow on Owen's shoulder, Kyle's hand touching the side of Owen's face. They sat that way for a long stretch, and I watched as Owen rubbed his cheek along Kyle's hand a couple of times -- neither of them the least bit bothered by the proximity, neither of them taking their eyes off of the t.v. Their twinship--- it is just not like any other relationship. I can't put words to it to describe it. But I have to say, that to be able to witness it so intimately, as Braydon and I get to do daily, makes for such a fascinating life. And it is such a wonder-filled blessing for us to be able to parent our twins.

2 Other Favorites From the Archives

Exploring Emotions: Snippets from Today's Conversations

Owen: Mommy, I played with Stella today at school. She is my friend.
Heather: Yes, she is your good friend.
Owen: Yes, and she is Kyle's friend too. Right Kyle?
Kyle: That's right. She is my friend. Mommy, can Stella come to my Birthday Party?
H: Yes, she can.
K: I told Stella she can come to my birthday party.
H: Oh, good!
O: And we went to Stella's Ballerina Dancing birthday party yesterday. We did that, right Mommy?
H: Yes, that's right.
K: When we did that I felt very anxious Mommy. I felt nervous when it was Stella's birthday party.
H: Oh? You did Kyle?
K: Yes, I felt anxious and nervous.
H: Oh. Why?
K: Because I wanted it to be my birthday party. So that's why I felt anxious. That's why.
H: Oh, did you feel jealous?
K: Yes! Jealous! I felt so jealous! Because I want it to be my birthday.
O: Mommy, why is it not our birthday? Why? Why?
H: It will be your birthday soon. In a few weeks.
O: It will be twenty weeks!!!?! Why not one week? Why twenty weeks?
H: It isn't twenty weeks, just a few.
K: That's why I was so jealous. That's why! Because it can never be our birthday. Never ever. It is too far away.
O: That's why we're so mad at Stella, right Kyle?
K: That's right Owen!

* * *

Kyle: Mommy, today, at school, somebody said hurtful words to me.
Heather: Oh?!
K: Yes! They said hurtful words. And then I said, 'WHATEVER,' and then I walked away. I just walked right away. She said, 'I don't want to play with you.' And I said, 'WHATEVER,' and then I walked away from her!
H: Oh, that was a good thing to do.
K: Yes! And then I said hurtful words to her too! I said it very loud! I said, 'I don't want to play with you too'!!!

* * *

Owen: Mommy, I will stomp up the stairs and go to my room and slam the door!
Heather: Why?
O: Because I'm getting so anxious!
H: Oh?! Why are you so anxious?
O: I'm so anxious because my Baby Sister.
H: Oh?
O: I'm so anxious because my Baby Sister is not coming out yet!
H: Oh! Right, she's not coming out yet. So that makes you feel anxious?
O: Yes! And that's why I'm going to stomp up the stairs and slam my door! Because I'm so mad! I'm so mad and I'm so anxious because my Baby Sister is not coming out yet!

Baby Shower Guest Blogger: Corey

Hi All, O.k., so over the past few months many people have asked us if we're having a Baby Shower and/or where we're registered. Being the oh-so-traditional girl that I am (not! ...but...hey... some traditions do have legitimacy to them), I've answered those questions by saying that we're not having a Shower and we don't have a Registry. My logic was that we had FOUR (4!) amazing Baby Showers when we were waiting for Kyle and Owen and tradition is to not have showers for 2nd babies, 3rd babies, etc. When I'd say this most people would respond the same way: "But this is different!!! You've never been pregnant before!!!" Well, it is true, this is different, and I haven't been pregnant before (for those of you who don't know-- we never even tried to get pregnant before, we just went straight for adoption with K & O), and, like many people have pointed out, we've definitely never had a newborn baby before!!! (eeeks!), but still, I was feeling a bit funny about the idea of a Baby Shower for Baby Sister... until I talked it over with our dear friend Corey. Being an adoptive and bio mom herself, she was somehow able to put me at ease about it all. She also insisted that she was going to throw a Shower for us! And then she put us to task to set up a Baby Registry (so Braydon and I registered at Babies R Us for all the newborn/infant things that we need). Corey's non-traditional Baby Shower idea is beautifully perfect for us and makes us feel truly showered with love. She really wants to get the blogosphere involved -- so, folks, here's a Guest Blogger post from our wonderful friend Corey!

Dear Readers,

A few years ago, I was hanging around an online group for parents involved in Haitian adoption when I heard a woman mention that she lived in our town. We had just brought our first Haitian child home, and we didn’t know anyone (in real life) that had adopted from Haiti. We made email contact right away, and quickly invited Heather and Braydon to visit us. I don’t remember much about that first visit except thinking that Haiti was going to rock their world (as it does nearly everyone’s) and that I hoped they knew what they were doing, adopting twin boys as their first children.

I never anticipated that my family would come to love theirs so thoroughly. When your family looks different than nearly everyone else’s, there is deep comfort in being with other families that “match,” that have similar composition, experiences and interests. As adults, we have spent hours talking about poverty, malnutrition, post-traumatic stress, birthparents, racism, orphanages, etc, etc, etc. We get together almost monthly, often planning months in advance because those “dates” are a priority for us all. Our children are the best of friends. Our kids look forward to playing with Kyle and Owen so much that we usually don’t tell them they’ll see the boys until we’re driving to their house. Otherwise we hear “when are we going to Kyle & Owen’s house” about 7 million times per day.

I love Heather and Braydon for a million reasons. For their generosity. Their love of others. Their intellect. Their collective sense of humor. For caring about social issues. For their love of their children. For always having time for their friends. For their devotion to their work, and for the crazy juggling act they do every day to balance work and family. For good recipes and good beer. For introducing my kids to step dancers. For cleaning my kitchen when it was the kindest thing anyone could do for me. On and on and on. They are good people.

And now they’re growing their family, this time through pregnancy, and no one could be happier for them than we are. This child, this precious baby girl, is so blessed to be coming in to this family, and such a blessing to everyone around her, as well. I can’t wait to see her. I can’t wait to watch her grow. I can’t wait to know the person she will be.

This is getting long, but I want to acknowledge that I know that as much as my family loves the Johnson-McCormick family, that we are only one of MANY that feel this way about them. And so, because we know that other people will want to shower them with love and affection in celebration of Baby Girl’s arrival, I want to invite you to a Virtual Baby Shower in their honor. Please join us at http://babyshower4hbj.blogspot.com/

With love,
Corey

From the Archives: Four Favs

Quote of the Day: "But I'm not good at that!"

This afternoon we were driving in the car to the hospital for a pre-operative appointment for Owen's umbilical hernia surgery (it is scheduled for March 19). We had been to the pediatric surgeon last week, and somehow in the past few days all fear and anxiety over the upcoming operation has seemed to have evaporated. The boys were in great moods this afternoon (totally unfazed by the idea of surgery/hospital/pre-op-appointment/etc) and they were having a great time in the car fooling around and basically doing their normal stuff--- acting crazy and wild and out-of-control. It was starting to get to be a little too much. From the front driver's seat Braydon said to them "Guys you're getting too revved up. It is time to slow down and quiet down." They basically ignored this and kept on with their antics, including shouting/yelling/screaming whenever they'd see a car type they recognized on the highway (which is often since they recognize many makes and models). He said it again, this time more sternly and more loudly, "Guys, you're getting too revved up. It is time to slow down and quiet down." They both, in unison, started shouting, at the tops of their lungs, "An HHR!!!! An HHR!!!!! An HHR!!!!" I swung around from the passenger seat and yelled at the two of them, "Papi said to quiet down!!!!" Only about one notch quieter (i.e., still waaaay tooooo loud) they started in with screams of, "But it was an HHR! You missed it! An HHR! An HHR!" I swung back around: "THAT IS ENOUGH! NO YELLING!" This stopped them cold. More calmly I said, "Guys, you don't have to yell! We can hear you when you use your regular voice!" Owen, without batting an eye, came right back, "But I'm not good at that!"

Quote of the Day: "A Paci for Baby Sister"

It has been a month since Owen gave up his pacis. He threw them in the trash and never looked back. When the boy's ready, the boy's ready. This afternoon K & O were 'taking a shower' (i.e., mostly playing with water and soap) together in the shower in me and Braydon's bathroom. I was sitting in the bathroom reading while they played on and on for a loooong time. They were having a ball and very conversational in there. At one point I overheard this, from Owen, out of the blue, totally unrelated to anything they had been doing/talking about:
"Kyle, yesterday I put my pacis in the trash. Right in the trash because I didn't need them anymore. And someone needs to take one out for Baby Sister. A tiny one. A paci for Baby Sister. O.k. Kyle?"
Kyle said, "Uh huh."
And that was that.

Second Installment in the Baby Bump Series

(Photo taken with my cell phone camera, by Braydon, today.)

For the first, from about a month ago, click here.

Top 10: Near Misses at Amelia & Stella's Birthday Parties

Lately Braydon and I have been joking with each other that we're on the Birthday Party Circuit -- technically, we're not on it, K & O are on it and we're just chaperoning them -- but you get the point: we're just jumping from Birthday Party to Birthday Party these days. For two three year olds I've gotta say that Kyle and Owen are very popular. They get invited to the birthday parties of every kid in their class-- even when the celebrations are small and the guest lists selective. Luckily, K & O love birthday parties, so this is just a joy for them. And luckily for Braydon and I, these Waldorf School birthday parties are so creative and so amazing that they are truly fun for us to attend with the boys. In the past two weeks we've attended two different Birthday Parties. The first was for their friend Amelia, who turned 3. Amelia's party was at her house but they live on a beautiful piece of land that includes horses/horse fields/horse barn, duck pond, etc., etc., etc. It may as well have been a party at a gorgeous park/petting zoo. The second was for their friend Stella, who turned 4. Stella's party was a "Ballerina Dance Party" held at a dance studio. Taking K & O anywhere can sometimes be a harrowing experience. But put them in Party Mode, give 'em some cake, surround them with their peeps (who all seem to think that K & O are just hilarious)... and now that is always a harrowing experience. Here's our Top 10 List of Near Misses at Amelia & Stella's Birthday Parties:

1. At Amelia's party there was a large fresh fruit tray laid out with a bowl of yogurt in the center to use for dipping. At one point the kids were all playing while some of the moms sat chatting. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Kyle leaning over the fruit tray, with yogurt dripping from his mouth all over the fruit, holding a spoon in his hand (somewhere he had found a spoon), and absolutely devouring the bowl of yogurt. Under the radar of the other mothers I carefully and quietly motioned to get his attention, gave him the 'hairy eyeball,' and mouthed the words to tell him to "come over to me right now." Still leaning over the fruit, yogurt and drool dripping all over the tray, spoon in one hand, the other hand unsuccessfully wiping yogurt off his face (and successfully smearing it all over his face/chin/neck) he says -- super loud-- "WHAT MOMMY? I WAS JUST EATING SOME YUMMY YOGURT!?!!????" All the mothers then of course turned to look at him. The one sitting closest nudged me and said, "At least Kim [Amelia's Mom] is still in the kitchen!" At that precise moment Kim shouted out, "Time for the cake!" and everyone got up to move to the dining room while I mopped up my kid and cleaned up the tray.


2. The dancing portion of Stella's Ballerina party was truly a lovely thing. All of the parents quietly sat along one wall as we watched the children in the center of the sunlit studio-- dance lessons to learn some graceful steps and leaps, enacting stories about fairies and magical forests, classical music playing all throughout. I was getting lost in it all, watching K & O as they became more and more entranced in their own imaginations, prancing around like little dancer boys. Until all of a sudden, from right in the center of the room, Owen shouts out, "MOMMY! I HAVE TO GO POOPIE! BADLY!" (Luckily for everyone we made it to the bathroom just in time).


3. As I noted, at Amelia's house there is a duck pond. It has a fountain in the center. As we were walking toward it to go feed the ducks a few of the kids ran up ahead. As we got closer Braydon and I could see that K & O had discovered the cord that runs electricity to the fountain. And the two of them were playing tug of war with it. Under my breath I told Braydon to "GET DOWN THERE AND STOP THEM!!!!!!!" He took off in a sprint, ahead of all the other adults, and got there just as they were about to pull the entire fountain out of the pond.


4. Stella's Ballerina Dance Party included a craft activity. Crafts are not K & O's strong suit. The activity was 'Make Your Own Magic Wand.' O.k., I admit, basically, on the sly, I made them each a wand. It was just easier that way. Neither of them could have cared any less about participating in this and both wanted nothing to do with it. When I had finished making them, they each danced around with theirs for all of two seconds before the Ballet Teacher running the show announced that "all the children should carefully place their wands on the studio floor." While other kids delicately put their wands down K & O nonchalantly tossed theirs into the heap. But later in the party the wands were suddenly important because the Ballet Teacher announced that "all the children should now find their magic wands!" I knew K & O would have no clue which wands were theirs. But of course, eager to find out what was next, they ran faster than any other child and got to the pile first, snatching up the first two wands they saw. Running back to the teacher they were passing all of their friends still on their way to the wand pile. Two of whom began crying out, "He has my waaaaaaand!!!!" Trying to divert disaster, I jumped up, ran out to the center of the studio floor, grabbed the wands from K & O and gave them to the two kids to whom they belonged. As we walked back to the wand pile, one boy on either side of me, my hands tightly grasping one of each of theirs, Kyle was saying to me, "I'm sorry Mommy, I just didn't know what wand was mine because YOU made it for me." "It's o.k. Ky Ky," I said, "but," (we were getting close to where the parents were all sitting), "please whisper!" Miraculously he obliged, whispering repeatedly, "I didn't know because YOU made it!"


5. At Amelia's party there were juice boxes for all the kids. You'd think this would have been exciting enough. But no. At one point we caught Owen strolling around Amelia's house, chugging from a can of Pepsi. We'll never know how he got his hands on it, or where it came from. But Braydon confiscated it ASAP.


6. Stella's party, being in a dance studio, was quite self-contained. I guess I got a little confident about it for awhile there because I got caught up in conversation with another mom and lost track of where K & O were. When I realized they were nowhere to be seen I frantically started searching the building. I found the two of them alone together having a grand old time in the women's bathroom playing with the soap/water/water faucet/sink.


7. At most of the birthday parties we attend the kids do not open their presents while at the party, but instead wait until everyone is gone. This was how it was being done at Amelia's party. They had quietly tucked away all the presents in the corner of a room that was set away from the festivities. About mid-way through the party Kyle came to me telling me that he wanted Amelia to open our present and asking where it was. I told him "No, Amelia is opening them all later and I don't know where the presents are." About five minutes later, while all the other kids and parents were in the family room and kitchen, I caught Kyle alone with Amelia at the dining room table -- with our wrapped present on the table between them. He was gently sliding it across the table toward her, trying to convince her to open it. She, being the good girl that she is, was refusing. He was all sweet and batting his eyelashes saying, "Please Amelia, you will see, it is music instruments inside, you neeeeeeed to open it nooooooooow." I got there before she caved to the pressure.


8. At Stella's party, as a party favor, her mother gave out beautiful silver musical wands that chime when you tap them on things. Each kid got one. They were really sweet and cute favors. At one point, while everyone was still eating cake, I caught Kyle and one of his friends Lydia in cahoots together, rolling with laughter, in the dance studio, banging their wands so hard that they'd ring super loudly (i.e., not 'chime' but ring super loudly), against the mirrored walls. They were hitting the wands to the mirrors so hard I was sure they were going to scrape the mirrors. I ran in there just in time.


9. Amelia's party included a 'Decorate Your Own Cupcake' activity. K & O thought this was just spectacular. Braydon and I looked at each other in panic when we saw the 'decorations'... which included neon pink sugar sprinkles. All the other kids carefully and neatly sprinkled some sprinkles on their cupcakes. When Owen got a hold of the container he literally squealed with glee, held it up high, then -- before B or I could get there -- wildly dumped the whole entire thing onto his little cupcake, shaking the container like a madman. Neon pink was everywhere. "OOOPSIE DAISY!" he said with sheer thrill in his eye. A nearby mother looked at me and said cheerily, "Luckily most of it just went onto his plate!" (This was a very generous statement on her part.) Just then Owen went to pick up the plate (why? I don't know), and I got there just in the nick of time to grab the whole thing from him. (By the way, he then proceeded to carefully and methodically lick all the pink sprinkles off the cupcake, then left the rest of it on his plate.)


10. Stella's party included a big white cake, outlined in pink, in the shape of ballet slippers. When the cake appeared, Owen told me that he thought it was "BEAUUUUUUUUUUTIFUL!!!" When he got his hands on his piece of cake he proceeded to meticulously lick all of the frosting off of it, leaving the now-very-soggy cake part on his plate and declaring, loud enough for everyone to hear, "MOMMY! I LOOOOOVE THE WHITE!!!!!!" Stella's mother offered him a second piece and I let him have one, after which he declared again, "MOMMY! I LOOOOOVE THE WHITE!!!!!!" He of course asked for a third piece. I said no. He whined. Then that was it. Or so I thought. Later, when all the kids had left the cake room and were dancing in the adjoining studio, I noticed that Owen was missing. I quietly left to look for him. And found him walking around the cake table from plate to plate licking "the white" off of anyone's cake that had left any. I scooted him back into the studio before anyone else noticed.

Addendum to Post Below

Here's another good example-- not so much of the hair, but of the floor-- (see post below):

Digging Deep into the Archives

These photos are from early winter 2006. K & O were about 1.5 years old then and man!--they were a handful (two handfuls). I love to see pictures of them from before their locs! These pictures were from just before we dredded the boys' hair. I just loved those fuzzy heads. But we were going through a terrible phase then, in part related to hair... the boys were absolutely unstoppably crazy about throwing food, smashing food, and... rubbing food into their hair. It was awful! We tried everything to stop it but the two of them just thought it was the funnest and funniest thing on earth. Every meal was a horror. I literally cried in frustration, at the table, many-a-meal. Meanwhile they'd be laughing their tushes off getting the biggest kick out of each other. Kicking their feet in their highchairs and slamming their hands on the table in hysteria/mania/ecstasy with the fun of it all. Braydon and I were at our wits end with it. The hair, especially, was a terrible aspect of that phase--- they'd rub/smash/grind bits of food, handfuls of cereal, fistfuls of yogurt, bowls of pasta, ETC. into their hair. You can just imagine what a nightmare this was to deal with (especially all of you mom's of black kids out there-- you know this was a horrible nightmare of a phase to go through with these two crazy boys). Somehow we all survived to tell the story. But if you click to enlarge the photos you'll see lots of foodstuff in their hair. ;)

A beautiful day

Around these parts we've been looking forward spring a whole bunch - and today was a great way to begin ushering it in. A nice leisurely breakfast and playing in the morning (playing included vacuuming...) then off to Friendly's for lunch which included the boys current fav - mac and cheese, and a burger for us and Heather's current fav (and by current = while pregnant) Reese's sundae. Then we went to the Castle playground and had a wonderful afternoon playing and watching and chatting and playing some more.

We took a nice walk around what Kyle called the "perfect pond" where K&O splashed the water with long sticks (like about 4-6 feet long) - a favorite type of past-time. While there, some kids came by on skateboards; you can imagine what transpired next. Or if you can't you can look at the picture below. Please forgive the lousy quality, as you know, our camera died and this was with my cell phone.

All in all, a great, great J-M Family day - right up our alley.

Quote of the Day

"When I be 36, I'm going to do something dangerous. I'm going to swing off a big huge cliff... Rock on!" --Kyle, tonight at dinner

A Splendid Saturday

K & O

Zoe

Since we're cameraless, I'll leave it to others, whenever possible, to post about our life! :)
We had a great day today with a family we love. To check it out: CLICK HERE